To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

Yes- what is so very special about your kid’s party? Are you going to be like this every time someone doesn’t/ can’t turn up to your kid’s birthday? Because believe me it will happen pretty well every single time.

@Hope478

Can I ask what is so special about your child's birthday party?

Nothing.

She's inconveniencing my mate.

She's also bad mannered and flaky o accept an invite to anything (which the inviter tried to give a good notice period for).and then book something else on the same day.

(And it's not an invite from a random vague acquaintance, we are related by marriage and move in the same circles).

She's inconveniencing my mate.

Well, her sister in this case.

And really, that's her problem to deal with.

@Hope478

Can I ask what is so special about your child's birthday party?

The OP can't reveal such identifying details as "My PFB is turning one and nothing else of note may trump the full day at the Baby Birthday Factory where all of the children will be entertained for an entire day by professional child care experts who have a full day's itinerary that cannot be adjusted for late comers/early leavers, while all of the adults relax with a cocktail in the fully stocked bar while getting a massage so they come out relaxed, rejuvenated and ready to return to the real world"

She's inconveniencing my mate.

This is none of your business. Your mate can deal with her sister.

She's also bad mannered and flaky o accept an invite to anything (which the inviter tried to give a good notice period for).and then book something else on the same day.

Yes. But everyone makes mistakes and this one really isn't a massive deal. It is the kind of thing most people get mildly irritated by. It really isn't not worth getting wound up.

She's inconveniencing my mate.

Everyone who's ever scheduled a family event on the same day as any of their relatives wanted to do anything else is inconveniencing that relative by doing so. That's everyone, and it's hardly a hanging offence. It's an invitation, not a summons, and your mate is free to decline either one. What your mate chooses to do in that situation is up to her, and isn't her sister's fault for "inconveniencing" her.

Still waiting for answers to the following:

1. How old are these children?
2. Why the baby's mother the only one to blame for when the christening is scheduled, while her husband gets off scot-free and you seemingly feel sorry for him?

I don’t know why people start threads on this topic …. It’s a QUESTION - AIBU?

People take time to give you an ANSWER to YOUR question - but you don’t like the answer and just double down and inflate your position.

Don’t ask the Q if you don’t have the emotional intelligence to consider the answers.

Your psychological rigidity is also a reason why I suspect you find yourself in preoccupied negative states and conflict.

Learn to let it go. You and your DC will have a much happier life.

Hang on....is your partner called Joseph? Are you Mary? Have you, in fact, birthed the second messiah?

If so, I can see why you would be astonished that 'that woman' isn't bending over backwards for you.

Otherwise, (and I say this having read each and every post in the thread), the idea that a woman the whole family clearly hates would imagine that she must run all her plans past you is bAtShIt.

It's a first birthday party isn't it...

Just start a thread that says:

“I am raging. My cousin is unreasonable. I will continue to rage and rage.”

She accidentally double booked and did contact the other person (the OP in this thread) to explain her mistake.

I didn’t say she didn’t. I was just explaining what I’d do.

But it sounds like the woman having the christening called OP weeks later, and was hardly kind about it and trying to smooth it over. She said she forgot OPs child birthday. That’s not really the best way to approach it in the interests of good relationships.

And also if she really couldn’t get another date in the near future that suited everyone, I’d have been keen to explain, because I really would have felt bad.

If the woman having the christening was nice, she’d have called as soon as she realised. Not admitted that she forgot...cos that’s a shitty thing to do, it happens, but this is literally saying ‘you’re child is irrelevant’. And then she’d have explained why there was no other date, been a bit apologetic, even if it was all a bit fake. Because in the interests of being friendly with overlapping relatives and friends, it’s just easier and the right thing to do.

They clearly haven't, I've had to restate and correct things over and over ad nauseum.

...and yet you won't tell people how old the birthday child is going to be.

@Allsortsofroses - any chance you don't realise you're investing too much effort into something that's probably of very little importance to anyone else, only because you don't like that particular person.
I don't think you ever mentioned how old your child is. Usually, if there's enough children participating and the child is young and it's not their bestie, they genuinely won't care that the other child left early.
She didn't inconvenience your mate - your mate volunteered to be inconvenienced. Maybe, because she simply doesn't mind, maybe because she thinks that a christening would be better than a pack of screaming little future humans who run around creating havoc.
Meet her another day and enjoy the day of your child's birthday party without acting like a bitter bitch because sorry, this is how you come across in your posts.

Yabu it's a total non-issue.

She's inconveniencing my mate.

Except she isn't as presumably the conversation went

Christening Mum: The only date for the christening is OPs PFBs Birthday so we aren't going to be able to go to the party as I need to set up for the christening.

Her Sister: Don't worry I'm taking my kids to the party so I'll pick yours up and take them with me.

CM: But the party is 9-5 and the christening is at 3pm

Sister: Dont worry, the christening actually gives me a good excuse to leave a bit early - there's no way I can handle a kids party for more than a couple of hours anyway, so this is the best of both worlds. When do you want me to pick DC up?

Hang on....is your partner called Joseph? Are you Mary? Have you, in fact, birthed the second messiah?

No, but apparently she is; because when she books a date for a christening, no previous arrangements or other people like her sil's arrangements can interfere with the first date given.

Before I get accused by OP as others have of not reading the whole thread, I have.
My take is it sucks you’ve had something planned and she’s taken the shine off it for you. But it is what it is - there’s no point getting really mad about it.
They have obviously decided that the christening of their child is more important that the party of yours. It may be that they looked for alternative dates but there was nothing that suited. Or they might just not give a crap.
Inconveniencing your friend / family member seems to really annoy you. But that’s their battle to fight. If they don’t want to look bring an extra child then they could say that, if they don’t want to leave early then again they could say that.

There’s no point letting it take over what should be a happy day for your family. Just accept it and make the day the best it can be.
Also you’ve been asked loads of times how old your child is but not answered. Not really on when you have a go at others for not reading the OP : subsequent posts correctly

3.5 months is a long time to wait for a christening - that’s just a guess it may have been longer. Like I said earlier they may need them done by a certain age for school admissions or to fit in family gown or simply because they believe and would like child baptised.
I can understand you being miffed if 90% of your guests were now giving back word but they only person not coming is the woman you hate so that’s a bonus isn’t it?

Just enjoy your party op. None of the christening should impact that.

She's inconveniencing my mate.

Has your mate actually told you this or are you assuming?

there's no way I can handle a kids party for more than a couple of hours anyway,

Wow you're psychic, that's fkg incredible.

Unfortunately like most (all?) psychics, you're talking bollocks. My relatjve/mate has been wanting to visit this venue with her kid for ages, it takes hours to do properly, there are plenty of rest/chill spots, the time limit with covid and the birthday food etc is already making it tight; they're not going to be able to do any justice to their visit, and her chd is going to miss out on the things the kids, from experience, enjoy the most.

.

Get your mate to come extra early so that you can hang out one to one before all the other guests turn up?

No, but apparently she is; because when she books a date for a christening, no previous arrangements or other people like her sil's arrangements can interfere with the first date given.

If she'd rather have the christening ASAP than work around her SIL's conflicting plans, that's entirely her prerogative. (Though for the third time: Why is this more her fault than her husband's, who is presumably the one related to SIL?) If SIL chose to attend your party instead of the christening, that would also be her prerogative. None of it is anything to do with you.

Is it an escape room?

But that’s their battle to fight.

Not the type.

And double booker knows it, that's partly why she's doing it.