To think that going out drinking at 35+ isn't pathetic?

[CecilieRose]

I've seen quite a few posts on here lately basically implying that 'real grown ups' don't go out drinking/clubbing/to the pub/out late and I find it really irritating and patronising. What's with this idea that there's something immature about going out and having a good time?

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Before anyone implies it, no, I don't have a booze problem, but I do enjoy going out every other weekend or so, out for dinner and then onto a pub or bar, and often stay until closing. It hadn't occurred to me that being mid thirties, this would make me a tragic figure for some. There are plenty of people my age and older doing the same here in London so it's a bit baffling to think some people seem to consider it pathetic or immature. Why? If a grown adult has a good job and their life together, what on earth is wrong with going out at the weekend?

5128gap
I don't think it's a straw man.

There is a difference between going out to see friends and going out drinking.
Very few people I'm friends with would talk about going drinking because they're not engaged in the bizarre culture some Brits have of weekend = consuming alcohol (usually in excess). Many of them talk about seeing friends, going to the pub, going to a gig etc. They'd not describe their Saturday night as going out drinking because the focus of their Saturday night isn't getting pissed because it's the weekend.

The colleagues I know who talk about going 'out out' and going out drinking are part of the binge drinking weekend culture. I do think that's increasingly sad the older people get.

@LolaSmiles semantics are irrelevant. Going to the pub means going drinking. The drinking is the main event. I would never say I was 'going out drinking' either but that doesn't change the fact that that's exactly what it is?! I don't sit in a pub for four or five hours drinking orange juice.

@LolaSmiles

5128gap I don't think it's a straw man.

There is a difference between going out to see friends and going out drinking.
Very few people I'm friends with would talk about going drinking because they're not engaged in the bizarre culture some Brits have of weekend = consuming alcohol (usually in excess). Many of them talk about seeing friends, going to the pub, going to a gig etc. They'd not describe their Saturday night as going out drinking because the focus of their Saturday night isn't getting pissed because it's the weekend.

The colleagues I know who talk about going 'out out' and going out drinking are part of the binge drinking weekend culture. I do think that's increasingly sad the older people get.

But some of this can be attributed to use of language which could be regional. I think it's unfair to judge people for that.

I would say going out for drinks if I was meeting friends or would refer to going 'out out' if the occasion meant getting dressed up and going somewhere other than my local pub. That doesn't mean I'm drinking to excess.
A group of us have a regular weekly meet up which just gets referred to as 'drinks'. Some weeks that can mean drinking alcohol but not always and very, very rarely anything other than slightly tipsy.

@LolaSmiles

5128gap I don't think it's a straw man.

There is a difference between going out to see friends and going out drinking.
Very few people I'm friends with would talk about going drinking because they're not engaged in the bizarre culture some Brits have of weekend = consuming alcohol (usually in excess). Many of them talk about seeing friends, going to the pub, going to a gig etc. They'd not describe their Saturday night as going out drinking because the focus of their Saturday night isn't getting pissed because it's the weekend.

The colleagues I know who talk about going 'out out' and going out drinking are part of the binge drinking weekend culture. I do think that's increasingly sad the older people get.

Where i come from going out out means getting dressed up and going to pubs, bars and clubs until late. Its an ironic reference of some comedy or other, I forget which, and nothing to do with how much you drink. No one I know calls it 'going out drinking' so I suppose I've never seen it in that light. The people I know of all ages who enjoy going out out do it for the chance to dress up, dance, interact with strangers and generally have fun. Alcohol does add to that of course, but I wouldn't say its the reason they're out, as they could more easily get their friends round and get drunk at home.

I'm out most Saturday nights as my Mum has the kids overnight as I work on Sundays (single mum). Varies on what I do but I like a good dance and drink and I'm no stranger to working hungover . I make the most of my time and enjoy socialising. My own Mum is 60 and is usually out on a Friday night drinking and dancing with her friends

5128gap
Whereas in my area, the only people I know who talk about going 'out out' are people who are describing a night out that 99% of the time involves a large amount of alcohol being consumed and then later telling (boring) everyone the tales of what 'hilarious' thing happened that almost always boils down to someone being drunk.

I think there is a difference between adults who enjoy alcohol socially as part of catching up with friends and adults who place alcohol as the centre of their socialising / weekend plans.

semantics are irrelevant. Going to the pub means going drinking. The drinking is the main event. I would never say I was 'going out drinking' either but that doesn't change the fact that that's exactly what it is?! I don't sit in a pub for four or five hours drinking orange juice.
I think this suggests semantics do matter actually and affect how people interpret things.
The main focus of going to a pub isn't to drink alcohol, unless you're the sort of person who decides that drinking alcohol is the main event for the evening, which by all accounts you are as you've just said that drinking is the main event for the evening. Maybe that's why you seem to be quite defensive about the fact some people find adults focusing on drinking alcohol to be quite sad.

If I went to the pub, the main event is seeing my friends and catching up with them. I couldn't care less what people are drinking. The main event is a nice catch up with friends.

It's a bit sad really, people going out on the piss in their 30s and above. 2-3 drinks over a 5 hour night, sure but there's no need to get drunk. And why can't you drink some orange juice? Nothing wrong with a non alcoholic beverage between drinks.

It's a bit sad really, people going out on the piss in their 30s and above. 2-3 drinks over a 5 hour night, sure but there's no need to get drunk. And why can't you drink some orange juice? Nothing wrong with a non alcoholic beverage between drinks.

Why? People keep saying this but can't actually give a reasonable reason why ( one that isn't misogynistic or judgemental) I just keep reading the words sad and pathetic. I don't tend to drink to excess but I LOVE going out to pubs and clubs and will have a drink while i'm there. I can't fathom why that is sad or pathetic?

@SpinsForGin

It's a bit sad really, people going out on the piss in their 30s and above. 2-3 drinks over a 5 hour night, sure but there's no need to get drunk. And why can't you drink some orange juice? Nothing wrong with a non alcoholic beverage between drinks.

Why? People keep saying this but can't actually give a reasonable reason why ( one that isn't misogynistic or judgemental) I just keep reading the words sad and pathetic. I don't tend to drink to excess but I LOVE going out to pubs and clubs and will have a drink while i'm there. I can't fathom why that is sad or pathetic?

This is the part I'm failing to grasp too. I'm in agreement that getting absolutely plastered so you're a liability to yourself and a nuisance to others is not great, whatever your age. I can even see why it can be seen as more of an issue for a woman, as women who are completely out if it are very vulnerable, in ways men are not (the other week i helped a woman who was lying spread eagled on a grass verge with her dress around her waist) But I cannot understand the constant references to sad and pathetic. I can only assume its because the people saying it obviously don't go out, so are incorrectly imagining what the people who do are like.

I don't get the sad pathetic argument either and find the hoiking bosoms a bit, well, mean. But then I assume that those who think like that are unlikely to be people i would have much in common with, so don't worry about it too much.

This is the part I'm failing to grasp too. I'm in agreement that getting absolutely plastered so you're a liability to yourself and a nuisance to others is not great, whatever your age. I can even see why it can be seen as more of an issue for a woman, as women who are completely out if it are very vulnerable, in ways men are not (the other week i helped a woman who was lying spread eagled on a grass verge with her dress around her waist) But I cannot understand the constant references to sad and pathetic. I can only assume its because the people saying it obviously don't go out, so are incorrectly imagining what the people who do are like.
Can only speak for myself but I'm generally of the view that there's nothing particularly fun, engaging, or interesting about getting pissed on a weekend. It's something most people grow out and I do think it's sad and a bit pathetic when people say the main event for their evening is to drink alcohol.

People enjoying alcohol as part of a social occasion doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I do think it's a bit sad when the main focus of an evening is to consume alcohol. It's part of a drinking culture that I don't like.

People enjoying alcohol as part of a social occasion doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I do think it's a bit sad when the main focus of an evening is to consume alcohol. It's part of a drinking culture that I don't like.

Agree. Had a colleague who always used to say “eating is cheating” on a night out.

LolaSmiles its absolutely fine to not want to do something you wouldn't enjoy but it's very judgemental to call who those do enjoy going out drinking people sad or pathetic, particularly when you're saying it's not suitable for people over a particular age.

You're making assumptions about how much alcohol will be drunk.

Having a night which is focused on alcohol doesn't always mean people drinking to excess. This is the point people are making.

Clubbing for me in my late teens/early 20s were:

• going out with a group of friends who were mainly single and didnt have any responsibilities
• getting constantly on by boys/men
• staying out until the early hours
• alot of alcohol but no hangover the next day and able to go to lectures/study

I dont want to/dont have the energy for any of those things now! I'm in a long term relationship and have a young child. I also work full time. I want to spend my weekends with them and my friends and do things we enjoy. None of my friends have asked to go to a club for many years, I dont think that's uncommon?

The person I mentioned is choosing clubbing over spending her weekends with her children 2-3 weekends month and is enjoying staying out, sleeping the next day and doing drugs. I'm not on that vibe anymore, I simply dont have the interest or the energy anymore!

I find it embarrassing to be honest, but to each their own.

I'm 41, love going out to dinner with friends, or just me and DP, then on to a pub for a few more drinks and a chat!
Going anywhere I can't hear the people I'm with is not my thing anymore so clubbing/restaurants with live singers (🤮) no thanks!

LolaSmiles its absolutely fine to not want to do something you wouldn't enjoy but it's very judgemental to call who those do enjoy going out drinking people sad or pathetic, particularly when you're saying it's not suitable for people over a particular age.

You're making assumptions about how much alcohol will be drunk.

Having a night which is focused on alcohol doesn't always mean people drinking to excess. This is the point people are making.

It's not a radical view that human beings mature over time as they grow up The brain doesn't mature until the mid 20s so it's common sense that younger adults will behave differently to older adults. It's why behaviours and outlooks in teens are viewed differently to someone in their 20s, and someone in their 40s.

The OP said that alcohol is the main event for their evening if they go to the pub. I think that's sad. Personally, the company of friends and catching up with them is the main event of an evening, regardless of what people choose to drink.

If it's judgemental to question adults who make alcohol main event then guilty as charged.

@CaMePlaitPas

I find it embarrassing to be honest, but to each their own.

Do you mean you find it embarrassing to go out? What embarrasses you?

If it's judgemental to question adults who make alcohol main event then guilty as charged.

At least you're self aware enough to admit you're judgemental 🤷🏼‍♀️

@CaMePlaitPas

I find it embarrassing to be honest, but to each their own.

What specifically is embarrassing?

At least you're self aware enough to admit you're judgemental 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't have any problem admitting I judge adults who place alcohol as the main event of an evening. It's not a healthy attitude to alcohol and is part of a bigger drinking culture within the UK.

Most people place the value on the company they're keeping at a social occasion, not consuming alcohol.

@LolaSmiles

At least you're self aware enough to admit you're judgemental 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't have any problem admitting I judge adults who place alcohol as the main event of an evening. It's not a healthy attitude to alcohol and is part of a bigger drinking culture within the UK.

Most people place the value on the company they're keeping at a social occasion, not consuming alcohol.

I place value on both!

I enjoy meeting friends for a coffee, or a meal out. I also enjoy meeting friends for drinks and dancing. Not sure what is so terrible about that. Alcohol is not the main event, but it features sometimes.

Clubbing for me in my late teens/early 20s were:
- going out with a group of friends who were mainly single and didnt have any responsibilities

Clubbing for me at 40 involves going out with a group of friends who are mainly in relationships and have children but like a night off every now and then.

• getting constantly on by boys/men

Less of an issue when you get older. On the odd occasion it does happen I'm capable of using my voice to explain I'm in a relationship

• staying out until the early hours

Not a problem every now and then. Especially if you've no responsibilities the next day.

• alot of alcohol but no hangover the next day and able to go to lectures/study

I hate hangovers so don't drink too much.

People can still enjoy an activity even if it means engaging with it in a slightly different way.

I place value on both!
I enjoy meeting friends for a coffee, or a meal out. I also enjoy meeting friends for drinks and dancing. Not sure what is so terrible about that. Alcohol is not the main event, but it features sometimes.
I've never said alcohol featuring in social gathering is a problem. I couldn't care less what people drink.

I just find it a bit sad when adults make the consumption of alcohol the main event, and find it mildly amusing that when people talk about the fact they find this outlook a bit sad they get defensive.

Most people place the value on the company they're keeping at a social occasion, not consuming alcohol.
It's possible to do both! Drinking with friends is what makes it fun!