To think that going out drinking at 35+ isn't pathetic?

[CecilieRose]

I've seen quite a few posts on here lately basically implying that 'real grown ups' don't go out drinking/clubbing/to the pub/out late and I find it really irritating and patronising. What's with this idea that there's something immature about going out and having a good time?

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones? Are they just supposed to sit at home with a cup of tea because they're over some arbitrary cut-off age for having fun?

Before anyone implies it, no, I don't have a booze problem, but I do enjoy going out every other weekend or so, out for dinner and then onto a pub or bar, and often stay until closing. It hadn't occurred to me that being mid thirties, this would make me a tragic figure for some. There are plenty of people my age and older doing the same here in London so it's a bit baffling to think some people seem to consider it pathetic or immature. Why? If a grown adult has a good job and their life together, what on earth is wrong with going out at the weekend?

Going out drinking' sounds sad to me because it makes the focus of the evening about drinking alcohol, which most people grow out of in their 20s. I feel the same about talk of 'going out out' as it all seems to be part of immature excessive drinking culture

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@Joystir59

I'm a 64 year old lesbian (sexuality potentially relevant) and would still go dancing and drinking. No where near as often as when younger but still the desire is there to go out and have that kind of fun, yes,. It's much more usual for lesbians to still do this no matter what age, and for gay venues/nights to be multi generational.

Yes I’ve noticed this. My best pal is lesbian and the bars I’ve been to with her are very mixed age wise. I can’t imagine going to a straight club at 40, it just doesn’t appeal to me.

This thread is odd. 'Going out' is ok. But 'going out drinking' is not. We never call it 'drinking' anyway.

Ds2 plays football. Dh goes out with the football dads. I go out with the football mums. Some people drink, others don't (drink non alcoholic, ie coca-cola) and drive home. What category does this fall into? Does anyone even care?

I’m 60. I enjoy going out for a drink, but simply don’t have the tolerance for alcohol I had 20 or even 10 years ago and I bloody hate being hung over. I like dancing at parties but not really clubbing.

This thread is odd. 'Going out' is ok. But 'going out drinking' is not. We never call it 'drinking' anyway
It's not really that odd to notice a difference in behaviour between people who describe their evening as going drinking and people who talk about going out to see their friends.

There's plenty of people who manage to enjoy an evening with friends and will sit in in pub until closing without making alcohol their focus. Equally one look at a town centre late on a Friday night shows that for quite a lot of adults their weekend socialising revolves around getting drunk.

I'm in my 50s and meet friends in the pub most weekends. I'm certainly not pathetic! I never understand this compulsion to judge people. Just live your own life they way you choose to.

The only thing that I find pathetic is people judging others on their social life choices.

@OhGiveUp

The only thing that I find pathetic is people judging others on their social life choices.

No one is "judging others on their social life choices".

The OP is actually saying she thinks that people are unecessarily harsh about people over a certain age who go out.

But surely you can see the difference between people going out to have fun and a few drinks with some mates and people going out every night and getting absolutely bladdered for the sake of it? That's not a "social life choice", that's alcoholism.

It just doesn't seem fun to me.
It quickly lost its appeal when I turned 18 / was old enough to do it legally.
I struggle to see the appeal I guess.

Isn’t drinking culture a bit old fashioned now? The early 2000s type with alcopops and high heels.

@FortunesFave

I equate going out 'on the town' so to speak with meeting men (or women) and find that it's something for singles to do...or young people who might be attached but not married.

I know that sounds a bit old-fashioned to some people...but a big part of clubbing and so on is dancing, showing off, dressing up and meeting new people....and the people you meet in clubs aren't usually looking for friendship are they?

I've met some of my best, most long-term friends through clubbing. Not sure what you mean really.

You arranging a night out op? Count me in

Based on the recent thread about JD and drinking games, Mumsnet is full of pompous people who believe the only acceptable way to have a good time over 30 is to sit drinking naice wine with your very serious friends and then maybe follow it up with only the naicest of whiskey. In the real world, what you describe is also completely normal. But then this, in a nutshell, is why Mumsnet makes for such compulsive reading. All these people and their unimaginable lives (I just try not to let my own judginess spill over on to the page toooo often)

@Oblomov21

This thread is odd. 'Going out' is ok. But 'going out drinking' is not. We never call it 'drinking' anyway.

Ds2 plays football. Dh goes out with the football dads. I go out with the football mums. Some people drink, others don't (drink non alcoholic, ie coca-cola) and drive home. What category does this fall into? Does anyone even care?

Why is it odd?? 'Going out' doesn't necessarily involve drinking. I wanted to make it clear I do mean going out to a pub/bar/whatever for alcoholic drinks.

Someone asked if other languages use this phrase and yes, they do. In Spanish it's 'ir a tomar una copa', with the understanding that 'una copa' could be quite a few and you could be there a while.

I'm 31 and I'd feel a bit silly in a nightclub now I think. I haven't been for years but I imagine they're full of 18-25 ish year olds?
Out for dinner and then pub/bar drinks is normal though!

An acquaintance posted a video of himself on his hands and knees pissed he's in his 40's. The mixed group all egging him on, legend, etc, etc.
They have children.
People say it's just a few, without realizing how obnoxious you've become and how much damage regular drinking to the state of drunkenness is doing to both the mind and body.
Personally, I partied hard, hard, hard hard, in my teens, 20's, toned it down in my 30's, 40's basically static. We still promoted raves and club events, but I'd collect my side of the takings and go to bed to sleep. Having worked at the front end of hospitality, people are kidding themselves about their behaviour.
A friend recently dj'ed at an old skool reunion, he just said everyone looks old. I know lots of middle-aged people still dabbling in drugs and excessive drinking.
It's just socially acceptable alcoholism, which if you have a family, the kids see it. My judgement applies to both men and women.
Having worked abroad in the same industry I can concur going out isn't all about drinking shot after shot.
Now I much prefer a few pints, good food, a chat, and a bed. My children have never, ever seen me drunk. I wouldn't date an excessive drinker either.
Anybody being giddy or overtly obnoxious in my space whilst out is given short shrift. If you can't control your bodily functions or walk straight when out then you are a fucking liability and will be treated as such.

I remember going to a night club at 30, I have never felt so out of place in my life - and that was as someone who adored clubbing from 15 - 22 and went multiple times a week.

I think most people just grow out of wanting to go out and get drunk every weekend, I know I did. There are other things I'd rather spend my money on and do, I don't want a hangover and I'm not on the pull (which is pretty much what drinking revolved around when I was young). Now I'd rather travel, have new experiences and go out and see something new, I'm definitely not interested in sitting in with a cup of tea and doing nothing.

If you're having fun then go for it. Everyone's idea of fun is different, people are never all going to enjoy the same things.

Oh and drinking is definitely viewed differently on the continent. People just don't go out and get shitfaced and think it's an achievement the way British people do.

@DukeofEarlGrey

Literally wasn't even aware that this kind of criticism was a thing. I am 41 and wouldn't think twice about a night out.

A night out that includes a restaurant and bars, Or going clubbing with young girls at around early 20s?

@WheelieBinPrincess

I’m in London too OP and I do wonder if it’s just more of the norm to do that in bigger cities?

I agree with this. I think you're more likely to be less judgemental about age and life stage expectations in major cities a d more likely to find like minded child free people

I'm 40 and DH is 50 and we still love a night out drinking and dancing.

I totally understand that people shouldn't be going out and getting smashed if they have young children to look after but what about childfree adults, and especially single ones?

Why can't people with children go out drinking?

I don’t do it every weekend but yes I love going out drinking/out out, and I’m 35!

Sometimes you just need to blow off steam and get smashed 😄 I also have been to Creamfields for the last 11 years 🤪💃🏻

There are two things the joyless of Mumsnet condemn, booze and dogs.

Nothing wrong with having a good time, life is way too short not to.

Ageism is really quite widespread on here so I am not surprised that some think that the over 35s should be at home with a cup of cocoa catching up on their knitting.

I don't think it's 'sad' generally, but it's the ones who obsessively tell you about it to prove how cool and hilarious they are.

"I was sooooo drunk at the weekend and did this/ that, I'm so funny and young at heart."
With lots of cringey laughter.

That's the tragic part.