To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

@mummyh2016

You need professional help OP.

Ah, you.

Not been banned yet.

Ivr seen you being called out for bullying & nastiness posters all over this forum.

Yet hete you are, unable to resist the opportunity of more in the middle if a pile on.

Perhaps you yourself should get some professional help, dear.

Why do you think you are motivated to act like this on this forum? What do you think would help you?

@bamboothrough she won't because that would probably only stress the fact that it's all about her not liking the other woman and it all comes back to this single point.

@Allsortsofroses

Also the word is fucking - either you're old enough to swear, in which case fucking do it properly, or you aren't, in which case grow the fuck up.

If I don't want to type the full word, I won't.

Who the fk are you to order people how to write on MN.

Are you the curse word specialist administrator? No.

Also don't tell people to "grow the fuck up".

You're just salty cause I called you out on your bullshit.

There's only one person getting salty about being called out on their bullshit on this thread...

Are you taking anything in at all?

Just as a matter of interest, OP; why do you think that she's booked the Christening on the same day as your dc's birthday party?

Just as a matter of interest, OP; why do you think that she's booked the Christening on the same day as your dc's birthday party?

My bet is that she probably knew she couldn't compete with OP's lovely personality.

She's also bad mannered and flaky o accept an invite to anything (which the inviter tried to give a good notice period for).and then book something else on the same day.

Okay, I'm going to use that old MN mantra - it's an invitation, not a summons. Whilst yes, generally if you accept an invitation it is expected that you will do your best to turn up, most people accept that people are busy and it isn't always practical.

If I were never allowed to change my plans, I'd never plan anything or accept invitations to things. She had an invitation to your child's party which she accepted. She was trying to organise a christening and unfortunately the best date for it was the same as your child's party. Is this ideal? No. But it is what sometimes happens when you're trying to organise an event which will have limited possible time slots. You get clashes and you have to make a decision.

I'd have more sympathy with you OP if you were just able to bend a little bit and be polite towards people doing anything other than completely agreeing with you. It gives the impression that you're like this IRL - that you think unless people do exactly as you say and live by your codes, they're fckng rude. As it is, I feel a bit sorry for this woman, married to a man whose own mother calls her a spoiled bitch and whose friends tried to intervene to stop him marrying her. I'd probably be tempted to stick two fingers up and just get on with my life too.

She doesn't need anyone's "agreement" to book her child's christening

She needs the attendees agreement if she wants them to attend. Otherwise she creates situations like this, which are not fair on the attendees.

Also she had now set my reciprocal priority towards anything of hers. And like many households, all the shit is left to me.

the grand scheme of things it means nothing to anyone

Same could be said of anyone's celebrations of anything.

OP, if you want your child to have a nice time on their birthday, and you want to have happy memories of it just stop fixating on the christening right now. Be grateful your friend is trying to do both or - be a good friend and tell her you don't mind (even if you do) and you're happy to catch up with her another time.
Then focus on having the best day you can and vow to never lose the plot again over something so trivial

Is it a 1st birthday party? I notice you haven't mentioned the birthday child being upset if the christening child isn't there and you are inviting family (school aged children tend to have class party's). I don't think birthday child will notice or care who is or isn't there and will give no shits about your cake cutting if they are only little.

She must have rejected your invite quite far in advance too if she's only just booked her christening, ours tended to be booked months on advance so you haven't lost anything them pulling out so far in advance.

I imagine that most people on this thread got the impression that you think she did this to get up your nose by you repeatedly making out that she's done it on purpose. That "you doubt" there was no other christening date. Etc. etc. etc.

So.....the way you tell it, a horrible bitch of a woman who you actually have never said anything bad about except that she's selfish and stupid (sorry "dippy") has done a thing that hurts no-one at all, on purpose (because she knows what's she's doing) but not to get at you, but it's totally unreasonable because between she and another person there is a workable solution but you don't like it, and you don't need to be psychic to impute meaning to her words/actions but people who impute meaning to YOUR words ARE psychic, and basically you have no actual, real-life problems and have to make a colossal drama out of absolutely nothing.

The woman has done NOTHING WRONG.

@Allsortsofroses

She doesn't need anyone's "agreement" to book her child's christening

She needs the attendees agreement if she wants them to attend. Otherwise she creates situations like this, which are not fair on the attendees.

Also she had now set my reciprocal priority towards anything of hers. And like many households, all the shit is left to me.

the grand scheme of things it means nothing to anyone

Same could be said of anyone's celebrations of anything.

Does she have a partner? Is it up to her completely to decide on this? Or are you blaming her as the mother? The situation is perfectly 'fair' - most people (i.e. 99% of the people on this thread) think kids' birthday parties are boring and annoying, and can't understand why you think it's such a big deal.

Same could be said of anyone's celebrations of anything.
A christening isn't just a celebration, it's a sacrament and a ritual. For believers, it's a priority and pragmatically can affect school places.

Tbh with COVID, look how many people have had to pull out of things, schools had to close suddenly, events be cancelled. We've all learned that plans change, life is unpredictable. Be grateful for your child and the capacity to have a party at all and get on with it.

Going by the timescales of accepting invitation and declining it, your invitations went out early didn't they? It must been some party you're planning!!

Is it like one of those children's parties that are on TV that cost £££££ and involve a party planner?

You sound like hard work.

There are far more important things to get upset about.

No, but apparently she is; because when she books a date for a christening, no previous arrangements or other people like her sil's arrangements can interfere with the first date given.

But doesn't her husbands entire family and all his friends hate her as well? In which case why is this SIL bothering with the christening at all more to the point why hasn't the poor woman and her husband cut off the people who tried to interfere with their relationship?

Unless, of course, her SIL wants to go to the christening Of her niece/nephew and this woman isn't as evil as she has been painted here......🤔

I felt sorry for OP at first - yes it was a massive overreaction, but I figured it must sting a bit to have it made so plain that your child doesn't matter all that much to someone else.

But mate, seriously, this reaction is just madness.

If that was the closest date she was offered for her once in a lifetime christening then I see why in spite of your pre booked, comes every year, birthday party, she went ahead with it. How old is your little one have I missed it somewhere? Has your little one said that they will be unhappy that the child will be leaving a little early or are they not even at an aware age?

Total non event. Get over it. Life is too short to make such great mountains out of such very little mole hills.

@stairgates

If that was the closest date she was offered for her once in a lifetime christening then I see why in spite of your pre booked, comes every year, birthday party, she went ahead with it. How old is your little one have I missed it somewhere? Has your little one said that they will be unhappy that the child will be leaving a little early or are they not even at an aware age?

Considering OP won't answer questions about the age, my bet is it's very very young.

You don't like her AT ALL - why on earth is her coming so important? You can meet up with her brother anytime (and if they are willing to miss a bit of the party they are a lot less bothered about the venue than you think).

Total drama llama over reaction.

I've just finished reading the whole thread to make sure I had all the info before I commented but I'm now too exhausted by the unnecessary drama to formulate a decent response.

OP you've done yourself no favours by refusing to give information that is in no way identifying (ages) and your bitchy / passive aggressive tone to your comments hasn't helped you at all. I won't say anything else as your not listening anyway.

I think you need to get a grip.
It's a kids birthday party - not a big deal to anyone except you.

Take a chill pill and let it go

@Allsortsofroses

she's being really nice and making an effort to remedy this innocent mistake by inconveniencing herself by coming to part of the party when she has her own child's christening to prepare for. I'd just tell you "Sorry, I'm not coming because of this mix up" and frankly tell you to bugger off and not having contact with you again if you called me "selfish and dippy" about it like you have about her

For the fifteen thousandth time. She is not coming to the party, she is sending her child to the psrty with her son, my relative/mate, but they'll half to leave at least half way through and she said it suits her so she can set up her christening party without a child around.

She´s still sending her child to the party when they have their own, more important (for their family) event happening that day.

I can´t help but feel that, as you so clearly despise the woman, you might be assuming that she is dropping her child off for her own benefit rather than her having actually said this.

You clearly hate her, so why do you care if she doesn´t go? And the relative of yours who is having to leave halfway through the party is HER relative too! Why on earth shouldn´t she leave halfway through so she can attend both events??

Why do you feel that only your event is important?

A birthday happens every year, but a christening is a one off event.

I find threads like this so tedious...
OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: NO I´M NOT

Is this a reverse?

I hope to god it isn't, because if it is, the shit will hit the fan.

Fantastically typical MN AIBU when most responses say OP is being unreasonable and OP comes back time and time again to justify her opinion.

It's a non issue that you are making an issue. Everyone apart from the double Booker is attending. Your kid will be having a brilliant time. Kids parties are manic and not the time to catch up with long lost Sue or whoever.

Listen to your husband.

@Allsortsofroses

Of course she can skip it

Yeah a Christian can definitely skip her brother and sister in laws christening of their only child, her only niece or nephew ... it wouldn't cause any conflict in their family at all.

Totally appropriate.

Wait, hang on... is the child coming to your child's party the one that's being christened?!