To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

I think YABU.

It doesn't sound deliberate, more like an availability of dates problem. Those things can't be helped.

The invited children will still attend your DC party, they'll just leave early. This might not be ideal for those children, but it's their mothers' problem, not yours.

I can see that you are disappointed that you won't be spending time with your friends the way you'd hoped, but that's life. You'll see them another day.

Just concentrate on making the day good for the children, especially birthday DC. That's what it's for. There'll be many other parties.

2ndtimemum2

Is there really any need for that.

OP is just disappointed that someone important to her now can’t be at an event that is important to her for her child. It maybe couldn’t be helped due to available dates, who knows. But being disappointed and a bit annoyed is normal when something comes up which changes how you thought things would be. No need to be horrible.

PurpleOkapi

My initial thought was she booked it the same day as she could then get rid of her child and rope other people in to do her bidding

I really can’t understand posters who can’t see this

Probably because it's not at all difficult to believe that there were no other christening dates available

Or that it is too much of a coincidence that it is on the very day of a party she has been invited to.

Absolutely not.
I feel sorry for her being put in the position of having to bail on a long accepted invite to her mate/relatives child's party (and have her child miss out) ... or try to half ass it, leave early, rush around etc.

Has your relative/bestest mate actually said that they're annoyed or are you getting all upset on her behalf even though she might be fine with it?

@TastesLikeFeet

2ndtimemum2

Is there really any need for that.

OP is just disappointed that someone important to her now can’t be at an event that is important to her for her child. It maybe couldn’t be helped due to available dates, who knows. But being disappointed and a bit annoyed is normal when something comes up which changes how you thought things would be. No need to be horrible.

There's being annoyed and thats acceptable but when she then starts calling her cousin"that woman" and saying that alot of her family dislike her well that's just pure nasty and then mentioning that her mil says nasty things about her and she listens to it...and then op invites her and her child to her dc party knowing op was involved in a conversation where she was badmouthed!!! That's a two faced individual

Is she forcing her at gunpoint? If not, your friend has agreed to this and may just be closer to the friends who is having a christening.

tbh i woukd be slightly frustrated but not that much, your over reacting abit

Yes YABU.

I really need to know what the party is though. I've been doing children's birthdays for a long time, everything about this thread suggests very young (probably first birthday) but I have never, ever known of a (half-)day-long super-organised party at a venue with facilities which are fun and relaxing. Honestly can't begin to guess and am so curious!

Eh??!

Am I missing the issue?!?

Is this your first child?

How dare 'this woman' not realise that the world must come to a standstill because you booked a venue for your child's birthday party about a month and a half beforehand.

'This woman' obviously does not realise that you and your child are the centre of the universe. The absolute cheek of 'this woman' is all I can say.

Is this your first children's birthday party? So many people have asked you how old your DC will be?

Yes your mate was thoughtless or maybe she just didn't have many options for her christening so went for that date

Honestly, I really don't see what the issue is. This is not your problem, it is up to your friend whether she decides to attend the party first and then go to the Christening with the 2 children.

Why not invite another 2 children to your party if you think numbers will look thin?

@girlmom21

I bet the venues got a bar... to make it so 'relaxing and fun' for the adults. It's not going to be for the kids at all, is it?

I'm also wondering about this.

I reckon you're more upset than any of the children. Which leads me to my next point that your reaction is not actually about the kids missing out but it's actually about you and your ego. It's not a big deal.

She can't not attend her siblings child's christening

Yes she can. "Sorry, won't be able to make that, we have a prior engagement".

Are they going to bundle her into a car and force her to go?

Whoever this is, they are choosing to go to the christening.

Get over yourself.

..to not be able to settle and enjoy the full party; and venue which has a lot for kids .... it will be a hit and run for them instead of the fun, relaxing day ot could have been

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's really not how kids parties work.

I'd have probably also absentmindedly forgotten about a birthday party I'd replied yes to if it was almost 2 months since the invite was sent out.

How many more weeks until the event?

@StressyMcStressFace

OP: AIBU? The whole of mumsnet: Yes! OP: No I'm not!

Yeah, it is one of those threads. OP is 100% certain she is not BU, so I can't understand why she even asked.

YABVU

You're being quite precious about the entire thing.
Are you truly that miserable and bored?

Maybe everyone will be lucky enough not to be invited next year.
I couldn't imagine spending 5 minutes in a room with such a sour fun sponge.

@Allsortsofroses

The kid is still coming for as much of the party as they can.

She's making my relative, who's also my mate who I haven't seen in yonks for various reasons (nor her daughter) leave half way through an event to attend her event, (which she booked on the same day after accepting invite to mine).

She's not "making" anyone leave. If your mate chooses to leave to attend the Christening that's her decision.

Yes I pressed post too soon.
Why bother asking the question OP if you are convinced YANBU

Do you know what OP, on the day your child will not even register that they have left unless someone makes a big deal of them leaving.

You will also be busy running the party to spend much time with your friend anyway.

You are getting yourself worked up unnecessarily over a non-issue. The only person suffering is you. I think it might register as a mild annoyance, but nothing worth all this angst. I suspect its the case that this woman is generally selfish and you're tired of her getting her own way. But its not worth raising your blood pressure for. Invite your friend for a coffee where you can actually get chance for a proper catch-up.

Most people would prefer to attend a Christening (a religious sacrament) over a children's party (as much as we like to convince ourselves otherwise, they are utterly dull to adult attendees and most people just can't wait for it to end).

Honestly, I'd just try to enjoy your child's day.

I think a baptism (one off event) very much trumps a birthday party. I'm impressed that she is still sending the other child to the party. It really isn't a big deal that they won't be around for the cake cutting.

I was thinking Instagram style 1st birthday in hotel with bar, cake cutting etc. But op says day out type venue with rides and kids taken off for activities and a grand finale but it’s also fun and relaxing for adults?

Reply

Sorry as you can't make the whole day we've now invited someone else hope you have a good christening catch up soon

The end

OP I get your upset and YANBU if thats how you feel.
I know its hard but honestly no one else cares about your childs birthday (I know that sounds harsh). People won't think twice about missing it for something more important.
I know its annoying but its 2 adults and 2 kids. Invite other people instead?

YABVU.
Also, if your child is young, with the way you are thinking, you are in for a lot of upset and aggro over the next couple of decades!