To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

They stahed an intervention when when got engaged to her, but he prjcedded with the marriage, against both his Mum and his mates advice

How dare he!

What a total faff. Annoying extra stuff to worry about (I remember how stressful kids parties were!).

Maybe swig a bit of gin and remember they'll have a blast - it's you who gets to suffer for their fun (drink more gin).

A christening can happen anytime, a birthday is fixed.

Christenings aren't actually that easy to arrange. You have to fit in with when the church, priest and godparents are available. And with all the covid delays to christenings and weddings there may not be much church availability. I know in my church there is no more space for christenings / weddings at weekends until at least March.

If you are getting this worked up about people dropping out of your kids' parties, you've got a lonnnnnng road of parenting ahead of you

And it's going to BLOW YOUR MIND when you find out about the ones that don't RSVP or turn up with extra kids

I think that:

1. mix ups happen when you're a normal, busy mum, so she probably didn't realise when she booked the event/RSVP'd to the party that there was a mix up. Not a big deal
2. her own child's christening is OBVIOUSLY much more important than your child's party
3. she's being really nice and making an effort to remedy this innocent mistake by inconveniencing herself by coming to part of the party when she has her own child's christening to prepare for. I'd just tell you "Sorry, I'm not coming because of this mix up" and frankly tell you to bugger off and not having contact with you again if you called me "selfish and dippy" about it like you have about her
4. she's not MAKING your relative do anything. Your relative is choosing to attend both events. You're being very selfish by expecting her to miss the christening altogether to stay at a child's birthday party when she could easily attend both, and children's birthday parties are very boring for adults.

just marking my spot for the age-reveal

she's being really nice and making an effort to remedy this innocent mistake by inconveniencing herself by coming to part of the party when she has her own child's christening to prepare for. I'd just tell you "Sorry, I'm not coming because of this mix up" and frankly tell you to bugger off and not having contact with you again if you called me "selfish and dippy" about it like you have about her

For the fifteen thousandth time. She is not coming to the party, she is sending her child to the psrty with her son, my relative/mate, but they'll half to leave at least half way through and she said it suits her so she can set up her christening party without a child around.

A christening can happen anytime, a birthday is fixed.

This.

I know in my church there is no more space for christenings / weddings at weekends until at least March.

That’s only 3.5 months away. If my choices were to book an event with no time limit attached to it (like a christening) on the same day as another event I’d accepted, where the guest list would overlap, or wait 3.5 months, I’d wait.

But if there was no choice I’d have contacted the other person with the event the same day to explain.

I don't understand why people bother posting on threads if they can't read the op and relevant subsequent posts. This was in the op I think, not even necessary to read relevant subsequent posts.

• autocorrect changed sil to son.

I can't really see the issue. These things happen. So what if she's not there to see the cake cutting! It's a child's b day party and not a wedding!

And I think people are enjoying being quite nasty to the OP now. You can say you think she’s being unreasonable without the nasty and sarcastic comments that you hope others quote and laugh along with to be one of the cool girls. 🙄

Is your child going to mind the absence of her child?
I get your point but it could have been simply grabbing whatever there was in free slots for christenings so she took it - her child comes first.
She's arranging for her child to come over to the party but why does it make you so upset that it's only going to be for a limited time? TBH, a birthday party is a crazy thing and two hours are more than enough (including cutting the cake). If you planned too many activities, you will end up with bunch of kids all over the place.
And your other relative chose to do both, why not? This is a kids party anyway, I don't think you're going to have much time to sit down and enjoy a good discussion together, it's more like trying to herd fleas while keeping them watered and fed.
It looks like it's more of a grudge against the particular relative and you are too invested in it. I can't see why you think the comment about the christening party and her being able to set it up without her child running around is inappropriate. I've heard those comments when parents dropped their kids at my DD's parties and we had similar comments too when coming to other kids' parties. It's an amazing opportunity to leave your child in the care of someone else to run around like a squirrel on speed, get entertained, get fed, get hydrated and then come home all tired.

@TastesLikeFeet

A christening can happen anytime, a birthday is fixed.

This.

I know in my church there is no more space for christenings / weddings at weekends until at least March.

That’s only 3.5 months away. If my choices were to book an event with no time limit attached to it (like a christening) on the same day as another event I’d accepted, where the guest list would overlap, or wait 3.5 months, I’d wait.

But if there was no choice I’d have contacted the other person with the event the same day to explain.

Thank you for this.

It's not just the fucking off an invite you already accepted (and i tried to hit the sweet spot between too long and too close in terms of notice for people, which is very hard to estimate); but it's the effect on other people like my relative/mate ... who is the sort of person who would feel rude and horrible pulling out of the party, and whose child has been looking forward to it for weeks.

(And who can't not attend the christening nor would I ever dream of expecting her to).

I can't see why you think the comment about the christening party and her being able to set it up without her child running around is inappropriate

I don't think it'd inappropriate.

I was juat responding to people who said she was trying to be super accommodating and nice; not really, it suits her.

People have read your posts.

The majority still think your unreasonable and becoming more so with every subsequent post.

It’s a birthday ffs not a royal wedding!

Iv read all posts in the thread .
Understood them all.

And i think youre fucking nuts.

If i was on the phone to a church trying to book my kids christening, and the vicar offered a date in a few weeks time that i realised clashed with your kids birthday .. I would just book the christaning . Of course I would ..
Because, my kids christening > your kids birthday party

Why dont you get that ?

I think I'm truth you are probably both right and unreasonable at the same time. Perfectly possible to be both.

It's entirely plausible that she is unreasonable and self involved and is putting her dsis in a tough position. It's entirely possible to be a toxic person to another person in the wrong. Fair enough she is being entitled and selfish to her sister. It sounds like it's very likely she is using the party as childcare and pressuring her sister to leave.

You however rave placed way too much emphasis on a child's birthday party. It would be a cold day in hell before I or my DC spent all day at a birthday party like that and it sounds remarkably like you think it's far more interesting than they ever are. Most parents take their DC on activity or farm days out because they enjoy it and that makes us happy but I have never met anyone who actively enjoys this stuff.

Childrens Birthday parties for adults are never fun, they are not as important as you think they are to adults. We generally do them to make the kids happy but to operate a character assassination on the grounds of the effect kn your party doesn't paint you in a great light either. Not to mention your ridiculous hero worship of the MIL. I mean good god , it really doesn't strike you as unreasonable that you are wittering to all and sundry about this and you can't see you making yourself look foolish.

I am absolutely sure that 80% of the people you and MIL have wittered to are agreeing because they think you are being ridiculous. So they are smiling, nodding and agreeing so that you stop going on.

Yep it sounds like she is being entitled and a pain in the backside and you are being over the top, dramatic and foolish. There we go, a whole load of ridiculous.

On the bright side reading this just killed some time for me waiting for DP to finish his haircut.

but it's the effect on other people like my relative/mate ... who is the sort of person who would feel rude and horrible pulling out of the party, and whose child has been looking forward to it for weeks.

Sometimes things conflict. If she'd rather go to the party than the christening, she's free to do that. If she'd rather go to the christening than the party, she's free to do that, too. If she wants to excessively agonise over it (rather like you're doing, OP), that's on her, and isn't her sister's fault. You've said you don't blame her, so I don't see the issue here.

Still waiting for an answer as to why the baby's mother is 100% to blame for when the christening is scheduled, while its father is somehow a victim here.

Considering the disdainful OP, the nasty MIL and the we-know-better friends, I'd guess they'll be NC before long and you won't have this inconvenience again.

Kids' birthday parties are no big deal OP.

Christenings are much more important.

It's a pity the day won't be exactly as you want but, in time, you'll find they rarely are, and you do the best you can with the circumstances you find yourself in.

YABU.

Can I ask what is so special about your child's birthday party?

But if there was no choice I’d have contacted the other person with the event the same day to explain.

She accidentally double booked and did contact the other person (the OP in this thread) to explain her mistake.

@Sirzy

People have read your posts.

The majority still think your unreasonable and becoming more so with every subsequent post.

It’s a birthday ffs not a royal wedding!

They clearly haven't, I've had to restate and correct things over and over ad nauseum.

And i haven't even bothered with most of them.

@Allsortsofroses

Is the christening stopping other important family members from attending your child’s party?

It's causing a family member I'm close to and her family to not be able to settle and enjoy the full party; and venue which has a lot for kids .... it will be a hit and run for them instead of the fun, relaxing day ot could have been. And the venuee is quite far from them so they're doing quite a drive, bit will not be able to really make use of the place or see it.

I think the while thing is rude, selfish, and inconsiderate.

And she's not making any gesture by sending her child, she wants them out from.underfoot while she sets up her party, that's been implied.

You could suggest that it isn't appropriate that the child come and leave half-way through - i.e. rescind their invitation. Then your other family member won't need to leave as early to get that child to their christening (though still may want to leave a little early, in order to attend as a guest)