To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

@ClawedButler

I imagine that most people on this thread got the impression that you think she did this to get up your nose by you repeatedly making out that she's done it on purpose. That "you doubt" there was no other christening date. Etc. etc. etc.

So.....the way you tell it, a horrible bitch of a woman who you actually have never said anything bad about except that she's selfish and stupid (sorry "dippy") has done a thing that hurts no-one at all, on purpose (because she knows what's she's doing) but not to get at you, but it's totally unreasonable because between she and another person there is a workable solution but you don't like it, and you don't need to be psychic to impute meaning to her words/actions but people who impute meaning to YOUR words ARE psychic, and basically you have no actual, real-life problems and have to make a colossal drama out of absolutely nothing.

The woman has done NOTHING WRONG.

This

I have read the whole thread. I get that you are upset, but you are just so over reacting. It's clear that you don't like double booker, but I can't help thinking that your dislike of Double booker is really clouding your judgement here.

Yes your child's birthday party is important to you, yes you booked said party first. But a date has been put in for a Christening (and there are many trying to get dates due to the backlog) that clashes with your party. It's just one of those things.

I really could understand if your own party was going to be suffering due to 80% of the guests now attending the Christening. But this is not the case.

You are getting this all out of proportion due to your dislike of double booker.

@Allsortsofroses

there's no way I can handle a kids party for more than a couple of hours anyway,

Wow you're psychic, that's fkg incredible.

Unfortunately like most (all?) psychics, you're talking bollocks. My relatjve/mate has been wanting to visit this venue with her kid for ages, it takes hours to do properly, there are plenty of rest/chill spots, the time limit with covid and the birthday food etc is already making it tight; they're not going to be able to do any justice to their visit, and her chd is going to miss out on the things the kids, from experience, enjoy the most.

.

She's chosen to do that though. She wasn't forced into it by a court summons or anything.

But you hate the other person so you don't want to see that.

Op, why did you bother posting in AIBU when you clearly don't want to hear the answer?

It doesn't matter how much you or your mother-in-law don't like the mother of the baby being christened, you are still being unreasonable thinking your precious child's birthday is more important. It is to you. Not to them.

But you'll never understand that because you won't listen. You are too busy defending your position to hear what everyone is saying.

Maybe one day you'll realise that it's okay for different people to have different priorities. Sure, it's not ideal that people that initially said yes have now declined. But it's hardly the major family drama that you seem to want to make it into.

But some people do love drama.

I don't know what you expect them to do?

If I was arranging a christening, there's no fucking way I would take into account whether I'd said yes to a kid's birthday party or not in setting the date, unless it was a special birthday or someone I was really close to. There would be so many other bigger factors to think about that it would likely be completely and utterly irrelevant.

As it is, she is trying to do her best to accommodate both, so give her a break!

Perhaps she dislikes you as much as you obviously dislike her and it wasn't a mistake?

@over2021

Perhaps she dislikes you as much as you obviously dislike her and it wasn't a mistake?

I didn't dislike her before this.

She has good and bad points like most people. I had a more .. generous opinion of her than any of her spouse's friends.

Anyone else think Christening Mum sounds awesome, and that she has the measure of her MIL Big Mo and her flying monkeys?

Also I have no reason to believe she dislikes me.

She needs the attendees agreement if she wants them to attend. Otherwise she creates situations like this, which are not fair on the attendees.

Again, has your mate said that she is annoyed?

There seems to be an awful lot of talking behind this poor womans back.

@Allsortsofroses

Also I have no reason to believe she dislikes me.

Unless you're the best actress ever, she knows you don't like her.

Also, "I don't dislike her" doesn't wash with the way you talk about her.

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Anyone else think Christening Mum sounds awesome, and that she has the measure of her MIL Big Mo and her flying monkeys?

I'm certainly beginning to feel sorry for her if this is the kind of shite she has to endure. No wonder she does her own thing and doesn't pander to the family she's married into.

@Allsortsofroses

Also I have no reason to believe she dislikes me.

But the drip feed that your partner tried to talk her husband out of marrying her might be a reason she isn’t prioritising your child’s party! I’m kind of amazed she has anything to do with any of you based on the way she’s discussed by apparently all her in-laws.

Also I have no reason to believe she dislikes me.

More fool her.

Blimey everyone - why is the OP getting such a hard time?

If I'd arranged a big birthday party for my child, invited a friend who accepted, who knew that her sister and child had also accepted, who then subsequently booked a christening on the same day which they knew would mean some of my guests could no longer come, I'd be pissed off too.

Even if the christening date was foisted on them, I'd expect a call apologising for the clash and seeing if there were anything to be done to mitigate.

Page 23 and I still don’t understand why one woman you openly hate not coming to party is an issue. Party us going ahead, all your guests are coming bar 1, you don’t post photos on social media so no worries there.

You will probably get guests cancelling nearer time or no show due to illness, covid, clash with school event etc. That’s the nature of organising any party.

@EinsteinaGogo

Blimey everyone - why is the OP getting such a hard time?

If I'd arranged a big birthday party for my child, invited a friend who accepted, who knew that her sister and child had also accepted, who then subsequently booked a christening on the same day which they knew would mean some of my guests could no longer come, I'd be pissed off too.

Even if the christening date was foisted on them, I'd expect a call apologising for the clash and seeing if there were anything to be done to mitigate.

I think it’s more that everyone has started feeling sorry for christening woman since we found out her mil calls her a spoiled little bitch and everyone tried to talk him out of marrying her. OP thought that would make us all understand how awful this woman is but it’s had the opposite effect because it’s just so nasty and really puts everyone else in such a bad light that christening woman’s actions start to make more sense.

You have called her bad-mannered, selfish and flaky, and have said she has been described as a spoilt little bitch. A view you seen to endorse.

Yeah, seems like you think she's ace!

@EinsteinaGogo

Blimey everyone - why is the OP getting such a hard time?

If I'd arranged a big birthday party for my child, invited a friend who accepted, who knew that her sister and child had also accepted, who then subsequently booked a christening on the same day which they knew would mean some of my guests could no longer come, I'd be pissed off too.

Even if the christening date was foisted on them, I'd expect a call apologising for the clash and seeing if there were anything to be done to mitigate.

Christening Mum is mitigating it by making sure her child still attends for as long as she can.

@minou123

Is this a reverse?

I hope to god it isn't, because if it is, the shit will hit the fan.

I'm hoping OP is actually the aggrieved middle-person relative who's angry with herself for agreeing to chauffeur the other relative's kid around, and would really like that situation to be someone's fault other than her own.

Even if the christening date was foisted on them, I'd expect a call apologising for the clash and seeing if there were anything to be done to mitigate

Double booker got in touch to explain and suggested sending her child there for half the session. Which seems to be a full day.

It's possible there was no apology, but op hasn't said that (I don't think. I haven't memorised all her posts)

@EinsteinaGogo

Blimey everyone - why is the OP getting such a hard time?

If I'd arranged a big birthday party for my child, invited a friend who accepted, who knew that her sister and child had also accepted, who then subsequently booked a christening on the same day which they knew would mean some of my guests could no longer come, I'd be pissed off too.

Even if the christening date was foisted on them, I'd expect a call apologising for the clash and seeing if there were anything to be done to mitigate.

Be careful, you might get burned at the stake along with me .

Sorry OP but I haven't seen anyone come across on mumsnet as such a nasty piece of work in a long time. Truly horrid person.

Social situations like this make me so glad I live thousands of miles away from family. I just couldn’t cope with a family member like OP.

Let it go. She’s a witch, you’ve long established that. Just move on. You getting all get up about a kid’s birthday party like this is so much worse than the actual offence you’re complaining of.