To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

I kept re-reading your posts to see if I'd missed something.

It's a birthday party! Of course a Christening is more important. I wouldn't think twice about any aspect of this.

All I'd suggest doing is collecting the sibling & dropping her back so that it didn't need the other family member to change her plans, if that was possible.

YABIncrediblyU

Not really a big issue!! Maybe, like she said, this date was the only one available.

OP why don't you focus on your child and the rest of the guests making sure they have a lovely day instead of letting the bitterness take over and turn you ugly.

Wow OP. No other way to say this but you seem to have gone bonkers over a birthday party. I’m really sorry it’s bothered you this much, but a christening would take priority over a birthday party. Annoying but it is what it is. Just let it go and make sure you enjoy the party. It really is a non issue.

Why don't you just call up her MIL to have a good old bitching session. You'll feel better and get the reaction you're looking for.

Give that you won't share your child's age, it's reasonable to assume that they are an age which will not help your argument. Turning one, two?

I'm impressed that she is still sending the other child to the party

She has said it's suits her to get her child out from underfoot while she preps party food, decorates for the party, dresses for the christening etc.

I've already said this.

@Flowerpower23

Is she forcing her at gunpoint? If not, your friend has agreed to this and may just be closer to the friends who is having a christening.

The friend is the sister of the mother of the baby being baptised.

I think that she is making a great effort to try to keep two people happy and at the end of the day the friend and the kids will just be exhausted and miserable.

The OP should recognize the hierarchy of sister vs friend and Baptism vs birthday party, wind her neck in, behave with dignity and focus her emotional energy positively on her own child’s birthday rather than spewing long help family bitterness.

A good friend would give her friend her blessing to attend just the Baptism and reschedule something else to catch up.

Covid has thrown all church bookings up in the air from weddings, funerals and baptisms etc - take a chill pill OP. Prioritise enjoying your own DC and don’t let this derail you. Rise above it.

I think maybe I get it. Said relative is notoriously flakey / inconsiderate and this is the final straw. Hence your (somewhat disproportionate) response

Even if I spent all day rummaging in my bag of fucks I still don't think I'd find one to give about this situation.

Why don't you just call up her MIL to have a good old bitching session. You'll feel better and get the reaction you're looking for.

No need, all her spouse's mates' have such a low opinion of her that I wouldn't need to call up a relative who lives a couple of hours away. They stahed an intervention when when got engaged to her, but he prjcedded with the marriage, against both his Mum and his mates advice

It's definitely me, her mother in law, all her spouse's mates etc who are all the problem. What a weird coincidence.

I'm not getting drawn back in again, thanks for all the perspectives (except for the posters on mn who who purposefully provocative and offensive on pretty much every thread, your usernames are not surprising, seen it all before to other posters).

@Allsortsofroses

I'm impressed that she is still sending the other child to the party

She has said it's suits her to get her child out from underfoot while she preps party food, decorates for the party, dresses for the christening etc.

I've already said this.

Perhaps that's why her sister agreed to take her other child to the party. I still don't understand why that's a problem.

You could cut cake and sing at beginning if you’d like your friend to be there for that.

@Allsortsofroses

I'm impressed that she is still sending the other child to the party

She has said it's suits her to get her child out from underfoot while she preps party food, decorates for the party, dresses for the christening etc.

I've already said this.

I can tell that you just think that's dreadful but I personally think it's fine. She has at least two kids, one apparently an infant and would like a couple of hours without the, let's say two year old, so that she can get on with some stuff without the inevitable 'help'.

That all sounds perfectly fine to me, her sister is bringing her kid to their cousin's party so she has a couple of hours to herself. Can't see anything wrong with that at all.

Anyway, OP, all I wanted to say is that you're making too big a deal of everything here. You don't like this woman, fine, you think she's a spoilt bitch (although someone else said it and you're just quoting it because if the person who said it said it it's clearly right but not coming from you). OK. You're letting all this overshadow the only bit of organising a kid's party that's going to be any kind of fun for you at all - imagining it will be lovely and relaxing and enjoyable for everyone.

The OP should recognize the hierarchy of sister vs friend and Baptism vs birthday party, wind her neck in

The kids want to.come to the birthday party, because they are ..... kids.

@Wagglerock

I think it's a pity those kids, and my relative/mate, can't enjoy the full facilities of the venue because they'll be too rushed.

Yes, I'd be absolutely gutted not to enjoy a mediocre lukewarm overpriced cappuccino whilst my kid fails to avoid the piss puddle in the ball pit. Gutted.

Here, have a grip.

Honestly, OP, this is an insane overreaction. What is it exactly that is bothering you so much? People double-book themselves all the time, and I get that it's mildly annoying, but surely it's not worth this level of ire? If you are that bothered by the mutual friend/relative's absence from half of the party, make a date to see her another time when you're not also trying to keep an eye on a birthday party, and it's not your issue if the child misses out on some of the event...?

You're being ridiculous! At the most this is mildly annoying. I feel sorry for this poor woman. Her husband's family sound horrible.

Ahh a classic mumsnet thread..

Op- AIBU
everyone- yeh kinda
OP- no i’m not

Its annoying OP but honestly you have many birthdays (and disappointments) ahead of you, I wouldn’t let it get to you, your child’s birthday really isn’t important to anyone other than close relatives and it seems your making it seem like its more of a social gathering for you than actually celebrating your child.

If seeing your friend is that important than get a time in the diary to go see her.

OP, I think you're right, inasmuch as this is how you feel, and them's your feelings.

However, given the vast majority of posters here disagree, then perhaps the only middle ground is to accept that most people do not share your sense of importance about the day. We won't change your mind, and conversely you won't change ours. Rather seek out real-life affirmation.

@Allsortsofroses

The OP should recognize the hierarchy of sister vs friend and Baptism vs birthday party, wind her neck in

The kids want to.come to the birthday party, because they are ..... kids.

For the umpteenth time, OP, how old are these kids? I don't doubt that they'd rather go to a birthday party than a christening, but ... so what? That doesn't mean no one should ever christen their baby because the baby's older sibling would rather spend that time doing something else.

The kids want to.come to the birthday party, because they are ..... kids

Remind us how old these ....kids are?

Zero issue. You're being v unreasonable

YABU

(except for the posters on mn who who purposefully provocative and offensive on pretty much every thread, your usernames are not surprising, seen it all before to other posters).

And yet you've changed your username to post this thread? So for all anyone knows, you could be exactly the same as those who you're criticising?

OP,

"No need, all her spouse's mates' have such a low opinion of her that I wouldn't need to call up a relative who lives a couple of hours away. They stahed an intervention when when got engaged to her, but he prjcedded with the marriage, against both his Mum and his mates advice

It's definitely me, her mother in law, all her spouse's mates etc who are all the problem. What a weird coincidence."

All of that just makes you look less and less reasonable. It is beginning to look very personal and unpleasant.

It's a kids party. You will survive. There will be other parties.

She has said it's suits her to get her child out from underfoot while she preps party food, decorates for the party, dresses for the christening etc.

So definitely a very young childs birthday then if they can be underfoot.

And why is it a problem if she sends the child with another relative? The child was invited, was she not? And the party is for children, is it not?

She isn't using your party for childcare OP, she is coming up with a way for the child to still attend most of it, but it happens to also benefit her as shes planning for the christening.

Just uninvite the child then. problem solved. You clearly detest his/her mother anyway.

I don't understand why its so important for them to attend! Is it about showing off or is it that your child will be distraught if they are not there at their birthday event?