To think that going out drinking at 35+ isn't pathetic?

[CecilieRose]

I've seen quite a few posts on here lately basically implying that 'real grown ups' don't go out drinking/clubbing/to the pub/out late and I find it really irritating and patronising. What's with this idea that there's something immature about going out and having a good time?

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Before anyone implies it, no, I don't have a booze problem, but I do enjoy going out every other weekend or so, out for dinner and then onto a pub or bar, and often stay until closing. It hadn't occurred to me that being mid thirties, this would make me a tragic figure for some. There are plenty of people my age and older doing the same here in London so it's a bit baffling to think some people seem to consider it pathetic or immature. Why? If a grown adult has a good job and their life together, what on earth is wrong with going out at the weekend?

Totally agree OP, going out wi the intention of having drinks/a good laugh is one of life's pleasures. Especially on a Sunday afternoon in a dingy basement bar WI a fire in winter...
Although, at 44, Im defo over clubbing!

YANBU OP. I don't particularly enjoy 'clubbing' at the grand old age of 38 (but then I'm not sure I ever did) but give me a nice bar with table service, good company and good wine and I'd sit there all night if they let me. Ditto 'dinner' parties with good friends that go on until dawn.

I was at a work related event recently until the small hours of the morning and the last two standing on the dance-floor, drinks in hand, were a very well-respected professional couple with a whole brood of Grandkids under their belts, who just love to let their hair down. I sincerely hope I'm much the same as them in my 60s!

How bizarre to judge someone for going out aged over 35. Me personally I prefer staying in always have as I can drink wine in my pyjamas you can judge me for that . My mil who’s in her 70s is always out she enjoys going out and good for her . There is no cut off that you stop going out .

Just remembered. One of the wait staff at my last pub was 46 and still did Ibiza with her best friends as she did in the 90's. She wasnt embarrassed, I was envious and it was epic (she told me!) so what the hell is wrong with that?

If she had posted on MN about going on a cooking course in France for 4 days or a walking tour of Tuscany then no one would have an issue, but I can imagine the posts if she had said what she actually did!

I'm 37 and certainly don't consider myself too old to go out. I consider myself too lazy to go out these days but that's a different matter entirely!

I love clubbing and nights out dancing. I'm nearly 50. Even have a lovely dab of MDMA now and again.

I play in a covers band, playing mostly music from 60s, 70s and 80s. Most of our audience are 40 - 70 years, they drink a fair bit (no trouble ever) and they dance the night away. You don't know what you're missing out on! Lots of fun going on in social clubs, pubs and small music venues for the over 40s!

@Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername

I'm a responsible 53yo who has a high pressured responsible job, and grown up DC. I went out for Sunday lunch yesterday and came home plastered. Also to be found regularly in Ministry of Sound with my equally "irresponsible" sister who is older than me

I want to be your friend!!

I got a photo of my parents (late 60s then) eating chips at 3am after they went for a quiet drink people watching and ended up in Yates on a Saturday night. I was in bed at 10am

I’m married with a DD, almost 44. I’ve not had recent opportunity but pre DD (2) I still loved a night out and will again.
I fully intend to go back to Ibiza for some downtime post Covid. My raving days are not fully over yet!
I have finally stopped breastfeeding after 26 months so can now delegate bedtimes and leave DD overnight. I won’t regularly, but can have some odd nights out again.
If I was single and still in London I’d be out most nights for sure. It’s the only bit of London life I miss.

I’m 66 and spent this weekend at the Hard Rock Hell weekender at Great Yarmouth. I had a few drinks and stayed up late…oooooh, naughty me 😂.

I go out a couple of times a week to my local Rock club or Blues Club. I’d like to meet the person who’d try to tell me I shouldn’t do it and should stay in like a good little old lady!

I’m doing as much as I can for as long as I can and I couldn’t give a shiny shit what anyone thinks 😈

I’m with you. I’m 40+ and like nothing better than a night at the pub or a bar having a laugh with friends.

I posted recently about feeling lonely because lots of my friends ( from various friendship groups) appear to be fused to their sofa.

I get that some people have always been the type to prefer a cup of tea and a good book, and getting older means they feel they have permission to do that.

But doesn’t mean people are crazy because they want to be sociable.

I think that people ignore their social lives when they have a family ( often through time pressure) and it isn’t heathy.

I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of the club scene but unfortunately I don’t have friends that feel the same and not been out for a good 4 years.

I don’t go out to take drugs and get wasted, I just love having a couple drinks and dancing with my girl friends.
I don’t think I’ll ever be too old to stop dancing.

I equate going out 'on the town' so to speak with meeting men (or women) and find that it's something for singles to do...or young people who might be attached but not married.

I know that sounds a bit old-fashioned to some people...but a big part of clubbing and so on is dancing, showing off, dressing up and meeting new people....and the people you meet in clubs aren't usually looking for friendship are they?

@Catastrophejane

I’m with you. I’m 40+ and like nothing better than a night at the pub or a bar having a laugh with friends.

I posted recently about feeling lonely because lots of my friends ( from various friendship groups) appear to be fused to their sofa.

I get that some people have always been the type to prefer a cup of tea and a good book, and getting older means they feel they have permission to do that.

But doesn’t mean people are crazy because they want to be sociable.

I think that people ignore their social lives when they have a family ( often through time pressure) and it isn’t heathy.

So much of it is attached to drinking alcohol though...and for many, as they hit their 40s, they realise they drink a bit too much...and those nights in the pub have to stop because when you try to join in without drinking, you find people just talk shit mainly. They stop making much sense after so many drinks...and it's boring.

Two separate issues being conflated here I think: I think routinely getting blind drunk at pretty much any age is a bit grim. For very young people its excusable but it gets progressively less attractive with every decade. Wanting to get shitfaced every night when you're into middle age isn't just a bad look its terrible for your health and almost certainly a problem for your loved ones.

That said, there is a certain mindset that is a bit judgy and snotty about people going out after the age of about 35-40. Some people seem to think that because they've hit an arbitrary milestone or because they have kids and a spouse they need suddenly to morph into their parents overnight and look down on anyone who enjoys life. That's probably largely jealousy. But its not really just about drinking its just being being bores with limited imagination.

It’s not for me but I don’t think it’s pathetic. I would just prefer a nice meal, comedy night, show, concert or gig to go along with it.

Or a nice holiday.

Mind you, my kids are young and I have no energy. Ask me again in a few years when they are in double digits 😆

@Thatsplentyjack

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Eh why shouldn't I get ti go out drinking? If I've got a baby sitter then wtf is the problem?

Sigh.

If you've got a babysitter, then you haven't got young children to look after, have you? Someone else is looking after them.

I agree OP and love dinner and drinks and everything else you described in your posts.

But actually I do think that going out specifically to get absolutely smashed, clubbing and rolling in at 5am and forgetting large chunks of information to be slightly depressing for anyone tbh, but that’s only because the impact of this on A&E departments, police and the following day’s vomit strewn pavements. Not my idea of fun. But plenty of other people’s it seems.

@thepeopleversuswork I agree with most of your post but sadly it’s my parents who are out doing this more than me 🤦‍♀️

We definitely move in different circles because nobody I know thought we should stop going out on the weekends when we hit 35.

I had a big lifestyle overhaul for health reasons and generally wanting some new experiences but I am in the minority amongst my longterm friends.

Having said that I am a little judgey pants about my parent friends getting out of their minds so frequently and so excessively. I'm not talking a fun night out and laugh about it the next day. I'm talking coming home in the early hours and rounding off the night with more booze and either still being at it when the kids wake up or being found slumped asleep in the chair or terrifying the children with drunken sleepwalking. It's like nobody told them the party is over. It's depressing and the darker home side of 'life of the party'.

I think that as people get older they start to see alcohol differently, yes it lowers inhibitions, can be great fun but the price you pay in terms of health, finances, relationships can be huge.

My own motivations were not particularly dramatic, I simply developed new interests and hobbies and was not prepared to waste my free time on the weekends being hungover when there was so much more I could be doing.

Completey nothing wrong with that !!

A night drinking with friends has one been one of my favourite things to do for the past 15 years, mid 30s and no kids yet but when and if we do have them I sincerely hope our personalities won't change so fundamentally I'll stop enjoying it.

Sorry, someone drank an entire tot of Bailey's?

Nights out are fewer and further between now I am late 30s but still happen. Most recently drinks in a bar that had a dance floor and stayed open til late. We were drunk, though perfectly able to get home safely about 2am. Was a brilliant night. All friends were same age and we weren't the oldest ones there. Definitely a mixed crowd I would say 20 - 50 year olds.