To think that going out drinking at 35+ isn't pathetic?

[CecilieRose]

I've seen quite a few posts on here lately basically implying that 'real grown ups' don't go out drinking/clubbing/to the pub/out late and I find it really irritating and patronising. What's with this idea that there's something immature about going out and having a good time?

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Before anyone implies it, no, I don't have a booze problem, but I do enjoy going out every other weekend or so, out for dinner and then onto a pub or bar, and often stay until closing. It hadn't occurred to me that being mid thirties, this would make me a tragic figure for some. There are plenty of people my age and older doing the same here in London so it's a bit baffling to think some people seem to consider it pathetic or immature. Why? If a grown adult has a good job and their life together, what on earth is wrong with going out at the weekend?

@cecilierose she was incredible! She sadly passed away last year, but by God did that woman live her life! She had a bit of cash and designed and built her own house...it was like something from Gatsby! Her DH passed away when she was in her 50s, she had no interest of meeting anyone else, so she built a gorgeous home and threw amazing parties.

Her children idolised her, she was such a wonderful woman. I hate this idea that a few drinks and it means you're a brainless moron...try telling that to her! She could run rings around anyone!

Going out drinking any age over 30 isn't a thing at all in real life. Who on earth should judge that!

I can't speak for@LolaSmilesobviously but I think its the whole fetishing of drinking in this cutesy way that you see all the time. The giant wine glass memes and "wine o'clock" aprons and all that jazz.

It's wine for wine's sake rather than wine as a mood enhancer when you're doing something fun anyway. Subtle but fairly significant difference
You've totally got where I'm coming from.
It's naff at any age, but even more naff once you're past early adulthood.

The idea of 'going out drinking' is much the same I my eyes. Going out drinking and alcohol being the focus is naff at any age, but especially sad the older you get.

The language people use about drinking tends to reveal a lot about their attitudes to it. The people I know who talk about going out out or out drinking tend to have very different attitudes to the people who talk about seeing their friends on a Friday night. Both consume alcohol but their outlook is quite different.

I'm 39.

A few times a week I go up to my local pub on my own (shock horror) unless the dog counts.

I probably get a little tipsy most times. I meet with a handful of other people doing the same thing. Most of them male-I could not care less. What is wrong with that? Would my life be more fulfilling was I at home watching the telly?

I don't get drunk, but if I chose to,that's up to me. I am not an alcoholic, I just love the atmosphere, I love having a couple of glasses of wine and a giggle with people I like, and I like pub culture.
If this makes me a sad pathetic case I can live with it :)

@iheartredsquirrels

i'm supposed to be in blue rinse territory but i still go to rock concerts and music festivals. I wear pink doc martins, have pink hair and love heavy metal. Judge away i don't care i'm having a fab time !

Exactly! I love this comment.

I remember working in the BBC early 2000's and some women would stand around and curse Emily Maitlis for wearing mid-thigh length skirts. She had great legs, she also had kids and the comments - ouch! I thought that was just clear jealousy.

I feel the same about this. I'm now ten years older than Emily Maitlis was then (well nearly) and I have some skirts that are above the knee. I look good in them!

Just be happy regardless of what others say. You only get one life. Seriously.

PS - I have a bag load of kids and I am at bars maybe 3 time a year, bars with loud-ish music! I don't really go clubbing, last time was around 4 years ago, covid killed that off for a lot of people, but also I see my friends so seldom now that when we go out I like the chance to talk to them, to hear them. That's the only reason a club is not on my radar at the moment.

Well my mum, dad, stepmum and stepdad would be annoyed. They're all 55-60 and love a night dancing or at the pub. They're very successful normal people.

@TheOriginalEmu

I don’t really see why you have to have a ‘good job and your life together’ to enjoy a night out either.

I am not much of a pub person, but I love comedy or live music and if anyone thinks that’s sad? I don’t really care.

Just a point to counteract the idea some seem to have that only total losers 'go out drinking'.

Also half my pals are single 32-37yo and they still come out with those of us who are 26-30!

I've just rolled into bed from the bar (on holiday) we regularly go to the pub at home too. Never too old to have fun

Well I am over 50, so old enough not to give two shits about other people's opinions on my social life. I've hung up my clubbing gear a long time ago, but still enjoy going out for meals, gigs, and yes, getting a bit bladdered now and again! I'm middle -aged, not dead yet!

When I can get a babysitter, which is almost never, I like to go out on the piss with my friends. I'll stay out until the bars close, which is 3am here. I have a nice time. I don't think it makes me immature!

I think acting like an idiot and not having your shit together is immature... And those two things do SOMETIMES go together with the party animal lifestyle. However, the simple act of going out and getting drunk is not immature in it's own right. I think it's the association with people who take it too far and aren't functioning well as adults that makes some people think it's immature.

Also this is MN, not real life. On here if you only need to have a glass of wine with dinner a few nights a week before you're a raging alcoholic.

It’s fine, but I haven’t seen people on here saying it isn’t.
Yes, when someone goes out and gets shitfaced at the expense of their partner, ie regularly leaving them alone with the children day and night to do so, especially without agreement, that’s a problem. But not the going out at a particular age as such.

those nights in the pub have to stop because when you try to join in without drinking, you find people just talk shit mainly. They stop making much sense after so many drinks...and it's boring

I gave up drinking two years ago because I was a complete piss artist and I've got to say there's some truth in this. After about 11 you start feeling like you're having a very different time to everyone else.

As most people get older our interests and priorities change. Social events revolve around conversation with people I know really well. I don't need or want overpriced drinks and earsplitting music to have fun. We sometimes go to the theatre or a live concert though. I would probably think anyone my age (40) carrying on like a nineteen year old being drunk and dancing at a club was immature, although I wouldn't actually care that much. It's hardly a criminal offence.

I think it depends on what "going out drinking" means.

If you are having some drinks with friends at the pub, or going dancing with some friends, that seems normal. But I'd think of those things as going out with friends and really the drinking wouldn't be important especially.

But when I think about people who say they are going out drinking, to my mind the focus is on getting drunk, the booze, and yeah, I probably do see older people doing that, especially regularly, as a little lame.

@WhiteVanWoman91

Well, mumsnet is full of the type of woman usually associated with the Karen meme. In a lot of European places the pensioners sit out and have a drink in the evening.

Does anyone call that "going out drinking" or any variation of that?

A lot of Europeans think the way the English drink to just drink is weird.

And so many proving the OPs point that its ageist!

Just because you "grew out of it" doesnt mean that everyone else should!

YABU to rule out parents - we need it the most 😆. I mean obviously if you're leaving a 2 year old home alone to go out, but babysitters are a thing!

@Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername

I'm a responsible 53yo who has a high pressured responsible job, and grown up DC. I went out for Sunday lunch yesterday and came home plastered. Also to be found regularly in Ministry of Sound with my equally "irresponsible" sister who is older than me

Ha, ha, good for you and "irresponsible " sister. Enjoy. 🤣😂💃🏻💃🏻

Nothing wrong with drinking at 35+ and living life as you want to in a way that doesn't harm/ impact on others.

The concern is when you are 35+ and still care so much about what other people think about how you life your life!

OP, life is short and you only get one so have as much fun doing the things you enjoy as you can. Don’t let anyone else make you old before your time. As long as you’re not harming anyone, that’s the only thing that counts. At 40 I don’t want to go out every weekend anymore but that’s a personal choice, not because I don’t think it’s appropriate for someone my age. I find people that disapprove of others having harmless fun hilarious, I avoid them at all costs

Do what you like. I don't judge but don't understand why by 30/40s everyone still thinks a hangover is a badge of honour & getting smashed is fun & those of us that that don't are excluded from social gatherings.

I do admit a full grown adult who drinks so much they're unable to walk unaided or get home safely is not attractive. It's pretty pathetic.

I'm a 64 year old lesbian (sexuality potentially relevant) and would still go dancing and drinking. No where near as often as when younger but still the desire is there to go out and have that kind of fun, yes,. It's much more usual for lesbians to still do this no matter what age, and for gay venues/nights to be multi generational.

YANBU. My mum still goes out and she's 52. Anyone sneering at others for what they enjoy doing are pathetic, that goes both ways.

My DS will be grown up by the time I'm 40 as I had him young. I am not married and have no intention of marrying ever again. You best believe I'm going out and living my life in my 40s.

Single mum to 2 children under 5 so my going out days seem a thing of the past but I absolutely lov a night out! Love going to the pubs, bars, clubs, events... justlove having a good time! I love getting my outfit sorts, doing my hair and make up, pre drinks, staying over in hotels, dancing, chatting a load of rubbish, the funny photos... the take away the next day!
Don't get me wrong it's not my priority right now and it's been a long time but I don't see anything wrong with doing what you enjoy if it does no harm!
Anyone who thinks other wise can sod off!