To think that going out drinking at 35+ isn't pathetic?

[CecilieRose]

I've seen quite a few posts on here lately basically implying that 'real grown ups' don't go out drinking/clubbing/to the pub/out late and I find it really irritating and patronising. What's with this idea that there's something immature about going out and having a good time?

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Before anyone implies it, no, I don't have a booze problem, but I do enjoy going out every other weekend or so, out for dinner and then onto a pub or bar, and often stay until closing. It hadn't occurred to me that being mid thirties, this would make me a tragic figure for some. There are plenty of people my age and older doing the same here in London so it's a bit baffling to think some people seem to consider it pathetic or immature. Why? If a grown adult has a good job and their life together, what on earth is wrong with going out at the weekend?

@thepeopleversuswork

Two separate issues being conflated here I think: I think routinely getting blind drunk at pretty much any age is a bit grim. For very young people its excusable but it gets progressively less attractive with every decade. Wanting to get shitfaced every night when you're into middle age isn't just a bad look its terrible for your health and almost certainly a problem for your loved ones.

That said, there is a certain mindset that is a bit judgy and snotty about people going out after the age of about 35-40. Some people seem to think that because they've hit an arbitrary milestone or because they have kids and a spouse they need suddenly to morph into their parents overnight and look down on anyone who enjoys life. That's probably largely jealousy. But its not really just about drinking its just being being bores with limited imagination.

It does sometimes come across as jealousy. I truly don't understand the judgement about people who work hard all week having a good time at the weekend. People like that seem to think that only their idea of 'being an adult' counts, and that's settling down and having babies.

As someone else noted, it's really normal on the continent for older people to be out drinking on terraces, even really late. Not remotely unusual for 50+ year olds to be still out enjoying themselves at 2am, pretty tipsy. .

I remember being in a nightclub in Rio, the group who took me there went immediately to the bar, we drank one shot and no more for the whole night then spent the next five hours dancing. It was amazing, three floors filled with beautiful men and women of all ages (well realistically probably 20 to late 50's) dancing.

I've noticed this but from my observations it doesn't seem to be rooted in jealousy, more misogyny and classism.

I only ever see it directed at women, never men. Also it seems people find it more acceptable for 35+ women to be out in expensive wine bars or cocktail bars where they're spending £15+ on a drink than to be out in the lower end pubs and clubs where they're drinking half a lager.

@CecilieRose

I think the amount and style of drinking does colour this somewhat, to be honest.

I like a drink as much as the next person, I often go out for a few drinks with mates and every now and then like to go out and have a proper skinful if I can get childcare. But I do think having to get roaring drunk every weekend night once you're well into middle age is a bit desperate, I have to say.

I doubt it's jealousy OP, although 'they must be jealous' is the go to response on here if anyone disagrees or doesn't like something.

Has anyone actually said that they dislike people having a good time at the weekend?

For me there's a difference between:
A) going out drinking where the focus of the evening is to drink alcohol and get drunk because it's the weekend
And
B) going out with friends and enjoying a social drink

The first attitude does seem a bit immature and sad to me, and I mentally group it with people who talk about needing wine on Wednesday because it's hump day and blabbering about how they need gin and prosecco because they've had a hard day adulting at work. It's a drinking culture that I find a bit bizarre once people get past their 20s.

The second sounds lovely, sociable, where people are enjoying each other's company. They might do comedy nights, or local band nights, or clubbing or large gigs or festivals or enjoy sitting down their local til closing time. People enjoy a few drinks but the focus is on the company, not binge drinking because it's the weekend.

I don't know where you live but where I live going out is completely normal at every age.

Out out too.

I am now 58 but I just didn’t bother with night out in my 30s …the thought of a hangover and dealing with baby/ toddlers was just horrible! Now at my age I do go out ,have fun and only worry about walking the dog !!

@LolaSmiles

This is so true. The whole "wine o'clock" thing and endless Prosecco and gin memes is really cringeworthy at any age, its trying to glorify functional alcoholism.

And though it is probably ageist I sort of expect people with kids, jobs and spouses to have grown out of that a bit.

Drinking to enhance a good time with friends =ageless fun which everyone who drinks should do sometimes.

Drinking as the central focus of the evening and an end in itself = naff and slightly depressing.

48 here and another one who went out yesterday lunch and came home plastered. It was freakin’ awesome! Yes, I’ve felt a bit crap today but still managed to do everything I needed to do and giggled many times remembering how silly last night was. We didn’t go clubbing though. We had a party in our friends’ extremely beautiful garden so I guess that’s more acceptable for us “oldies”.

I think round here, it’s really common for over 30’s to go out for lunch and drinks during the day. That’s what I do. We might go to a few pubs but be gone by 9pm when the younger ones starting their night.

I wouldn’t go clubbing at 41. I don’t know anyone my age that goes clubbing but out for meals with friends and drinks/pubs etc in the day, early evening then absolutely yes!

@LolaSmiles

I doubt it's jealousy OP, although 'they must be jealous' is the go to response on here if anyone disagrees or doesn't like something.

Has anyone actually said that they dislike people having a good time at the weekend?

For me there's a difference between:
A) going out drinking where the focus of the evening is to drink alcohol and get drunk because it's the weekend
And
B) going out with friends and enjoying a social drink

The first attitude does seem a bit immature and sad to me, and I mentally group it with people who talk about needing wine on Wednesday because it's hump day and blabbering about how they need gin and prosecco because they've had a hard day adulting at work. It's a drinking culture that I find a bit bizarre once people get past their 20s.

The second sounds lovely, sociable, where people are enjoying each other's company. They might do comedy nights, or local band nights, or clubbing or large gigs or festivals or enjoy sitting down their local til closing time. People enjoy a few drinks but the focus is on the company, not binge drinking because it's the weekend.

I'm not sure why you have to draw such a line. I never go out with the intention of getting drunk, and I never did, even when much younger. The focus was always on the company and not the booze, and I think that's the case for most people?

So what if someone wants to have some wine on Wednesday or a gin after a hard day at work? I don't understand why you care. I like doing all the things you mentioned, but I also like just going to the pub with the specific aim of drinking and talking to my friends.

I'm 43. I go out clubbing if I want to.

@iheartredsquirrels @rainbowshit though @EstuaryBird could show me a thing or too I reckon

@CecilieRose

I can't speak for @LolaSmiles obviously but I think its the whole fetishing of drinking in this cutesy way that you see all the time. The giant wine glass memes and "wine o'clock" aprons and all that jazz.

It's wine for wine's sake rather than wine as a mood enhancer when you're doing something fun anyway. Subtle but fairly significant difference.

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@CecilieRose

I can't speak for @LolaSmiles obviously but I think its the whole fetishing of drinking in this cutesy way that you see all the time. The giant wine glass memes and "wine o'clock" aprons and all that jazz.

It's wine for wine's sake rather than wine as a mood enhancer when you're doing something fun anyway. Subtle but fairly significant difference.[/quote]
Oh yeah, I agree that's really naff. But nothing to do with age, it's just naff.

40 here. Would go clubbing, pandemic notwithstanding. What I wouldn't do is rock up to a student night or a place known for very young folk and/or cheap drinks. That would look a bit sad (and I wouldn't enjoy it either).

Club nights that are more about the music (of various genres) are IME pretty welcoming because it's absolutely not all about boozing / pulling.

I’ve just come home from a meal out ,drinks and a gig with a friend. It’s all good. I won’t be giving that up anytime soon. I also like staying home and chilling sometimes too (it’s also cheaper). But we can do both can’t we?

When I was 23, I met a woman through a book reading who was in her 70's. We became quite friendly. One day she turned up to my part time job (in a gallery where she volunteered), and told me to leave early because she was taking us for drinks.

I did so. We spent the afternoon getting drunk on champagne, eating cheese, and then going on to another wine bar until it closed at 3am. She was a writer, an architect, and absolutely bloody wonderful.

I'm 31 and when in her age I hope I'll be the same! Not into clubbing but anyone who tells me that drinking and not being home in your PJ's every weekend is for teenagers is ridiculous.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

I'm early 30s and love a good pub or bar night out. Never been much of a clubber other than very cheesy places. Christ I've go out with my mum who's in her 60s and stay til last orders...she's the one insisting we stay!

As long as DH and DS don't suffer the next day as a result (ie missed trips, broken promises, bad moods etc) then what's the harm?

Oh jolly good and well done 👏

@FolkyFoxFace

When I was 23, I met a woman through a book reading who was in her 70's. We became quite friendly. One day she turned up to my part time job (in a gallery where she volunteered), and told me to leave early because she was taking us for drinks.

I did so. We spent the afternoon getting drunk on champagne, eating cheese, and then going on to another wine bar until it closed at 3am. She was a writer, an architect, and absolutely bloody wonderful.

I'm 31 and when in her age I hope I'll be the same! Not into clubbing but anyone who tells me that drinking and not being home in your PJ's every weekend is for teenagers is ridiculous.

Oh wow, she sounds amazing! I'd love a friend like that.

Still raving. Just enjoy it. Am 38!

YANBU!

Going out for drinks and seeing friends is an absolute necessity for me!

And I'm the wrong side of 40 with 2 young children

I don’t really see why you have to have a ‘good job and your life together’ to enjoy a night out either.

I am not much of a pub person, but I love comedy or live music and if anyone thinks that’s sad? I don’t really care.

@FortunesFave - I totally agree about the people talking shit once drunk. Even worse when they repeat it constantly!

But think you can have a good night with just a couple of drinks. Maybe we need to sort the drinking culture?

As pps have said - everyone seems to have more fun in places like Spain and Italy.