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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

746 replies

Allsortsofroses · 15/11/2021 12:58

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get Hmm).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 15/11/2021 13:48

Your kids party is for HALF A DAY??!!! Trust my when I say this OP - NOBODY wants to spend half a day with a bunch of people they don’t or barely know trying to control overexcited and ultimately overtired kids for more than 2hrs.

I would not want to give up a quarter of my weekend for someone’s else’s kids birthday, and definitely would not give up a whole day.

And you keep talking about who YOU want to be at the party, which makes me think your child is too young to express any preference themselves about who they want to be there. Which means it’s a preschooler or baby’s birthday party.

For half a day.

Sorry OP but that is just utterly ridiculous and I’d be amazed if anyone stays more than a couple of hours before they start making their excuses about things they need to attend to.

FatBettyintheCoop · 15/11/2021 13:51

How old is your child OP?

What sort place is it that hosts day long birthday parties? I live very rurally, so there’s nothing like that around here.

Mummyratbag · 15/11/2021 13:51

Oooh my guess is

1st birthday party, at the zoo and the "cake cutting" is a one of those annoying cake smash things??

It's disappointing that a couple of guests will leave early, but doesn't sound like there is malice in it.

I think you need to shrug it off or you are going to spoil your own special day...

starfishmummy · 15/11/2021 13:52

@Allsortsofroses

But it's not a clash of dates.

She accepted an invitation and then booked this weeks later Confused

Stop overthinking it. Clearly your child's party is not that important to them. Just carry on as you planned. If they come for part of it and miss the cake then so what?
SeaToSki · 15/11/2021 13:52

The person who has to drive the dc to the christening is the one who can choose to be upset, or choose to say no I wont cut my time at OP’s party short you need to find another way to get your dc from the party to the christening.

I would talk about it with your friend (the chauffeur) and if they want to do the driving still then organize another time to get together with them

Its a crappy thing of your relative’s to do (double book an event) but dont let it ruin your day

Downton57 · 15/11/2021 13:53

You call her dismissively 'this woman' but presumably she is your friend's much loved sister and if I think you need to tread carefully here or you could end up damaging your friendship. Just accept what's happening with a smile. It isn't the end of the world. It isn't actually worth a moment's upset.

Brigittebidet · 15/11/2021 13:54

Sorry it seems that it's been missed in the overall thread so I'll just put it here again

"HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD?"

You know, if it's an 18th, it's slightly different....

And no child's birthday party is EVER relaxing and fun, ever. At best, they're OK, at worst they are horrific.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 15/11/2021 13:54

A child’s birthday party is just not an “event” in any way shape or form Grin

An event…Confused

Cas112 · 15/11/2021 13:55

Your being way unreasonable, it sounds like a bit of a jealousy thing that the friend/relative is leaving early to go to the christening.

What if they can't get another date for ages and genuinely did forget, you've taken it way to personal, your child will have plenty more birthdays the other child won't get another christening. It could have just been an unfortunate error that you just have to move on from.

Like previous people have said, the world doesn't revolve around your child

justmaybenot · 15/11/2021 13:55

@Allsortsofroses

Can't you just arrange to see the relative another time?

Of course, but she has to half ass a party (I'm saying party but it's a day out loud party if you get me - with lots to do, see, lots of activities, rides etc). The kids will be taken away in the middle of it, not get to do a quarter of the stuff including the really fun part which the venue ends parties with etc. Because of this woman.

She's not just 'this woman' to the one who you want to stay for the whole party if she's the sibling of the one who double booked! Guess what - her niece/nephew's christening will be much more important to her than your child's birthday party. If you really were a good friend, you'd let her off the hook and tell her you don't want her rushing around and if she'd rather not, then don't worry about not coming to your party and just let her go to the christening. Your self-centredness is really not attractive
Rainbowshit · 15/11/2021 13:55

YABU. Honestly this really isn't the big deal you're making it out to be. Sorry but in the grand scheme of things your kid's party is just not that important to everyone else.

As the party host there's no way you're going to have a nice relaxing catch up with this relative. Make another date to catch up with them properly.

HarrisonStickle · 15/11/2021 13:55

She's been put in this position by this woman.

This woman is also your relative! You really don't like her though, do you?!

What a fuss about nothing.

Mummyratbag · 15/11/2021 13:57

Oh and I have never attended or hosted a party that has been anything other than crowd control!

BlusteringBoobies · 15/11/2021 13:57

You seem convinced that this is just AIBU being simply unreasonable and not quite considered that the issue may be you?

Why post if you're going to disagree with everyone and clutch to the near single poster who doesn't think you're massively over reacting?

Agree with the masses OP, the more you post the more I think you are being unreasonable and cross over a complete non issue.

melj1213 · 15/11/2021 13:57

@Sirzy

So you expect her to turn down a christening time - which is most areas are rare as hens teeth at the moment - to go to a both day party? Hmm

And for good measure I will try again with asking how old the children in question are?

This is a good point - my friend was meant to be having her daughter christened a month ago in a joint ceremony with her nephew and I was asked to be her godmother.

Her BIL caught covid a week before the day and, as he was meant to be his niece's godfather as well as it being his own son's christening, they decided to postpone it as he would not be out of self isolation. They spoke with the priest and the next available date they could be booked in was the end of February next year - 5 months after the original date.

The priest did offer to let them know if they have cancellations but, as they have family travelling from around the country, a short notice event just wasn't an option, so instead they have a 5 month wait.

TrashyPanda · 15/11/2021 13:58

A day long party sounds fucking horrific for all the parents involved. Frankly I'd be delighted to have a solid gold plated reason for leaving early
totally agree.

An all-day kids party sounds hideous for adults. The diametric opposite to “fun and relaxing”. I’d hate to have to give up a whole day for a party.

Are the parents at least able to drop and run?

Of course the christening is more important than a birthday party. And it doesn’t matter which came first - because it is the church that tells the parents when the christening came take place. Most people wouldn’t even clock if the minister said “2nd of December” that this was the same day as little Jimmy’s 8th birthday party. And they certainly wouldn’t delay the christening.

Original poster
Allsortsofroses · 15/11/2021 13:58

None of which have taken several hours! Anything over 2 hours is taking the piss.

Depends on the type of venue.

This thread is in danger of becoming the usual offensive, provocative, circular, bun fight/cluster fk that many aibu threads become.

Many posters can't even be bothered reading the op or subsequent posts and it becomes trying restating the same things over and over, or correcting incorrect assumptions which wouldbt be stated if posts had been read.

Oh and re the accusations of "hating" this woman, I don't. Don't be silly/project onto me.
(It is worth mentioning for context though that she is disliked by many of her spouse's family members and friends.

Her mil's expressed opinion was "that is one spoilt little bitch, well he's made his bed, he can lie in it".

Many more anecdotes but I can't be bothered arguing about the character of a woman with posters herd who dont know her from Adam, when I do.
This incident is rather typical behaviour .

Thank you for the perspectives, and posters who can be civil while expressing their opinion, I appreciate it.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 15/11/2021 13:58

Surely you aren't expecting other parents to prioritise your dc's birthday party over their own christening?

People will miss birthday parties throughout your dc's life for all sorts of reasons. It's best not to take it personally.

TheRustler · 15/11/2021 13:58

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I know I should report this post for spam but in a thread with a relentless one-note chorus and no verses from the OP, it made me laugh.

Rainbowshit · 15/11/2021 13:59

HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD?

powershowerforanhour · 15/11/2021 13:59

you're not close enough to her to be invited to the christening?

Perhaps the OP is not a member of the church congregation into which the child is being welcomed.

Namechangehereandnow · 15/11/2021 13:59

Honestly OP … in years to come you’ll look back and realise how much of a non issue this really is … chill,and enjoy your child’s birthday with whoever turns up.

daffodils123 · 15/11/2021 13:59

@Allsortsofroses

But it's not a clash of dates.

She accepted an invitation and then booked this weeks later Confused

A child's birthday party is pretty low on the list of things I would schedule around.

Really not a big deal, even if a niece of nephew's birthday party.

She's making effort so her kid can attend as much as possible.

Kids go to so many parties each year, it's a minor thing

Downton57 · 15/11/2021 13:59

MiL sounds charming.

chantico · 15/11/2021 14:01

I haven't a clue what sort of party could last all day.

It would help, stop some of the circularity of OP would tell us the age of the DC and the nature of the venue for the party.

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