Page 11 | To think that going out drinking at 35+ isn't pathetic?

5128gap · 17/11/2021 09:23

@Coffeepants

Imagine being so desperate to seek validation for your habits that you need to justify what you do to strangers on the internet. Live and let live but don’t expect everyone to agree with your opinion. There will be some who think it’s great and others who think it’s pathetic, each for their own reasons. The OP asked, people gave their opinions.

Imagine! If this validation business gets any worse MN will have to have a board called AIBU so people can ask strangers if their opinions are valid.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 17/11/2021 09:30

It's absolutely fine if you don't ever want to drink alcohol around children and nobody is forcing you to take them to the pub. I would never judge anyone for holding those opinions or tell them they don't really know what they're doing

Ok but you’re coming from a privileged position of not knowing the damage parents’ drinking can do to children. Don’t really care how I’m coming across. Your defensive attitude says a lot!

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 09:32

You are honestly talking as if going out for drinks - a perfectly normal, social, legal activity - were a literal crime. It's incredibly weird.

MN does have a strange relationship with alcohol. No, I don't need it to have fun but I actually enjoy it. And that's fine!

It doesn't mean I like getting horrendously drunk ( I don't ) but I enjoy tasting and collecting certain alcoholic drinks because I enjoy the taste. I have a pretty impressive collection of tequila.

I find it pleasurable to have a cold pint on a hot day or fancy cocktails in decadent bars with friends . It's coming up to Christmas and I'm looking forward to drinking mulled wine with friends and acquaintances at our village Christmas fayre.

All of that is fine. I don't have an alcohol problem, I drink maybe once a week and very rarely get anything other than a little tipsy.

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 09:38

Ok but you’re coming from a privileged position of not knowing the damage parents’ drinking can do to children. Don’t really care how I’m coming across. Your defensive attitude says a lot!

I'm not the one being defensive!

Again with the assumptions. I know a hell of a lot about that. More than most unfortunately.

But I'm reasonable enough to understand the difference between a couple of drinks in the presence of children and excessive drinking. The former is absolutely fine and, in my opinion, helps teach children about having a healthy relationship with alcohol. I have never wanted to demonise alcohol as I've seen that cause more issues in the long run.

I never drink to excess in front of my child and don't really drink to excess anyway but I won't be shamed into thinking that drinking a glass of wine in front of my child is irresponsible- because it isn't.

Aggy35 · 17/11/2021 09:42

I think focus on alcohol is the issue as most people grow out of the need for the 'social lubricant '.Also many who say only have couple of drinks end up pissed.Sorry 40 year old woman looks worse stumbling around and making a fool of herself than a 20 year who hasn't learnt any better yet.Each to their own ,but no age is not a number and yes people do judge your like and dislikes according to age.
By the same standard what's wrong with 40 year old man loving peppa pig...after all why should you stop enjoying stuff when you hit certain number?
You shouldn't...but most do and those that stand out (just like with everything else ) get noticed.
Besides we still live in a world we're women are expected to have some decorum which sadly goes out of the window with too many drinks( for most )

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 09:47

@Aggy35

I think focus on alcohol is the issue as most people grow out of the need for the 'social lubricant '.Also many who say only have couple of drinks end up pissed.Sorry 40 year old woman looks worse stumbling around and making a fool of herself than a 20 year who hasn't learnt any better yet.Each to their own ,but no age is not a number and yes people do judge your like and dislikes according to age. By the same standard what's wrong with 40 year old man loving peppa pig...after all why should you stop enjoying stuff when you hit certain number? You shouldn't...but most do and those that stand out (just like with everything else ) get noticed. Besides we still live in a world we're women are expected to have some decorum which sadly goes out of the window with too many drinks( for most )

I think the problem is actually misogynistic views like this.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 17/11/2021 09:54

I don't see any issue with a night out that involves drinking no matter what your age, as long as you're not causing trouble or effecting your home life.

The judgements confuse me - me and DH are mid - late 30s. We went out seperately a while ago. He just went to the pub, I went for dinner then cocktails. Both got drunk - apparently this was ridiculous at our age as we're too old for that.
We went to watch a rugby match together - had a fair few drinks before and after the match. Apparently that's ok because we were watching a sport
And conversely, I enjoy crafting and DH enjoys cycling and waking trails but we're apparently too young for those hobbies 🙄

The judgements are mind-boggling and pointless. It's no ones business how you spend your time.

Original poster

CecilieRose · 17/11/2021 10:04

[quote Coffeepants]@CecilieRose your OP asked for opinions but anyone who has not agreed with your opinion is a problem here and narrow minded. Could it be that you are narrow minded for not considering there is a life beyond alcohol and some of us can have a perfectly enjoyable outing without it?

Like I said live and let live but you do seem very focused on getting others to see your viewpoint. If you are happy and content with your life, why do you care what others think?

It’s not a crime, but doesn’t come across well when people in their 30s are absolutely plastered. If you can enjoy responsibly then good for you, but this country has a huge drinking problem and it’s very normalized to drink at every opportunity. You don’t actually need a drink to have fun. But sadly in this country it seems most people do.[/quote]
But I do know there's a life beyond alcohol - that's the point. I'm not calling people sad boring squares because they don't drink or prefer to spend their time in other ways. I have plenty of friends who don't drink at all. I'm saying it's incredibly judgemental and ageist to say that people are sad or pathetic because they still enjoy going out.

By the way, I don't even drink that much! I'm well under the recommended limit, haven't been clubbing myself in donkey's years and haven't even had so much as a glass of wine in the past week or two. I just think it's ridiculous when people imply there's some sort of age limit for doing things, or people who don't do the exact same things are somehow wrong. As if anyone not following the LifeScript of 'settle down at 30 and have kids' is irresponsible or childish.

OP posts:

Alldressedup · 17/11/2021 10:06

Reading some of these comments I agree with a PP that I think it depends where you live/ go out. In my (big) city, we have a huge variety of bars/pubs so I can easily go somewhere with similar aged people and not look like a sad middle-aged drunk 😂 Equally there are lots of places with a real mix of ages where no one feels like they stand out. This might not be the case in some smaller towns and cities where the town centre is the domain of those in their late teens/ early twenties.
Anyway, I am looking forward to going out this weekend with a group of 40+ year olds for drinks, a bite to eat, a dance and no doubt we’ll all be rather merry. I don’t do this often but I promise you that no one will be judging any of us for it (and if they did, then I don’t care less!!)

Original poster

CecilieRose · 17/11/2021 10:08

@Aggy35

I think focus on alcohol is the issue as most people grow out of the need for the 'social lubricant '.Also many who say only have couple of drinks end up pissed.Sorry 40 year old woman looks worse stumbling around and making a fool of herself than a 20 year who hasn't learnt any better yet.Each to their own ,but no age is not a number and yes people do judge your like and dislikes according to age. By the same standard what's wrong with 40 year old man loving peppa pig...after all why should you stop enjoying stuff when you hit certain number? You shouldn't...but most do and those that stand out (just like with everything else ) get noticed. Besides we still live in a world we're women are expected to have some decorum which sadly goes out of the window with too many drinks( for most )

There's nothing wrong with a 40-year-old man loving Peppa Pig. Something being unusual or something you wouldn't do doesn't make it wrong, weird or pathetic. It's amazing how many adults who think they're so mature don't grasp this basic fact.

OP posts:

Aggy35 · 17/11/2021 10:13

I see your point.Perhaps I am biased.Income from family where abusing alchohol 'socially' was the norm.I just think drunk adults leave a lot to be desired.Surely its possible to enjoy alcohol without getting drunk.I might be wrong ,but just like everyone else I am entitled to my opinion.

Original poster

CecilieRose · 17/11/2021 10:14

@Alldressedup

Reading some of these comments I agree with a PP that I think it depends where you live/ go out. In my (big) city, we have a huge variety of bars/pubs so I can easily go somewhere with similar aged people and not look like a sad middle-aged drunk 😂 Equally there are lots of places with a real mix of ages where no one feels like they stand out. This might not be the case in some smaller towns and cities where the town centre is the domain of those in their late teens/ early twenties. Anyway, I am looking forward to going out this weekend with a group of 40+ year olds for drinks, a bite to eat, a dance and no doubt we’ll all be rather merry. I don’t do this often but I promise you that no one will be judging any of us for it (and if they did, then I don’t care less!!)

It really does seem that a lot of people have that small town attitude, where the norm is to settle down and have kids young and there's a very long list of things that are supposedly 'pathetic' to do past 30. It seems very stifling to me.

I have friends in their late thirties and forties, all very successful people with good jobs or own businesses, and they go out pretty regularly and yes, shock horror, sometimes get drunk. Because it's fun. And they're not hurting anyone. And it's their own business.

OP posts:

Missatkins · 17/11/2021 10:15

@CecilieRose

I've seen quite a few posts on here lately basically implying that 'real grown ups' don't go out drinking/clubbing/to the pub/out late and I find it really irritating and patronising. What's with this idea that there's something immature about going out and having a good time?

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Before anyone implies it, no, I don't have a booze problem, but I do enjoy going out every other weekend or so, out for dinner and then onto a pub or bar, and often stay until closing. It hadn't occurred to me that being mid thirties, this would make me a tragic figure for some. There are plenty of people my age and older doing the same here in London so it's a bit baffling to think some people seem to consider it pathetic or immature. Why? If a grown adult has a good job and their life together, what on earth is wrong with going out at the weekend?

Well I'm 50 and go out every weekend for cocktails, meals out etc etc. I also wear make up and high heels!! I don't particularly care what people think.. Life is for living. If people enjoy staying in having a cuppa, that's also fine. Whatever floats your boat 🥂

Aggy35 · 17/11/2021 10:15

Call it what you like men and women are viewed differently.Besides drunk men are almost equally sad

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 10:28

Call it what you like men and women are viewed differently

It's called misogyny.

Aggy35 · 17/11/2021 10:53

Only on mumsnet.Women expecting to be kept,to have their needs accommodated ,men need to be this and that,currently have thread going on 'how women would be better without men' etc...yet pointing out that men and women are different and are viewed differently by society(rightly or wrongly) is the problem especially when dealing with unsavoury subject as excessive drinking

LolaSmiles · 17/11/2021 11:00

I don't see any issue with a night out that involves drinking no matter what your age, as long as you're not causing trouble or effecting your home life.
Me neither to a point, as long as people don't get defensive when other people find a social live revolving around drinking alcohol to be a bit silly.
Getting defensive about others discussing alcohol consumption and act like everyone else has a weird attitude to alcohol or only drinks a thimble of Bailey's at Christmas is a bit concerning.

The people who go out with their friends, have a social drink and enjoy everyone's company are unlikely to get defensive when people discuss excessive alcohol consumption.

It's the same when it comes to people discussing alcohol use in the home. The people who get defensive about drinking a bottle of wine to themselves most week nights to unwind because it's wine and they have a stressful job get defensive because ultimately their consumption is problematic. They just prefer to think that they're a sophisticated drinker because people with alcohol issues aren't people like them. Someone who enjoys a glass of wine or two with dinner throughout the week wouldn't get defensive.

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 11:06

Only on mumsnet
No, that's just misogyny. It doesn't matter where those views are being aired.

Women expecting to be kept,to have their needs accommodated ,men need to be this and that,currently have thread going on 'how women would be better without men' etc..
What does any of that have to do with you suggesting that it's a negative thing for women to be out drinking?

yet pointing out that men and women are different and are viewed differently by society(rightly or wrongly)is the problem especially when dealing with unsavoury subject as excessive drinking

If you feel excessive drinking is unsavoury then you should apply that to both men and women otherwise it's just plain old misogyny.

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 11:10

and for what it's worth I don't drink to excess at all. I just despise seeing judgement being piled on women for not conforming to outdated societal expectations.

Aggy35 · 17/11/2021 11:12

Excessive drinking is horrible regardless gender.Yes I (and most society ) do expect more from women (safety,vulnerability etc), but its just unsavoury men or women.

ShaneTheThird · 17/11/2021 11:15

It entirely depends. I find DPS mates a bit pathetic at 30 years old hanging out in clubs with 20 year olds snorting coke and doing DMT. An adult going to the pub for a few drinks I don't find pathetic at all.

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 11:16

Yes I (and most society ) do expect more from women (safety,vulnerability etc)

And you don't see any issues with these double standards? If it's safety you're bothered about shouldn't, you expect more from men?

Aggy35 · 17/11/2021 11:22

I do...but it is what it is.Sadly we live in a world were vulnerable can get taken advantage of.Also Women themselves present a more put together picture ( make up,dresses ,heels etc).When that goes in a drunken state it looks worse .

SpinsForGin · 17/11/2021 11:31

@Aggy35

I do...but it is what it is.Sadly we live in a world were vulnerable can get taken advantage of.Also Women themselves present a more put together picture ( make up,dresses ,heels etc).When that goes in a drunken state it looks worse .

It's a shame you hold such misogynistic views. One way we can tackle these views is to stop promoting them and accepting them as a given.

5128gap · 17/11/2021 11:36

There are a lot of straw man arguments on this thread. The OP was putting forward the view that its not pathetic to go out drinking after 35. The people who disagree seem to be conflating this with drinking to incapacity and drinking when caring for children, which are entirely different things. I don't think anyone has put forward an argument as to why its pathetic and sad to go out drinking just because you're over 35.