To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

@Allsortsofroses
I have 3 grown children and am also intrigued by the facility that has events lasting all day?

Please would you tell us:

1. where/what is the venue
2. how old is PFB birthday child
3. what is your relationship to double booker?

Your relative is probably thrilled. I’ve been attending kids birthday parties on at least a monthly basis for nearly a decade now. There hasn’t been one where I haven’t wanted an excuse to leave halfway through. If I had an unchristened child I would absolutely book it for the same day as a kids party without a second thought. In fact I might do it on purpose if the kids party host seemed to be treating the whole thing like a wedding and demanding everyone have fun and catch up rather than run around getting kids to the loo, cleaning up sick, eating stale party rings and being subjected to 2 hours of 30 screaming kids. Honestly, let it go, it is an utter non-event.

Depends on the type of venue.

What's the type of venue?

This thread is in danger of becoming the usual offensive, provocative, circular, bun fight/cluster fk that many aibu threads become.

Why post in AIBU? Is it so you could come out with this nonsense when you're told you are wrong?

Her mil's expressed opinion was "that is one spoilt little bitch, well he's made his bed, he can lie in it".

So you don't dislike her but you bitch about her with her husbands family? Funny that this is all her fault and her husband hasn't been blamed at all.

Oh, and how old is your child?

@Downton57

MiL sounds charming.

She is a straight talking, decent, lovely woman who has had many "challenges" in life and is widely admired and respected.

People know that if she said it, she had a point.

This thread is in danger of becoming the usual offensive, provocative, circular, bun fight/cluster fk that many aibu threads become.

No on's agreeing with me and I'm right so it must be everyone else, not me!

Completely understand your frustration OP, not quite sure why you're getting so much stick!! At least they will be there for part of the party, can you sing happy birthday a bit earlier and do cake or is that not really an option?

My MIL booked to leave the country two days before my sons first birthday, knowing when it was (it was on his actual birthday) and that we had a party planned.... It was noticed and I'll never forgive her! Can't choose family unfortunately but you can decide to have a good time regardless.

Hope the party is a roaring success!! x

I understand and sympathise. I have similarly selfish family members - eg booking winter wonderland on child’s birthday to get out of giving a present, pretending they’re going to a relative’s last minute wedding when actually they found a holiday deal etc. This is the last year I will put up with it. From next year all my kid’s birthday party invites will be friends only.

This is crazy. YABVVVU.

By the way, I'll echo everyone else.
HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD?

I'm going to hazard a guess.
One year old?

I mean if it was a black tie 18th birthday event, I can kind of see your point.

A christening is more important otherwise, sorry.
Its unfortunate the only date she could get clashed with a one year olds (?) birthday party.

My MIL booked to leave the country two days before my sons first birthday, knowing when it was (it was on his actual birthday) and that we had a party planned.... It was noticed and I'll never forgive her!

JFC. Do you know who didn't notice? Your son. No 1 year old needs a birthday party.

Just my opinion but I think people who say 'they've made their bed so they can lie on it' aren't one bit lovely.

Yes, I'd be absolutely gutted not to enjoy a mediocre lukewarm overpriced cappuccino whilst my kid fails to avoid the piss puddle in the ball pit. Gutted.

You make parenting sound so appealing

So you don't dislike her but you bitch about her with her husbands family?

Where did I say I said anything or was involved in the exchange at all?

Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions.

Demonstrating what I've said above.

Again, thanks for the perspectives.

@PissyMum

Your relative is probably thrilled. I’ve been attending kids birthday parties on at least a monthly basis for nearly a decade now. There hasn’t been one where I haven’t wanted an excuse to leave halfway through. If I had an unchristened child I would absolutely book it for the same day as a kids party without a second thought. In fact I might do it on purpose if the kids party host seemed to be treating the whole thing like a wedding and demanding everyone have fun and catch up rather than run around getting kids to the loo, cleaning up sick, eating stale party rings and being subjected to 2 hours of 30 screaming kids. Honestly, let it go, it is an utter non-event.

I thought perhaps "this woman" had been given a choice, and "my relative" begged her to choose the date of the birthday half day (but usually a full day) event extravaganza!

@Allsortsofroses

So you don't dislike her but you bitch about her with her husbands family?

Where did I say I said anything or was involved in the exchange at all?

Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions.

Demonstrating what I've said above.

Again, thanks for the perspectives.

Someone's told you about that conversation even if you weren't directly involved...

Ps how olds your child?

@Ozanj

I understand and sympathise. I have similarly selfish family members - eg booking winter wonderland on child’s birthday to get out of giving a present, pretending they’re going to a relative’s last minute wedding when actually they found a holiday deal etc. This is the last year I will put up with it. From next year all my kid’s birthday party invites will be friends only.

That's very frustrating and unfortunate.

I think you're making a mountain out a molehill tbh.
So she is now declining the party invitation, really not the end of the world.
Your mutual friend/relative will be attending 2 events on the same day.
The older child of the baby to be christened will probably attend the party, which may suit the parents of that baby, so what if it does.

There's really no need to call her selfish and dippy, this would not be an issue in my family.
She may be a bit flaky generally but birthday party acceptances declined fir food reason with several weeks notice is not worth getting worked up over.

Mountain, molehill, spitefull MIL, bonkers expectations regarding selection of dates for christening, whole day activities for birthday party.
This thread has them all. Very intriguing about the spectacular venue as well.

You really are building this up out of all proportion.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get hmm).

You want her child to remain unbaptised so your relative/mate can stay for the entire duration of your kid's birthday party?

Her mil's expressed opinion was "that is one spoilt little bitch, well he's made his bed, he can lie in it".

Wow, you all sound lovely. I can't possibly imagine why she wouldn't want to prioritise your event in her life.

Since when do DC give a shit about relatives attending their birthday parties? The whole point is that their friends are there.

Children's birthday parties are torture. Adults try and wriggle out of going. They are only human.

You sound extremely hard work tbh, and your expectations are unrealistic. You child is not the centre of everybody else's world, and the sooner you accept that, the better.

@girlmom21

My MIL booked to leave the country two days before my sons first birthday, knowing when it was (it was on his actual birthday) and that we had a party planned.... It was noticed and I'll never forgive her!

JFC. Do you know who didn't notice? Your son. No 1 year old needs a birthday party.

The rest of the family and friends who attended actually, many comments got made, especially as she made out she's this doting grand parent 🤣🤣 ..... This thread isn't about my shitty family anyway so don't start on me! My comment was to the OP so she knows it happens to everyone at some point!

Very clever how you managed to get in that you think she's a 'spoilt little bitch' while putting those words in the mouths of others.

At first I thought you were just a bit PFB, now I just think you sound quite unpleasant, unforgiving, and disingenuous.

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Very clever how you managed to get in that you think she's a 'spoilt little bitch' while putting those words in the mouths of others.

At first I thought you were just a bit PFB, now I just think you sound quite unpleasant, unforgiving, and disingenuous.

This. With each post you sound more unpleasant OP.

@girlmom21

My MIL booked to leave the country two days before my sons first birthday, knowing when it was (it was on his actual birthday) and that we had a party planned.... It was noticed and I'll never forgive her!

JFC. Do you know who didn't notice? Your son. No 1 year old needs a birthday party.

So true!