To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

This thread is just as much fun as the JD-mixer drinking-game effort!

Kids don’t get to decide though. If their parents are at christening they go there (it’s the childrens’ cousin I think?). If it doesn’t suit you to have them come and leave early due to wasted cost, logistics, disruption (and you sound fed up she’s using you as childcare whilst she gets christening sorted) just say no don’t come it won’t work.
Best solution so kids don’t miss out is to do what friend suggesting. It’s your friend running around. It’s not putting you out at all eg christening mum isn’t expecting you to do anything extra.

@CannaeRemember

This thread is just as much fun as the JD-mixer drinking-game effort!

Maybe the OP's the shot drinker and the relative/mate/christening-Haver was the drink-bringer and that's why there's so much animosity

Is the OP suggesting that this relative had a choice of christening dates and went “oooh, that one will spoil the OP’s child’s birthday party, so I’m going to pick that one”

I don’t see what other offence could have been committed here to warrant an AIBU?

Why did you post? You just want to argue with everyone.

It’s just a child’s birthday so what if someone leaves half way through. Yeah it’s a pity but who cares? I almost cancelled my child’s party because it was looking like the only date my nephew could have his baptism was on the same day as dates are so so hard to get. They managed to pull another date out of the sky but it was very hard for them.

I think you’re being a bit precious, but you
Only want to hear from those agreeing with you.

What age is your dc?

OP. Tell us about your wedding day.

It's definitely me, her mother in law, all her spouse's mates etc who are all the problem. What a weird coincidence.

Tbh, it does sound like you are. Throwing a strop because she accidentally booked her child's baptism on the same day as your child's birthday is completely unreasonable. The fact that you seem sure the DH's mates and mum are likely to agree with you doesn't mean you are right, it means you are all unreasonable. Probably coloured by the fact that you don't like the woman, for whatever reason.

Also, who the fuck holds an intervention to try to stop their friend getting married?! That's just plain weird.

I'm not sure if this has been said already - because I've only read the OP's posts but it is only a fcking kids party,* get over yourself.
No one gets to have a catch upi with kids around because you are constantly interrupted and a lot of conversations that are important might not be suitable with little people potentially over hearing.

If you want a catch up with your friend - arrange one but don't pretend a kids party is where you are going to be able to catch up.

As for the Christening, it may have been this date or one in three months time. Did you really expect her to postpone her child's christening because of a kids party?

Look, if she's that much of a nightmare then you fucked the thread up really, by dripfeeding that far too late.

If you'd said 'my SIL has been a nightmare for as long as we've known her, she's done X, Y, and Z, and now I feel like she's deliberately caused a clash of dates' you'd have got different responses.

But you didn't so it just seems like you disproportionately hate her.

@BobLemon

Is the OP suggesting that this relative had a choice of christening dates and went “oooh, that one will spoil the OP’s child’s birthday party, so I’m going to pick that one”

I don’t see what other offence could have been committed here to warrant an AIBU?

Yes I believe this is what the OP is suggesting.

That this woman purposely sabotaged the birthday bonanza event to christen her child. Because she is 'that sort of person' I believe spoilt bitch was used at one point and everybody hates the woman.

Or maybe she doesn't give a shiny shit about a first birthday party, held entirely for showing off purposes it seems as OP is very very bothered about what adults are not there.

Because all the children who were invited are still actually going. 2 of them for a shorter amount of time. But being 1 or 2 years old, I'm pretty sure they won''t give a shiny shit about leaving early either.

It's a birthday party not a summons and people make mistakes with dates ( probably excited to get a sooner date for a Christening) because a birthday party to any other than child/child's parents really isn't that important. Christenings happen once, birthday partied happen every year.
OP really everyone has said you are unreasonable you really are making yourself look really bitchy with labouring a tribal point and being vile about this woman.

I’d be miffed if this happened to me too OP, but I would be tempted to dis-invite the child as their space is wasted if they can’t stay for all of it (assuming the venue is pay per child).

I do get the christening was probably limited in potential dates but what it says to you, loudly and clearly, is that keeping that date free for your child’s birthday is of low importance to her. You would only book that date if you weren’t that bothered about the birthday party already planned.

I would also be miffed at not being invited to the christening, if you’re close enough that your DC attend each other’s birthday parties, surely you’d be a guest at the christening too?

Honestly OP, I get you're annoyed but I think YABU.

Your child is your priority and her child is her priority. It may have been the only date they could do and even if it wasn't, so what?

I know you haven't seen your friend in yonks but it's a child's birthday party, you're hardly going to be able to stand around and natter anyway.

If she'd have booked the baptism before you booked the venue - would you have changed the date?

The child is going to both the party and the christening, so is your friend. I really don't see the big deal at all.

OP, you asked if you are BU to object to this "bitch" (as your charming MIL calls her) booking a Christening on the same day as your child's birthday party.

The answer is: yes you are BU.

Your follow-up posts are also dripping with impatience, entitlement and venom, along with being unreasonable.

Like PP, I had assumed you were going to say that half the guests had cancelled on you as a result, which would have been crap. But it barely affects your party at all (I'd love to know what it is, if it takes so long and is so important).

If I were you, I would relax a bit and just try to enjoy your child's birthday. When you think of some of all the real problems that people have, this isn't even a speck of dust.

alphabetaerobics
😂
Op says partner so I don’t think she’s married (he sounds sensible saying forget about it)
I wonder if that’s where resentment is coming from. ‘That woman’ is top trumping her first with a wedding they tried to stop, now with christening.
If you hate ‘that woman’ as is clear Op I’m bemused as to why you’d invite her and her child to party unless she’s a relative and no choice.
Op clearly thinks woman has deliberately clashed dates.

For the second time in two days a mn thread has made me check when the full moon is because I feel I’ve stepped into alternate universe. Also because although yesterday I confirmed the date I’ve now had to double check.
Op I do honestly hope you move on from this issue and enjoy the party and minimise all contact with the side of the family which is triggering such unhappiness for you. Honestly life is too short and way too precious.

@AlphabetAerobics

OP. Tell us about your wedding day.

@Allsortsofroses

Why don't you just call up her MIL to have a good old bitching session. You'll feel better and get the reaction you're looking for.

No need, all her spouse's mates' have such a low opinion of her that I wouldn't need to call up a relative who lives a couple of hours away. They stahed an intervention when when got engaged to her, but he prjcedded with the marriage, against both his Mum and his mates advice

It's definitely me, her mother in law, all her spouse's mates etc who are all the problem. What a weird coincidence.

I'm not getting drawn back in again, thanks for all the perspectives (except for the posters on mn who who purposefully provocative and offensive on pretty much every thread, your usernames are not surprising, seen it all before to other posters).

It's definitely you that's the problem here. Whether he should have married her in the first place has nothing to do with whether she should postpone her child's christening to accommodate your child's birthday party. Though I do have to wonder where her husband is in all this. Presumably he has some say in when his child is christened, but oddly, you don't seem to view him as at all at fault.

I'd suggest he went ahead with the wedding because he didn't want to end up with anyone anything like the women he's related to.

@AlphabetAerobics

OP. Tell us about your wedding day.

PMSL

You people are too nice. I'd be very miffed. A christening can happen anytime, a birthday is fixed. I don't believe she forgot - she just decided to please herself. Selfish.

You say she's been put in an awkward position by 'this woman' but if you're anything like this in real life, she's only coming to the party at all because this is how you react to things. Just maybe, she isn't that desperate to come and is absolutely happy to miss half the party to then go to the christening because she understands that kids birthday parties are not a big deal.

‘The kid’ ‘this woman’

You don’t even sound like you wanted them there in the first place?! Why did you even invite them?!

Does anyone else get the impression that "this woman" just sorts out her own stuff that is important to her and lets the rest wash over her?

Because I'm getting a bit of a sense of "her not knowing her place" from the OP's post.