To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

I think it’s more that everyone has started feeling sorry for christening woman since we found out her mil calls her a spoiled little bitch and everyone tried to talk him out of marrying her. OP thought that would make us all understand how awful this woman is but it’s had the opposite effect because it’s just so nasty and really puts everyone else in such a bad light that christening woman’s actions start to make more sense.

I've been told to read the room and rate the majority of posts on this thread; perhaps you should apply the same logic to the majority of family and friends of her spouse.

Are they all truly horrible, or is there there reason for it. What's the likelihood.

And yet you want her to come to your kids party...

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Anyone else think Christening Mum sounds awesome, and that she has the measure of her MIL Big Mo and her flying monkeys?

Big Mo came into my mind as well!

I'm beginning to feel very sorry for Christening mum.

Be careful, you might get burned at the stake along with me wink.

Are you contrary because it makes you happy to be a martyr or is it because you love your toddler tantrums?
The whole thread is ME ME ME , your child's or anyone else's feelings never figured in the equation. Mind you, there's no equation, there's only you. You are also avoiding any questions regarding your child's age which would mean that the child doesn't really care whether the other woman child's is going to be there or not, probably too small to care or there's so many people and activities, they won't even realise someone is missing.

@Allsortsofroses

I think it’s more that everyone has started feeling sorry for christening woman since we found out her mil calls her a spoiled little bitch and everyone tried to talk him out of marrying her. OP thought that would make us all understand how awful this woman is but it’s had the opposite effect because it’s just so nasty and really puts everyone else in such a bad light that christening woman’s actions start to make more sense.

I've been told to read the room and rate the majority of posts on this thread; perhaps you should apply the same logic to the majority of family and friends of her spouse.

Are they all truly horrible, or is there there reason for it. What's the likelihood.

Yeah, she might be awful but a MIL calling her son’s wife a spoiled little bitch is just someone who is absolutely in the wrong, whatever has happened. It’s inexcusable and will wreck any possibility of recovering the relationship. I couldn’t respect anyone who talked about a family member (in law or otherwise) like that. Quoting that awful insult only reflects on the MIL, not the target of her bike. It doesn’t back up your argument by imbuing it with authority, it makes your family sound so vindictive and unpleasant that it is hard not to sympathise with the victim, however much you say she deserves it.

Criticising other people is one thing, letting an ill-advised vent out about someone discreetly to a well chosen confidante is totally human and fine and normal. Having it known throughout a family that x is a spoilt little bitch who her husband should never have married just makes the people broadcasting it sound dreadful.

The world does not revolve around your child's birthday party. You sound ridiculous. SHE WON'T BE THERE FOR THE CAKE CUTTING!!

Seriously, no-one cares.

It's not great that she double-booked, but a Christening definitely outweighs a birthday party. I'd be a tad disappointed, but you sound incredibly dramatic about it. There will be other children there, your DD will have a great time. I guarantee you'll be the only person upset about all this.

@Notonthestairs

And yet you want her to come to your kids party...

While im aware of the opinion of her spouse's family & friends, I personally hadn't had much problems with her until this.

As i said she has good and bad points like everyone.

And it would have been rude not to extend an invite to the party when her sil and family were being invited, and her child is the same age roughly.

Well you've changed your tune very quickly regarding somebody who previously hadn't caused you any problems - and even now is still sending her child for some of the party.

SHE WON'T BE THERE FOR THE CAKE CUTTING!!

She, who?

The two kids will miss out on lots of the main and fun parts of the party, Inc the cake, and my cousin will be running between pillar and post. Ive said this ad nauseum, yet ppl keep making up their own narrative

Weird theories about my tboughts & motivations are being repeated like I said them. It's just going round in circles.

Thanks for your perspectives everyone.

At this point, I really do think it's beneficial for everyone to wrap up the thread.

OP.
I'm so sorry that you've had a hard time on here. Please don't take it to heart.

Your relative was insensitive to not have realised that her child's christening was on the same day. I get the " oh I totally forgot" routine but it's crass.
If the christening date was totally immovable ( doubt it) then your relative should have contacted you immediately, prior to booking.

@Allsortsofroses

I think it’s more that everyone has started feeling sorry for christening woman since we found out her mil calls her a spoiled little bitch and everyone tried to talk him out of marrying her. OP thought that would make us all understand how awful this woman is but it’s had the opposite effect because it’s just so nasty and really puts everyone else in such a bad light that christening woman’s actions start to make more sense.

I've been told to read the room and rate the majority of posts on this thread; perhaps you should apply the same logic to the majority of family and friends of her spouse.

Are they all truly horrible, or is there there reason for it. What's the likelihood.

You seem very intent on us all hating her along with you. I think she’s great. Normal in fact. She clearly gives zero fucks about a kids birthday party.

Your dp also, must be a fucking saint.

Get over it. Every event will clash for someone. It doesn’t matter. It’s a kids party for goodness sake. She’s not making your mate leave early. Your mate is an adult and can choose to get involved or not. Can you not organise a night or or invite your mate over for Sunday lunch? You’ll get no time for a proper catch up at the party anyway

Can I ask, OP, are you a bit threatened by the relationship between these 2 women? Your friend and her sis/SIL? Do you feel a rivalry?

You don't need to answer this question of course, but I think you should ponder it, because your view of this whole thing is skewed and disproportionate.

Sometimes it helps to examine your own motivations.

And it would have been rude not to extend an invite to the party when her sil and family were being invited, and her child is the same age roughly.

That age would be ... ?

And no. No it wouldn't have been. At all. I know who my SIL's SIL is and have talked to her a few times, but I don't need to invite her and her kids to things just because my SIL and her own kid are there.

People have ignored the cake etc because in the scheme of things they don't seem that important.

Your child have enjoy their one day festival. Christening mum will have her child christened.

But you carry on fretting over a woman your whole family dislike.

Your relative has clearly thought that her christening trumped your birthday party, take it or leave it.
That your relative is sending someone else , with their child, to a tiny part of your party is unpleasant as they have said that it's to leave her with time to prepare .

That's using you after she has trumped your party.

I'd be looking to tell her to not bother sending her child for a nominal time.

If her child is the same age and she wants them out from underfoot, these are certainly very young children.
It makes it all the more bizarre.

Your dp also, must be a fucking saint.

I've relayed the opinions on this thread.

I also asked him if I had done what she's done, how he (and he knows her for decades) would respond, and he said "oh she'd be fucking raging".

My impression is he's correct.

Oh and he's no saint.

Your kid’s party just isn’t that important… and it never will be to anyone except very close family/friends. Even then, if someone could only drop in for a bit of it I really wouldn’t be remotely fussed. Before the “cake cutting” sounds like the party is completely OTT - who puts a time on that? And who tf cares if someone isn’t there for the cake?! Come on OP…

If the cousin is leaving early to take the other woman's child to the christening, she surely mustn't be too bothered about staying for all of the party, otherwise she would have refused?
I don't see the issue, to be honest it's maybe a shame for the kids to miss out on cake, but as an adult I couldn't be too upset about being given a reason to leave a kids' party early. Presumably there will be cake at the christening, so the kids won't miss out completely.

Sorry but if I was in her shoes and that was the ONLY date available for my child’s christening I would do the same . She likely did forget, it happens sometimes . Atleats she called and explained and is even bringing her child to the party for a little bit. I’m confused at why you’re upset ?

@Allsortsofroses

Your dp also, must be a fucking saint.

I've relayed the opinions on this thread.

I also asked him if I had done what she's done, how he (and he knows her for decades) would respond, and he said "oh she'd be fucking raging".

My impression is he's correct.

Oh and he's no saint.

So she'd be raging.

You are angry.

The two of you aren't so different after all.

I would be annoyed too op if someone double booked which meant that a few people can't come/half come as a result. But you don't like this woman so your feelings and reaction are heightened. This person is either someone you care too much about or someone you literally hate and I'm afraid I think it's the latter. If this person was just "meh" I don't think you would have given a flying f.

Can I ask, OP, are you a bit threatened by the relationship between these 2 women? Your friend and her sis/SIL? Do you feel a rivalry?

None whatsoever.

Very different types of relationships.

And I'm a more the merrier type anyway.

@Allsortsofroses

Your dp also, must be a fucking saint.

I've relayed the opinions on this thread.

I also asked him if I had done what she's done, how he (and he knows her for decades) would respond, and he said "oh she'd be fucking raging".

My impression is he's correct.

Oh and he's no saint.

God, what a collection of people. I think we're in Jeremy Kyle territory here.