Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that going out drinking at 35+ isn't pathetic?

312 replies

CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 21:52

I've seen quite a few posts on here lately basically implying that 'real grown ups' don't go out drinking/clubbing/to the pub/out late and I find it really irritating and patronising. What's with this idea that there's something immature about going out and having a good time?

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Before anyone implies it, no, I don't have a booze problem, but I do enjoy going out every other weekend or so, out for dinner and then onto a pub or bar, and often stay until closing. It hadn't occurred to me that being mid thirties, this would make me a tragic figure for some. There are plenty of people my age and older doing the same here in London so it's a bit baffling to think some people seem to consider it pathetic or immature. Why? If a grown adult has a good job and their life together, what on earth is wrong with going out at the weekend?

OP posts:
PearlclutchersInc · 16/11/2021 19:30

Being in your 40s and tottering around the town centre pissed is pretty naff really. Having a few drinks why not.

Its your life though, why are you bothered about what other people think.

SpinsForGin · 16/11/2021 19:31

@Coffeepants

The mind boggles. Is a pub really an appropriate place for soft play or young children at all?
It depends on the pub. We live in a small village and one of our local pubs is very family friendly. It's a real hub of the community. They do a Halloween disco and haunted house, Santa's grotto, Easter egg hunts etc. They also host the yr 6 leavers party in a marquee in the car park and run find raising night for the PTA and youth groups in the area.

We've been taking DS since he was a new born and as a result he knows a whole range of kids of various ages as they've always played together. Sunday afternoons in particular are very popular with families as they often have live music on which the kids love.

It isn't always pissed up parents and bored kids.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/11/2021 19:33

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Why can't people with children go out drinking?

Asking this is part of why there’s a disgusting drinking problem in this country. Pissed parents looking after children. Bored children sitting in pubs for hours. Lovely.

I have an 8 year old and never take him to the pub. I'm divorced and I go to the pub on the weekends DS is with his dad. That OK with you? Hmm
Fomofo · 16/11/2021 19:36

So early 20s ok to totter around drunk but not early 40s? How ageist and sexist, unless you think men 'totter'

ufucoffee · 16/11/2021 19:38

I'm old. I love drinking. I love going out. To pubs, restaurants, gigs, cinema etc. I go out in city centres, I go out local. I'd go crazy if I stayed at home every night. I say going out at any age isn't pathetic.

liveforsummer · 16/11/2021 19:44

@Coffeepants

The mind boggles. Is a pub really an appropriate place for soft play or young children at all?
My dc seem to think so Smile
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 16/11/2021 19:50

i have an 8 year old and never take him to the pub. I'm divorced and I go to the pub on the weekends DS is with his dad. That OK with you?

The thing is If you’re not taking your child to the pub or looking after him drunk I don’t see why you’re being so defensive.

5128gap · 16/11/2021 20:04

@Coffeepants

The mind boggles. Is a pub really an appropriate place for soft play or young children at all?
Well its nothing new. 25 years ago the wacky warehouse part of a pub was the only soft play option for me to take DD.
JunoMcDuff · 16/11/2021 20:18

@Coffeepants

The mind boggles. Is a pub really an appropriate place for soft play or young children at all?
Our local bar hosts a mum's and baby group every week. A breastfeeding councillor comes each week and the nappy library comes once a month. It's a great income for the pub as they sell oodles of coffee and tea and people start with toast, move on to cake and often stay after the group for lunch! No alcohol is drunk.
5128gap · 16/11/2021 20:22

My mind is boggling at 'nappy library' Juno !?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/11/2021 20:27

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

i have an 8 year old and never take him to the pub. I'm divorced and I go to the pub on the weekends DS is with his dad. That OK with you?

The thing is If you’re not taking your child to the pub or looking after him drunk I don’t see why you’re being so defensive.

Because your attitude is weird. What's the difference between having a drink at the pub with the kids present and having a drink at home with the kids present?
Fomofo · 16/11/2021 20:33

Ufucoffee, you sound great

schoolsoutforever · 16/11/2021 20:34

I love a good night out occasionally. Wouldn’t go serious clubbing now as it would end me but a cheesy nineties night at the local discotheque has not been unknown in recent years. Usually restaurants and pubs though. I’ll never be too old for an evening in the pub.

Coffeepants · 16/11/2021 20:36

What are the parents doing while the kids are enjoying soft play/music? It seems odd to me that it’s acceptable to drink while taking care of minors…

Dontjumptoconclusions · 16/11/2021 20:49

People don't have as much energy after the age of 30. They think it's a lot of effort to get ready and go out somewhere, find it a chore. They think clubs are full of 18 year olds getting hammered, and people stepping on your foot, dirty toilets and creepy guys. Even tho it depends on the club you go to. So they would rather say that it's immature, childish, they have better things to do (like clean their house and sit in front of the TV), than admit that their energy level is too low to bother going out.

I'm only referring to those who used to go out a lot and then stopped. Not those who never enjoyed clubbing in the first place.

I'm in my 30s , I go clubbing maybe once a month,sometimes with and sometimes without DH. We have a10 month old DS. I live quite far from the local clubs and don't want to spend a fortune on cabs, so I don't drink when I'm out. I genuinely go because I enjoy clubbing, dancing, dressing up etc.

DeepaBeesKit · 16/11/2021 21:13

Most people I know in their thirties have daytime responsibilities and commitments that limit their ability to be out in bars til 2am on a regular basis.

The people I know who do not are mostly those who a) have no children b) have generally resisted responsibilities

SpinsForGin · 16/11/2021 21:21

@Coffeepants

What are the parents doing while the kids are enjoying soft play/music? It seems odd to me that it’s acceptable to drink while taking care of minors…
Having a drink, socialising and watching the children. I attribute my DSs love of music to our Sunday's in the pub listening to bands.

How is it any different to having a couple of drinks at home?

I'm not talking about people getting drunk but I think it's fine to have a couple of drinks.

It might not be something you choose to do, which is fine! But there's nothing actually wrong with it.

CounsellorTroi · 16/11/2021 21:24

We like to have a drink with friends. But I would not want to be not in control of myself outside my own home.

Mooloolabababy · 16/11/2021 21:32

I'm 43 and at the moment I'm craving a night out. And by night out I mean a few pubs for cocktails and finishing off in a club (well, large bar with a dance floor, open until 2) to have a good dance. Not been out properly since before covid. I don't go out very often, but I really, really want a night out! After that, I'll probably go 6 months before I want another one!

theleafandnotthetree · 16/11/2021 21:35

@DeepaBeesKit

Most people I know in their thirties have daytime responsibilities and commitments that limit their ability to be out in bars til 2am on a regular basis.

The people I know who do not are mostly those who a) have no children b) have generally resisted responsibilities

You sound a right laugh
Spiceup · 16/11/2021 21:36

I'm in my 50s. My children and most of my friends' are grown up now. I probably go "out drinking" more now than I did in my 20s. Definitely more than I did in my 30s

It's not for everyone but I don't see what wrong with going out and having fun. And I know people will say you don't have to drink to have fun but look at any table of drinkers v non drinkers and tell me where the laughter is.

Spiceup · 16/11/2021 21:41

One of the most accomplished young men I know was practically raised in the pub by his very "sociable" parents. They weren't drunks but they definitely enjoyed a drink and their children were often with them. The boy (now late 20s) is doing exceptionally well in an industry where building relationships and being able to talk to people is important and I swear he learned that in the pub.

Original poster
CecilieRose · 16/11/2021 21:50

@DeepaBeesKit

Most people I know in their thirties have daytime responsibilities and commitments that limit their ability to be out in bars til 2am on a regular basis.

The people I know who do not are mostly those who a) have no children b) have generally resisted responsibilities

Do you not see how snotty and judgemental this is?

Not everyone has a 9-5 job. Plenty of people are able to get up at 10am or even later every day, including some of the wealthiest, most successful people I know. What does the time you have to go to bed have to do with responsibility or commitment? I will mention to my self-made multi millionaire friend that someone on Mumsnet thinks he has no responsibilities - I'm sure he'll find it amusing.

It's actually quite frightening how narrow minded so many people are!

OP posts:
Coffeepants · 16/11/2021 21:54

Maybe. I think it’s just such a big part of British “culture” that it’s normal. Not sure it’s the case elsewhere.

XenoBitch · 16/11/2021 21:55

Not pathetic at all. Not everyone uses stuff like Tinder etc. Are we meant to stay single forever, and never go out to try and meet people?

Swipe left for the next trending thread