To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

There are around 50-60,000 children born in an year in the U.K.

How would the age of the child make it identifying?

OP: it is for a 4 year old
Random MN user: “you must be Jane as she has a 4 year old”

Wow, you're hard work OP and it's abundantly clear that you despise the relative who has the Christening on the same day. And your MIL sounds dreadful too.

This place is like a soap opera to me!

I strongly suspect your dc is a pre-schooler as once they get to school the parties mainly become all about their friends and family fade into the background a bit

If that was the only date she could get, it was the only date she could get

I doubt that.

You sound bitter AF really OP, going on like you’ve booked out Disney land and how dare a relative have the audacity to book her child’s christening on the birth of your kids day!

News flash.. invite acceptance isnt legally binding and no one cares about your kids birthday party other than you!

I bet the venues got a bar... to make it so 'relaxing and fun' for the adults. It's not going to be for the kids at all, is it?

I’ve read most of the thread now and actually think you’re getting a hard time OP.

I think lots of people class christenings as more important than a birthday party. I don’t know why.

Regardless, your friend is the sister of this woman so if you want her there, I suppose you’ll just have to accept she leaves early. Bloody annoying though. I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Just don’t forget what she’s like for the future and distance yourself from her.

You have absolutely no idea

Oh believe me - you're all coming through loud and clear.

It's pretty obvious that the child is 1yo or 2yo, and the OP has gone WAY overkill with what she's laid on for a child who won't even remember it.

18 year olds don't give a shit about their mum's relatives attending their birthday. They just want to go out and get pissed with their mates.

Um, if it helps to point out, this is already a massively identifying situation. The child's age is really not the final piece of a previously unsolvable puzzle

@Allsortsofroses

If that was the only date she could get, it was the only date she could get

I doubt that.

Have you tried to book a christening recently? I have, it was very difficult to get a date that suited the minister, us and grandparents. He was christened 4 months after we originally wanted

It may come as a massive shock, but

NOBODY ELSE CARES ABOUT KIDS BIRTHDAY PARTIES.

They are not important.
They are not fun.
They are not relaxing.

Personally I think 'this woman' knows full well you all don't like her, so I can hardly blame her for not bending over backwards for you.

@Allsortsofroses

If that was the only date she could get, it was the only date she could get

I doubt that.

Why do you doubt it? Many posters have said about how hard it is to get dates so why do you automatically assume she is lying?

I think lots of people class christenings as more important than a birthday party. I don’t know why.

Because it happens once, birthdays are yearly

@Tinacollada

God I wish I had time to be worried about some such shite.

Me too!

I think lots of people class christenings as more important than a birthday party. I don’t know why

Seriously?

Possibly because a christening is a once only special event whereas birthday parties are every year. There's no comparison

Your OP says that’s the only date she could get. Do you think she lied and deliberately chose a date for her child’s christening to sabotage your child’s birthday party?

Sometimes there’s proviso to be christened by a certain age for school admissions. To stop people finding faith when child is 3 just for the school form.
If her child is older it may well be x date or wait until next year which would cause problems. Some churches may not do christenings at certain times of year too eg during advent. Also if she’s trying to fit baby in family gown they can’t wait months for another date.
Either she genuinely forgot or she’s deliberately clashed but I don’t see how it spoils your party at all. Just have people there who can come for full duration.

@SirChenjins

She's a truthful woman

A sort of 'I call a spade a fucking spade me ' type character? Yes, we've all met one of those.

And then we make sure we avoid them ever after.

I’m sure the nasty MILs reputation precedes her, and folk just part ways before her, like Moses parting the Red Sea, terrified they will be caught in her poisonous wake

And one is an actual ceremony needing an officiate and people have life long roles and is incredibly meaningful to those with faith etc etc. Children’s birthday party pales into insignificance.
I’m an atheist and I wouldn’t hesitate to prioritise a christening in these circs as it will be meaningful to the family.
The only thing I could think where party might take precedence would be a very ill child who against the odds was celebrating a birthday - where it became extremely meaningful and precious.

As you wont say what the venue is or how old the child is it is difficult to advise but if it is a full day out I am guessing it must be for older children. However if the person bringing the child is a sibling of the lady who has booked a christening then I can understand her prioritising her niece/nephews christening over a cousins birthday party as they happen every year. One year of missing a birthday party is not the end of the world. I assume she is trying to keep you both happy and is therefore sacrificing her time to drive to and from a venue for presumably a very short time. She sounds like she is stuck in the middle, the sibling obviously could not care less about your childs birthday so accepted a date given for her childs christening instead. Why don't you just meet up with your mate/relative some other time? Kids birthday parties are usually a nightmare to host or attend and I am very glad my DD has not got sucked into the birthday party extravaganzas yet for her two daughters.

Of COURSE a christening is priority over a birthday party.

I'd agree if the birthday party hadn't been booked, and invites accepted by her and other relatives (who she's now double booked without their agreement) nearly two months before hand.

yabuq

OP - AIBU
MN - yes you are

Yabu *

Bloody hell apols for so many ‘meaningfuls’ there