To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

Not really sure why you posted in AIBU because you clearly don't think you're being unreasonable!

And you still haven't said how old your child will be.

Is the woman an ex wife of your DH and the child who can now only attend half of the birthday party is you child's half sibling?

You just happen to have been friends with their sibling for many years?

I can't think of any reason for so much resentment and grudges over a child's birthday!

I can actually see why you are annoyed. Obviously your relative can have the Christening when they want, and your Cousin? Would want to go to their neice/nephew Christening... but it is infuriating to have spent time and money organising an event where several guests can now not attend.

What bit didn't you understand?

If it's soooooooo important that this poor child doesn't miss any part of the birthday extravaganza then have her drop him/her at yours and you take him/her to the party with your DC.

Or stop moaning and get a grip.

Have you never attended or hosted kids parties? I'd have thought it would be patently obvious which party venues could take hours
After the best art of 20years of hosting kids parties the home part ones lasted 2 hrs. A set time was given eg 2 -4.
Event parties such as cinema were for older kids and only needed me and Dh there.
Bbq parties were from mid afternoon in the summer.
I honestly couldn't tell you who came and couldnt.
I know my sister xam to some but not all. Same as SIL. Same with mum and dad.
Just go with the flow and life will be easier and you less angry and stressed.

No, because I'd like to see my relative/friend and her family.

Well you can see them another time and to be honest it might well be better if you see just them rather than try to engage with them whilst hosting the party.

And I'd like them at my child's party.

Well they'll be there, just not precisely in the way that you'd like. I find it better not to worry about this stuff. Sometimes life doesn't pan out how we would like or in the way most suited to us. Other people have reasons for doing things and I find it better not to worry about it too much. It's not like the world revolves around me.

Why are you making this your problem?

You are not being inconvenienced, your child isn't missing out. Your friend/relative has presumably agreed to all of the lifts/leaving early. Why is this your problem?

You lost me at a half day child’s birthday party (and would be a full day without covid). That is just bonkers.

And the guests you’re upset about can still attend half of it. So will be there for a couple of hours.

Willing to bet most guests will be planning to attend for a couple of hours max anyway - even the ones with no christening to go to.

Agree that parties are generally 2 hours long, so I would brace yourself for people leaving early especially if it's a first birthday party.

YABU

It's a kids party, not a World Peace summit, so if a kid misses the cake cutting that most kids could not give a shit about anyway it's hardly the end of the world.

If it was an activity party - eg Go Ape, laser tag, pamper party etc - where a child leaving early would either be expensive (paying for a child to do Go Ape and them only doing half the course, for example) inconvenient (having a pamper party and needing to ensure the child isn't mid pedicure when they need to leave) or affect the rest of the attendees (laser tag where it would leave one group a man down) then I might be annoyed at someone double booking their child but otherwise I could not care less when kids leave a birthday party

I think you are getting an unfairly hard time. The issue isn't the clash (it's poor form but not the end of the world) the issue is that for some unclear reason your mate/relative is not able to stay at your child's party and has to bring her DC.

If it wasn't for that DC then your mate/relative could come entirely to your party?

So why can't that happen and sibling of christening child just doesn't come to your DC's party?

Willing to bet most guests will be planning to attend for a couple of hours max anyway - even the ones with no christening to go to.

Yes, I'd bet most people will start leaving after 2 hours. If they're under 3 the kids will need a nap and up to about 7yo maybe will get fed up after a couple of hours.
I think they must be young as the adults all seem to be staying.

Maybe the christening doesn't even exist but the siblings have come up with it ad an excuse to get out of a ridiculously long first birthday party with lots to do that babies generally aren't even aware they are participating in.

OP I'm guessing that party is a day at a theme Park or similar, not just a regular 2hr slot of pass the parcel and some snacks. You've probably forked out a lot of money for it and put effort into planning it all, and on top of that were looking forward to catching up with the relative you're close to. I get you're annoyed on her behalf for her sister now making her rush a bit and not stay to enjoy it all. It's ok that you're a bit annoyed for yourself too.

But even still the consensus is pretty clear - these things happen, christenings are very difficult to arrange these days and she probably had no choice in the matter. You obviously dont like this relative much which is clouding your judgement but honestly let it go.

I'm sure your DC will have a great day and the kids who come briefly will still have fun. Try not to hold a grudge as it's really not worth it

Sorry, I missed the updates

Have got a 13 yr old and 7 yr old. Have been to a range of parties in a variety of venues. Have never come across one that lasts half a day, let alone a whole day. Intrigued where this one is!

@Allsortsofroses

Is the christening stopping other important family members from attending your child’s party?

It's causing a family member I'm close to and her family to not be able to settle and enjoy the full party; and venue which has a lot for kids .... it will be a hit and run for them instead of the fun, relaxing day ot could have been. And the venuee is quite far from them so they're doing quite a drive, bit will not be able to really make use of the place or see it.

I think the while thing is rude, selfish, and inconsiderate.

And she's not making any gesture by sending her child, she wants them out from.underfoot while she sets up her party, that's been implied.

Is the relative upset about it?

the issue is that for some unclear reason your mate/relative is not able to stay at your child's party and has to bring her DC. - it's not unclear at all, this (second) relative is also attending the christening, it is her sibling's child but is still coming to the birthday extravaganza for as much time as she can plus bring this extra child so she doesn't miss out.

Not patently obvious. I’ve never been to kids party over about 2 hours. I’ve no idea what could be a full day. Mine’s older now but racking my brains of parties been to. Soft play and birthday tea in party room. One place used to do themed parties pirate, fairy etc then birthday tea. Local Farm - see animals, tractor ride and tea in party room. Pottery painting. Community centre and buffet. Bouncy castle in garden. Wildlife Man came with small animals followed by a party tea. I thought I’d been to full range.

I'm actually laughing at taking up other people's whole day for a birthday party. I'd be very unimpressed if my kids got that invitation 🙈

So you expect her to turn down a christening time - which is most areas are rare as hens teeth at the moment - to go to a both day party?

And for good measure I will try again with asking how old the children in question are?

Whats shes done is really shit. Not just double booking herself but making it so some of your other guests feel obliged to leave the party you booked first. In my family this would be considered a big no no and I'm well aware of the issue with booking church events but that doesn't mean you get to be rude.

I'm also intrigued by a venue that lasts all day but isn't a drop off.
If it's something expensive like a theme park with a high cost per child just tell them that it doesn't make sense to only come for an hour.
But seven pages in we still haven't worked out the age of the child or whether this is causing them to leave after just half an hour or just to nip away 20 minutes early.
Given that the two are on the same day but one appears to be morning and the other afternoon, I can well see how she didn't imagine a clash.
Personally I've never been to s party over two hours that has required me to stay as well as my child

*Then grab one that's not on the same day as a event that you've already accepted an invite too, and that your relative (also a close mate of the party host) has already accepted an invite to, how's that for an idea.

It's a half day due to covid would be a full day normally.

Desperate to know? Have you never attended or hosted kids parties? I'd have thought it would be patently obvious which party venues could take hours.*

This may come as a surprise to you but......perhaps she didn't have much choice over the dates for the christening and other dates would have meant that key people couldn't attend??

Also, yes, funnily enough since I have a child I have both hosted and attended children's birthday parties. None of which have taken several hours! Anything over 2 hours is taking the piss.