To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

It’s just a birthday party, the fact that they’ve even said they will still come is more than enough. Get over it.

"Why are you avoiding saying how old your child is?" - for the same reason we aren't being told what the venue is - apart from relaxing and with "full facilities", I expect!

Maybe it's a Spa?! I could get on board with kid's parties if they were held at Spas....

@Allsortsofroses

But it's not a clash of dates.

She accepted an invitation and then booked this weeks later

A christening is more important than a birthday party.

@AndSoFinally

"Why are you avoiding saying how old your child is?" - for the same reason we aren't being told what the venue is - apart from relaxing and with "full facilities", I expect!

Maybe it's a Spa?! I could get on board with kid's parties if they were held at Spas....

@Allsortsofroses

If that was the only date she could get, it was the only date she could get

I doubt that.

Why?

And what does it actually matter?

Who actually gets upset at this?

I bet the person who gets to leave early is secretly rejoicing she gets to escape the over-long party. Because two hours is the maximum most parents can endure.

Sorry but I would prioritise my child’s christening over a birthday party any day, get over it.

You're never going to get it are you

Invites are sometimes superseded by life events that come later. Especially a one year olds child of unknown age's party.

Possibly because a christening is a once only special event whereas birthday parties are every year. There's no comparison

A birthday is to mark a real event. A christening, well, I guess it depends if you’re religious...I’m not. So to me it’s just a made up thing.

I don’t think anything can be changed, OPs upset, that’s her right. It wouldn’t overly bother me but everyone is different and OPs feelings are valid.

A Christening is still more important than a kid's birthday party, no matter when either was booked.

I'm still struggling to see why any of this is such a massive deal.

that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy

Oh the irony.

Life is far too short to be worked up over this. Focus on your child enjoying the party with all that can attend.

Yes, It's crap that she's chosen the same day to christen her child but if I was in your shoes I would just wish them a lovely day. If she has form for this don't bother extending invites in the future. Simple

I can understand this.

Personally I would say it isn’t going to be worth them coming if they are going to leave half way through.

If I want a catch up with a friend I would book another date when there isn’t any time restraint and you can relax.

I would certainly not be acting as childcare for double booker
My initial thought was she booked it the same day as she could then get rid of her child and rope other people in to do her bidding.

I really can’t understand posters who can’t see this.
Double booker sounds selfish and flaky, her actions are of someone who is selfish and flaky so why think mil is some some of nasty person when she is stating the obvious.

I would get a few more people invited and leave double booker to her christening.
Interested to know if they are regular church goers or it is just a thing that looks good on SM.

Ahh OP, I mean this so kindly but YABU! She hasn't made your other relative do this, she could have said no. You could also meet up with this relative at another opportunity.

I honestly wouldn't get too worked up about it, its not the biggest deal in the world, do you not get on too well with this person? That maybe clouding your judgement here.

How old is your child? are they likely to notice the other children had left? You could always cut the cake earlier so nobody misses it? cut them a piece and send them on their way and then cut the cake for the rest of the kids and put it into party bags - it will probably be much less stressful for you than trying to do it at the end anyway to be fair

So the relative you like has been stiffed with babysitting and potentially has the unenviable task of extracting their dc and DN from a party that they don't want to leave and then getting them all to the christening looking presentable and not hyped up on sugar/in a foul mood. She deserves a medal.

You will have a party full of excitable/tired children. If it's very small children parents may want to extract dcs early if they are getting overstimulated. If they are old enough that it's a dump and run you will have your hands full. It would be much more sensible to de-invite the family members and then take the relative you like out for a day at the venue on another occasion where you can all relax and enjoy yourselves. She can also fill you in on all the goings on at the christening and discuss how dreadful the relative you hate is.

Christening is a lot more important that a birthday party 😕 It’s an important day for the family.
I think yours is 1st birthday party. You’ve got fancy cake, photographer, balloon arch all lined up and other person has top trumped you with all that plus a ceremony.
It really isn’t norm to be this put out over a party. You invite people, some rsvp some don’t. Some drop out, some don’t turn up.

@Allsortsofroses

Of COURSE a christening is priority over a birthday party.

I'd agree if the birthday party hadn't been booked, and invites accepted by her and other relatives (who she's now double booked without their agreement) nearly two months before hand.

I asked you this before, and you didn't answer: If she'd scheduled the christening for the same date before you sent invites for the party, what would that change? Would you have rescheduled the party to accommodate the christening to which you aren't even invited? Assuming not, you'd have the same issue with your two relatives missing part of the party.

My initial thought was she booked it the same day as she could then get rid of her child and rope other people in to do her bidding.

I really can’t understand posters who can’t see this.

Probably because it's not at all difficult to believe that there were no other christening dates available. But even if you're right, so what? If the double-booker has some convoluted scheme to rope this other relative into providing free childcare, and has succeeded ... that might be a problem for the other relative, but it's nothing to do with OP.

We are obviously talking about really young children here. Toddlers and babies really don’t want to go to long events. Far too drawn out. All day parties are for teens. An adult or two takes their child and a couple of mates to Alton Towers, Thorpe Park etc. You’re likely to have a bunch of screaming kids, over stimulated kids or kids napping with your child’s party. Even at 7, a long event is ott.

She hasn’t double booked relatives. It’s up to them what they attend. Sending invites so far in advance is a risk. Again it’s not norm to send birthday party invitations 2 months in advance.
So people who have rsvp you to say yes are now saying no as they need to go to christening. It’s good you know in advance. You can either invite a few other people or scale back and save money. Some people missing won’t impact your party.

Op get the mil to ring the priest and tell them what an awful woman she is. The Mil is so well thought of that the woman and her family will be immediately excommunicated from the church cancelling the christening and you precious darlings birthday bonanza will be the centre of attention.

OP, the only people that actually care about a kid's birthday are their parents and possibly grandparents. For everyone else these parties are a pain in the arse. You think it's important. Others don't.

If they are old enough that it's a dump and run you will have your hands full

It doesn't seem to be - it's a lovely relaxing day at a venue which has amazing activities and facilities for both accompanying parents and DC

@Allsortsofroses

Someone's told you about that conversation even if you weren't directly involved...

It's absolutely miraculous how some posters on here believe that they know everything about an incident that happenerd among people they have never met, do not know and were not party to.

Noone told me about it; I was standing there when she said it. I cant spend any more time repeatedly correcting (offensive) assumptions.

(And I'd really rather not put any further identifying information on this thread re children's ages, venue.etc.

Obviously you don’t have to disclose the venue or even type of venue but the age of your child and the children attending is useful context @Allsortsofroses. If we are talking about 0-5 years of age then parties are for the parents not the children. If it’s messing up a formal event for a 17 yo’s birthday it’s a different matter.

I get that it’s a disappointment for you but it isn’t a big deal in the scheme of things and not worth winding yourself up over it. In a few years time you’ll be confiscating booze and hoping every teen in a 10 mile radius doesn’t turn up to the party and you’ll look back on this party and wish you had as much say as you’ve got now.

Anyone - ANYONE - referring to a person as "that woman", as the OP has done at least twice, feels contempt and dislike of the said woman.

What @ClawedButler said exactly

No one gives a toss about kids birthday parties
No one gives a toss about yours except you
I didn't even like my own kids parties
Even if my sister or BF invited me to a whole 'event' for a party I'd make something up or poke myself in the eye to avoid attending

So for all the above reasons YABU

Also don't understand the secrecy of the age other than it's going to out you as batshit crazy for organising an 'event' for a 6 year old or whatever