To want my children to attend our Christmas meal?

[Worryingmama]

Going to in-laws this year for Christmas Day. We have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. It’s long been in-law tradition to do Christmas dinner as a supper in the evening rather than at lunch. This was fine for the pre-grandchildren years but since we’ve had kids it has bothered me. This year with our eldest being 4 years old, it just seems to mean to have it at a time they will be in bed! In laws claim children don’t enjoy long sit down meals and it’s better to do in adult-only time. For me, even if kids need a bit of persuading to sit down for it, the Christmas meal should be a whole-family celebration.

AIBU to feel quite pissed off about this?

@PurpleDaisies

Lighten up

Grandparents who think it is all about them really get on my tits.

At 4 my son already looked forward to Christmas dinner more than his presents, he is obsessed with roast potatoes. No way would I want any of mine excluded, it’s not an adult occasion it is a family one.

@DarlingFell I'm guessing you have never had to work on Christmas Day. Well my DD's did from the age of 8! They were choristers . By the time they sang the Christmas morning service and we drove the 200 miles to my parents it would be getting dark so we ate around 5pm. Christmas is what works for you. What I personally don't understand is why kids can't stay up in the evening, surely Christmas Day is the one day where bedtimes don't apply

I can't believe people don't realise that @DarlingFell is joking.

Yanbu. Your kids are more important, there's no way I would be ok with this. As pp pointed out, you only get so many Christmas dinners with your young children.

It’s your Christmas, with your kids.
Stay at home and do what ever you like,
Sod your in laws sand start your own tradition.

What I personally don't understand is why kids can't stay up in the evening, surely Christmas Day is the one day where bedtimes don't apply

At the ages of 1 and 4 they were likely be very grumpy if kept up much past their bedtime. It wouldn't be a treat.
It would be like someone making me stay up until 11pm to eat dinner - no thanks.

YANBU, they're your children and if you want them there then you shouldn't bend, you might regret it when they're older. It's unreasonable to expect In Laws to change their routine though so I'd have Christmas dinner at home in your shoes

@BruceAndNosh

I couldn't eat a full Christmas dinner in the evening. We normally have a fancy breakfast, Christmas Dinner around 3, and no need for a proper meal that evening. Cheese or leftovers if anyone wants a bite, they help themselves

I'm sure you would be able to had you had nothing since morning

If you’ve already said you’re going then maybe you have to suck it up this year but next year tell them you’re having a family Christmas with your children

Pfft

Go with the flow

4 yo can stay up and eat having had appropriate snacks (as will you all?) through the day. staying up late is magical when you're wee. Babe can sleep, at that age might be asleep whenever you chose to eat. Presumably it will be a day of lovely togetherness anyway all day.

Am snorting at the the cloying "not want to spend any part of the day apart from the children".

When you are hosting do it your way. You'd expect people to go with your plans yes, unless massively inconvenient or unpleasant?

UNLESS the ILs are expecting the kids to be in bed in which case YANBU

@CornishGem1975 ditto.

Every year we fell in with family plans but once we married and had children we 100% suited ourselves.

We never went anywhere.
We stayed at home and had a relaxing day.

@DarlingFell

Why do some people not know how to 'do' Christmas.

It's:

wake up, open a couple of presents in your jammers, have lovely breakfast (with champagne) take the dogs for a festive walk, cook Christmas LUNCH, eat LUNCH at LUNCHTIME, with ALL children in attendance, open your presents, have a few drinks and play some games, have some more drinks, watch a couple of movies while you eat cheese and crackers and a whole host of delicious things (that part is definitely NOT done while sitting at a table).

That's how you do Christmas.

You are correct

@DarlingFell

Why do some people not know how to 'do' Christmas.

It's:

wake up, open a couple of presents in your jammers, have lovely breakfast (with champagne) take the dogs for a festive walk, cook Christmas LUNCH, eat LUNCH at LUNCHTIME, with ALL children in attendance, open your presents, have a few drinks and play some games, have some more drinks, watch a couple of movies while you eat cheese and crackers and a whole host of delicious things (that part is definitely NOT done while sitting at a table).

That's how you do Christmas.

Sounds great😁

The best bit about Christmas is seeing it through the eyes of a small child. You should cherish that as long as possible. This is so true. There’s nothing nicer than having Christmas with a child who believes in Father Christmas - and that window is vanishingly small these days. It seems really churlish to be excluding kids from the festivities - traditions need to adapt not be set in stone. If your kids are not up to staying up for a late dinner or are not welcome to do so then I would be staying home Christmas Day for a child-friendly celebration then visiting on Boxing Day. I’m in France where the tradition is for a late meal on Christmas Eve - but at least the little ones haven’t been up since the crack of dawn opening presents. I was lucky that my MIL always tailored celebrations to suit the kids which I tend think is how it should be at Christmas. You’ve got years and years for grown up Christmases once the kids are older but you can never get that wide-eyed magic back.

Bollox to that, Xmas for a large part is about kids. I wouldn't be going at all & would see it as an opportunity to stop pandering to others & to do Xmas my way at home ... which was bliss

Mine like the initial bit at dinner table, crackers etc but afte they have nibbled their xmas dinner they just want to get down and play.

Darlingfell

You forgot "eat loads of After Eights" and then feel sick.

Sorry haven't RTFT but can you suggest an early dinner at around 6pm? That's what we do (and just canapes to keep people going, not a full lunch so everyone is hungry at 6) and it works well.

LillianGish

My teenage sons have asked me to leave a trail of sweets from their rooms to the tree and presents like Santa used to do. Even big kids love Santa.

YABU for expecting them to change their plans and traditions to you.

YWNBU to have your meal at home and visit your in laws at another time.

I would be really interested in knowing whether they did this with their own young children or if it's a more recent family tradition. In my family it was tradition that we all went out for a meal on Christmas Eve, but since there have been little children in the family it switched to an early buffet dinner at my parents instead. This seemed completely reasonable to everyone because this 'tradition' started when my brother and I were around 9 and 6. Once all the grandchildren are that age it might start again but it was never a tradition that was supposed to work for little children so it changed when they were around again.

If you don't like how or when they do Christmas Dinner, cook it yourself in your own home whatever time you like.

@ChristmasHumbuggery

Grandparents who think it is all about them really get on my tits.

Presumably you'll change your mind when you're a grandparent!