To want my children to attend our Christmas meal?

[Worryingmama]

Going to in-laws this year for Christmas Day. We have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. It’s long been in-law tradition to do Christmas dinner as a supper in the evening rather than at lunch. This was fine for the pre-grandchildren years but since we’ve had kids it has bothered me. This year with our eldest being 4 years old, it just seems to mean to have it at a time they will be in bed! In laws claim children don’t enjoy long sit down meals and it’s better to do in adult-only time. For me, even if kids need a bit of persuading to sit down for it, the Christmas meal should be a whole-family celebration.

AIBU to feel quite pissed off about this?

My Larry?! My parents!

What food would be offered during the day?

I’d say no thanks and stay at home and have Xmas dinner at lunch time. My kids love Xmas dinner-it’s their favourite meal, I’d hate them to miss it!

I wouldn't go. They sound like dreadful grandparents.
Why would you want to spend Christmas with such mean spirited people.

I would let the kids stay up late and join the meal or decline the invitation and go and see them on Boxing Day instead.

Can the DC take an afternoon nap and stay up late to share the meal?

Lols at the idea of persuading a 4 year old to take a nap on Christmas Day

Evening meals are the standard celebratory meal in my culture. DS is 2 and has been used to them since 6 months. Not sure why a 4 yo and a 1 yo can’t join in.

Christmas is about family and that includes the dc, even if it's a late meal I'd keep the kids up a bit longer than normal and a 4yr old is capable of sitting for a meal. I'm astounded your pil are asking you not to bring the dc .. or are they saying you can't come either.

I'm astounded your pil are asking you not to bring the dc .. or are they saying you can't come either.

They’re not saying that at all. Read the op again. The op and her children will be there all day, presumably having a lot of fun.

@Megan2018

I wouldn't go. They sound like dreadful grandparents. Why would you want to spend Christmas with such mean spirited people.

Is it mean? Leaving the kid to play and have more fun food over a formal sit down meal that takes hours?

If I really felt I couldn't keep the children up then I wouldn't go.

Our kids always enjoyed their christmas dinner.
At 4 they would have been allowed to help a little .
Surely at 4 they can enjoy a meal and are used to sitting round the table.
My children loved seeing the turkey at the table and enjoyed eating it and their sprouts .
As they got older they helped more because they enjoyed it.
I can't imagine children not at the table at Christmas except for babies .

@MsTSwift

I think you need to pick up the Christmas mantle and they fit in with you! They’ve had their time being the primary family with their kids around fitting in with their schedule. Now it’s about creating your own family traditions which they are welcome to join. My Larry were thrilled about this they live not having to host anymore!

I agree with this. Our dynamics changed with the children and we became the Christmas Mothership! It means hosting but we do it to fit in with a Christmas Day for the kids. Our families were absolutely fine with it. If they're not, they don't have to come!

My dc sometimes napped, sometimes they enjoyed cuddling with granny on the sofa in the afternoon to watch tv or read a book for an hour or so. And I would actively encourage this as over excited, over stimulated kids are not fun for anyone (apart from their parents maybe)

When they were doing that I was cooking at a leisurely pace and having a glass of wine etc.

Are you sleeping over at your in laws that night? What time do they usually eat Xmas dinner?

As much as I relish the idea of a child free meal, not Christmas day, I'd want to be together.

So are they saying DC is not welcome for dinner and must be in bed, or are you saying that its too late for DC to be included in dinner?

If its B then you are BU as you could allow DC to stay up late as an exception.

If its A, you are NBU and my gut feeling would be to feel the same, however, my kids never enjoyed really enjoyed Christmas dinner when they were young, too hyped up and excited to want to sit still (and we have always eaten meals at the table as a family, taken them to restaurants etc, so not unusual to ask them to sit nicely for dinner). Last couple of years when they were 7/8 & 13/14 has been an enjoyable experience, so might actually be a nice end to a child lead Christmas day to sit down and eat in peace.

@FawnFrenchieMum

So are they saying DC is not welcome for dinner and must be in bed, or are you saying that its too late for DC to be included in dinner?

If its B then you are BU as you could allow DC to stay up late as an exception.

If its A, you are NBU and my gut feeling would be to feel the same, however, my kids never enjoyed really enjoyed Christmas dinner when they were young, too hyped up and excited to want to sit still (and we have always eaten meals at the table as a family, taken them to restaurants etc, so not unusual to ask them to sit nicely for dinner). Last couple of years when they were 7/8 & 13/14 has been an enjoyable experience, so might actually be a nice end to a child lead Christmas day to sit down and eat in peace.

How much fun is anyone going yo have with an overtired little one on Christmas day at a late supper though? It's not a treat to be made to wait til past your bedtime for your Christmas Dinner!

@INeedNewShoes

No 4 year old I know gives a fig about Christmas dinner

Mine does. She loves food and eating. Gathering at the table for Christmas lunch is the main event of the day in our family.

We don’t have a starter so I suppose that means it’s less drawn out than in some houses.

I’m with you. It’s a roast dinner! Why are people talking like it’s a 7 course tasting menu? I have 6 kids and each one has sat with us at every Christmas lunch. We do have it at around 2/3 o’clock because then I can relax for the rest of the day. I would try and get out of that dinner if I was you before you and your family going becomes a tradition as well…

Why do some people not know how to 'do' Christmas.

It's:

wake up, open a couple of presents in your jammers, have lovely breakfast (with champagne) take the dogs for a festive walk, cook Christmas LUNCH, eat LUNCH at LUNCHTIME, with ALL children in attendance, open your presents, have a few drinks and play some games, have some more drinks, watch a couple of movies while you eat cheese and crackers and a whole host of delicious things (that part is definitely NOT done while sitting at a table).

That's how you do Christmas.

@SleepingStandingUp
Ours doesn’t take hours and isn’t in the least formal. Canapé style starters eaten away from the table. Main probably takes an hour absolute tops, probably less. Pudding is usually delayed for an hour or two and often eaten on laps. It’s completely laid back and child friendly. No-one in our family would dream of doing something that didn’t fit around kids.

@DarlingFell

Why do some people not know how to 'do' Christmas.

It's:

wake up, open a couple of presents in your jammers, have lovely breakfast (with champagne) take the dogs for a festive walk, cook Christmas LUNCH, eat LUNCH at LUNCHTIME, with ALL children in attendance, open your presents, have a few drinks and play some games, have some more drinks, watch a couple of movies while you eat cheese and crackers and a whole host of delicious things (that part is definitely NOT done while sitting at a table).

That's how you do Christmas.

No. That’s how YOU do Christmas. Why does everyone have to do it the same way?

Ooh one year my in laws did this to fit in with BILs vague girlfriends work schedule. I was fuming that then 4yr old had to miss the meal as it was after his bed time, seems very upper class Victorian behaviour

@Slippy78

YABU.

Why wouldn't you prefer to have Xmas dinner when the children aren't around? Sounds like bliss to me...

When our children were small and we went to my brother's house for Christmas lunch, the children, ours and his, had their own table in another room for reasons of space, they've since said that they had a great time on their own! To cope with young children, now grandchildren, I tend to do snacky starters that we eat sprawled on the floor with their toys, we then have the main event at the table and we then decamp back to the toys and games and have pudding an hour or so later. It meant that when they were very young they weren't having to sit at the table through a long meal.

@PurpleDaisies

Are you always so literal

[quote DarlingFell]@PurpleDaisies

Are you always so literal [/quote]
Are you always so prescriptive about how other people choose to spend their holidays?