To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

She is a straight talking, decent, lovely woman who has had many "challenges" in life and is widely admired and respected.
She sounds very unpleasant, if she talks about her DIL like that.
What a ghastly thing to say. Hope DIL keeps her at arms length.

People know that if she said it, she had a point
They are probably too scared to say anything in front of her because they know what she is like.

I’d fire-bomb her house OP. If she hasn’t got the decency to send her child to purgatory so that your PFB can have a full house, then she may as well be dead to you.

OP. You have become so entrenched in your anger at this perceived slight that you’re not seeing the wood for the trees.

Your child’s birthday party is waaaaaay less important to everybody else in the world than it is to you and your child (and frankly, if you’ve brought your children up right, they shouldn’t be thinking of themselves as the centre of the universe anyway, so are unlikely to be upset at someone’ absence).

Your child will survive without any effect on his/her self esteem if one less person than anticipated is there to witness their cake cutting (ffs).

If you make this much fuss about the situation, you are likely to be creating in your child a greater sense of entitlement and self-importance than if you explain that sometimes things have to be arranged on the same day, we aren’t the only people in the world and lots of people have important things to be doing.

Just do what Queen say: be cool. Relax.

Arrange another time without children when you can catch up with your mate, without having to wrangle a horde of sugar-crazed children trying to do themselves a mischief at every turn; if you’re that close, you wouldn’t be offended by her very reasonable way of accommodating two events on the same date.

I fear that your conduct here will cause a big rift in your family, if you don’t stop being so unreasonably precious over this, honestly, small issue.

Of course, but she has to half ass a party (I'm saying party but it's a day out loud party if you get me - with lots to do, see, lots of activities, rides etc). The kids will be taken away in the middle of it, not get to do a quarter of the stuff including the really fun part which the venue ends parties with etc. Because of this woman.

Have you hired out DisneyLand or something?

Someone's told you about that conversation even if you weren't directly involved...

It's absolutely miraculous how some posters on here believe that they know everything about an incident that happenerd among people they have never met, do not know and were not party to.

Noone told me about it; I was standing there when she said it. I cant spend any more time repeatedly correcting (offensive) assumptions.

(And I'd really rather not put any further identifying information on this thread re children's ages, venue.etc.

What a load of fuss over nothing.

The child is attending, they won't care about the cake being cut. You arrange to see your relative on another occasion.

And repeating other people's bitchy comments just reflects badly on you.

If it’s annoying you, just tell them not to bother coming as you don’t want the room to look too empty after they leave. Maybe invite some of your child’s other friends/your friends who can stay for the whole party. I wouldn’t be overly offended but if you’re going to feel pissed off on the day because you know they’re waiting to leave, I think it’s best they’re not there so you can enjoy the day. You don’t have to please others, it’s your child’s party.

Similar story of a truly cheeky fuckers.... My daughter had a party when she was 7. About a week after I had given out the invites and people had accepted, another mum gave her child’s party invites out for the same day but starting an hour later. She knew when my child’s party was as her child was invited. I was a bit annoyed but just thought maybe she’d already had it booked.

A few of the parents tried to say they’d come to my child’s party but would be leaving early to go on to the other child’s party. Like they were doing me a favour. 🙄 That meant that I was paying full price for their kids to come for less than half the party, and that the table would be half empty when my child’s cake was brought out, singing happy birthday etc. I just told them to pick one or the other, some chose my daughters party, some chose the other. All good.

One cheeky fucker ignored what I’d said though, turned up to my child’s party, didn’t even bring a card, then as she was leaving with her child after 40 minutes, she asked for a party bag and cake for her child. 😬 The cake that hadn’t even been cut yet....😂 I was so shocked I actually started laughing and my friend had to explain why it wouldn’t be possible. This woman then took her child out with a face like thunder saying, ‘come on, we’re late for the other party now cos of this and they haven’t even fed you’.... 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I think some people just don’t think of others. I hope your child has a great party. Don’t let anything spoil the day.

@Allsortsofroses

None of which have taken several hours! Anything over 2 hours is taking the piss.

Depends on the type of venue.

This thread is in danger of becoming the usual offensive, provocative, circular, bun fight/cluster fk that many aibu threads become.

Many posters can't even be bothered reading the op or subsequent posts and it becomes trying restating the same things over and over, or correcting incorrect assumptions which wouldbt be stated if posts had been read.

Oh and re the accusations of "hating" this woman, I don't. Don't be silly/project onto me.
(It is worth mentioning for context though that she is disliked by many of her spouse's family members and friends.

Her mil's expressed opinion was "that is one spoilt little bitch, well he's made his bed, he can lie in it".

Many more anecdotes but I can't be bothered arguing about the character of a woman with posters herd who dont know her from Adam, when I do.
This incident is rather typical behaviour .

Thank you for the perspectives, and posters who can be civil while expressing their opinion, I appreciate it.

Posters are reading your OP and your answers and still think you're wrong. Yet because they continue to disagree with you, suddenly they're being offensive, provocative etc? You just don't like the fact that pretty much everyone on the thread thinks you're BU because we can see this relative's christening is more important than a kid's party.

Now you're resorting to drip-feeding. You say you don't have an issue with the relative, but clearly you do. If she's that much of a bitch, why invite her to the party in the first place?

I also think the narrative about 'but she's stopping me spending time with MY FRIEND' is a crock of shit. Who's stopping you spending time with her on literally any other day of the year? Nobody. I'm sure your friend feels great that the only time you can fit her in is when you're dealing with a dozen other kids' families, presents, food, activities, etc. What a great catch up for her, to sit there watching you run about like a blue arsed fly.

@TrashyPanda

She is a straight talking, decent, lovely woman who has had many "challenges" in life and is widely admired and respected. She sounds very unpleasant, if she talks about her DIL like that. What a ghastly thing to say. Hope DIL keeps her at arms length.

People know that if she said it, she had a point
They are probably too scared to say anything in front of her because they know what she is like.

Most people are in agreement with her.

Her mil's expressed opinion was "that is one spoilt little bitch, well he's made his bed, he can lie in it".
What a hideous woman calling her DIL that!

People know that if she said it, she had a point
Or they agree so they too don't get labeled a bitch or whatever other names she might come up with.

But back to your AIBU.

HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD?

Ages are hardly revealing.

Are we by any chance talking about all
Under 3s?

Most people are in agreement with her.
Including you it seems.

@Downton57

You call her dismissively 'this woman' but presumably she is your friend's much loved sister and if I think you need to tread carefully here or you could end up damaging your friendship. Just accept what's happening with a smile. It isn't the end of the world. It isn't actually worth a moment's upset.

I have suspected OP is jealous of her mate /relatives relationship with her sister and the new Niece/Nephew . Nose out of joint . Is your mate Godmother to her new Niece/Nephew ?

@TastesLikeFeet

If it’s annoying you, just tell them not to bother coming as you don’t want the room to look too empty after they leave. Maybe invite some of your child’s other friends/your friends who can stay for the whole party. I wouldn’t be overly offended but if you’re going to feel pissed off on the day because you know they’re waiting to leave, I think it’s best they’re not there so you can enjoy the day. You don’t have to please others, it’s your child’s party.

Similar story of a truly cheeky fuckers.... My daughter had a party when she was 7. About a week after I had given out the invites and people had accepted, another mum gave her child’s party invites out for the same day but starting an hour later. She knew when my child’s party was as her child was invited. I was a bit annoyed but just thought maybe she’d already had it booked.

A few of the parents tried to say they’d come to my child’s party but would be leaving early to go on to the other child’s party. Like they were doing me a favour. 🙄 That meant that I was paying full price for their kids to come for less than half the party, and that the table would be half empty when my child’s cake was brought out, singing happy birthday etc. I just told them to pick one or the other, some chose my daughters party, some chose the other. All good.

One cheeky fucker ignored what I’d said though, turned up to my child’s party, didn’t even bring a card, then as she was leaving with her child after 40 minutes, she asked for a party bag and cake for her child. 😬 The cake that hadn’t even been cut yet....😂 I was so shocked I actually started laughing and my friend had to explain why it wouldn’t be possible. This woman then took her child out with a face like thunder saying, ‘come on, we’re late for the other party now cos of this and they haven’t even fed you’.... 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I think some people just don’t think of others. I hope your child has a great party. Don’t let anything spoil the day.

Fk, that is dire.

Batshit, OP, Batfuckingshit

Your relative that is leaving the party could have said no......I'm not leaving the party early....

I get you're annoyed but 2 people are prioritising a christening over a party

That's their choice..... you could equally tell them not to bother coming at all if they aren't going to stay for all of it...

Or just take it as one of those things realise kids birthday parties are a pain to organise...and you may find more or less turn up on the day anyway.... and arrange a proper catch up with your friend/relative.... you rarely get a decent chance of a catch up if you're hosting party anyway

A child's birthday party is hardly an 'event'.

@Wimpeyspread

I think your child is not the centre of the world, and to her, her child’s christening is more important.

This

A child's age is hardly revealing

Honestly, if you're this much hard work in RL and your MIL is the sort to call her DIL a "bitch" in front of others then this woman sounds like she's giving you a well deserved middle finger and suiting herself. Well done her.

Shall we ask mumsnets to add a TMIR topic….. Tell Me I’m Reasonable.

Whatever venues have been booked and paid for, she’s certainly living rent free in your head.

TastesLikeFeet Now that I would get annoyed with! That's bloody outrageous of the other mum to double book. Well handled with the cake-grabbing CF though.

OP: AIBU?
The whole of mumsnet: Yes!
OP: No I'm not!