To be angry that my relative has booked an event on the same day as my child's birthday

[Allsortsofroses]

I booked a venue for my child's birthday party and invited everyone, including this woman and her child (and husband if he wanted to go), about a month and a half beforehand.

I thought that was neither too much nor little notice.

She accepted.

She then contacted me weeks later saying she's booked her child's christening on the same day because she forgot, and says it's the only date she can get ).

She has now suggested another take her child to part of the birthday party while she prepares for the christening, but her child (and that relative, and her child, and partner) will have to leave the birthday party early in order to get ready for the christening etc.
In fact they'll have to leave before we could get to the cake cutting.

My partner has said tk forgoer about it, that we all know from previous experience that's she's selfish and dippy, but I must admit I'm trying hard to stay totally diplomatic about it.

What do you make of it?

To be fair to op - given her posts and the pretty much unanimous reaction I don’t think she should disclose age of child or venue or relationship to whoever it is. I personally wouldn’t want to be identifiable in these circs.
So even putting it at its highest - 18th birthday booked meal and whatever for a whole day and some sink costs I’d STill accept a rare and ‘only available date’ christening with the explanation and apology and workarounds all of which the op has - completely - and would not think twice about it. Life really really is far too short and precious to live it that way.

A day long party sounds horrendous!

I'd be glad to escape to a quiet christening.

(And I'd really rather not put any further identifying information on this thread re children's ages, venue.etc.

Its really not identifying to put the childs age OP. I mean its anything from 1 -18.
Its pretty obvious now that its a one year old anyway.

I'd say its more identifying whining about a relative who has a christening on the same day as this 'event'.

Plus the fact you think you can have a good catch up with your friend at a childs birthday party kinda suggests you've never hosted a childs birthday party before. You'll be lucky if you get time to pee, let alone catch up with old friends.

I think you just need to let it go and come to terms with the fact she isn't bothered about attending, and quite possibly puts her own babys christening first.

@Bookworm20

Her mil's expressed opinion was "that is one spoilt little bitch, well he's made his bed, he can lie in it". What a hideous woman calling her DIL that!

People know that if she said it, she had a point
Or they agree so they too don't get labeled a bitch or whatever other names she might come up with.

But back to your AIBU.

HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD?

She's a truthful woman.

I'd never worry about what she called me because, if she did call me anything, I know it would be deserved. She wouldn't say it if it wasn't. I imagine others know that too.

It's a child's birthday party. That's really only a big deal to the child and their immediate family. I don't think I've ever been as annoyed as you seem to be, because someone couldn't make it to one of my kids' birthday party.

Would you feel like this if it was a wedding instead of a christening? Because the difficulty in getting dates is fairly similar.

She's a truthful woman

A sort of 'I call a spade a fucking spade me ' type character? Yes, we've all met one of those.

@Whatinthelord

Shall we ask mumsnets to add a TMIR topic….. Tell Me I’m Reasonable.

What a drama over nothing. It's a kids birthday party it's not a Royal Wedding. So she's booked her christening on the same day. Chances are she's had no great choice in the day. Our church do several christenings on the one day, parents are told what date the next one is. Could be if she didn't take this one it might be into next year before there's another

Children's birthday parties are only important to the children and parents hosting.

I certainly wouldn't delay my child's christening for a child's party

As pp said she's had the decency to notify you and arrange for her child to attend

Move on 🙄

I am guessing your child is quite young and you possibly come from a culture where birthdays are very important social events for the adults?Your child will not care if these adults are not there and the adults are really not going to add anything to a children's party. I think she has suggested a good compromise. If you were really close she would have chosen a later date so I am guessing you are not that close so what does it really matter?

The lockdowns have put pressure on christening and wedding etc dates.

OP, the example that @TastesLikeFeet gave was a demonstration of actual and legitimate cheekyfuckery. Unlike yours, which includes someone you don't like doing her best to get her child to your child's party for at least some of it.

@Whatinthelord

Shall we ask mumsnets to add a TMIR topic….. Tell Me I’m Reasonable.

Love it

PS OP how old is your child?

@SirChenjins

She's a truthful woman

A sort of 'I call a spade a fucking spade me ' type character? Yes, we've all met one of those.

You can say plenty of things about her, but she'll always tell you straight.

If you want to get revenge, invite her MIL to your child's birthday party.
That would make a great new thread...

Seriously though, why is this all about her and nothing to do with her husband, as presumably she's your friends SIL rather than her sibling?

Your relative that is leaving the party could have said no......I'm not leaving the party early....

She can't not attend her siblings child's christening.

I get you're annoyed but 2 people are prioritising a christening over a party

Absolutely not.
I feel sorry for her being put in the position of having to bail on a long accepted invite to her mate/relatives child's party (and have her child miss out) ... or try to half ass it, leave early, rush around etc.

That's their choice..... you could equally tell them not to bother coming at all if they aren't going to stay for all of it...

I'd never do that, that would be rude/horrible, my relative/mate is trying to make the best of the situation this lady had put her in.

If that was the only date she could get, it was the only date she could get. It's absolutely not unreasonable of her at all to prioritise the christening of her own child over attending a relative's child's birthday party. Why does it matter so much that she accepted your invitation first? If she'd scheduled the christening first and then declined the invitation because the christening was already scheduled for that day, what would that have changed? Would you really have rescheduled the party to accommodate her? Assuming not, I honestly don't see why this matters either way.

She didn't "make" your other relative miss half the party to shuttle her kid around. She asked your other relative, and your other relative agreed - which they have every right to do. This probably only came up because you kicked up a fuss about her kid missing the party, so that one's on you. If you have a problem with this, it should be directed at the other relative. Though, really, I would suggest you stop getting angry with people for daring to have other things in their lives that conflict with your party.

If her "double-booking" means the party day is less "relaxing" for her than it could have been ... how on earth is that either your business or your problem?

Perhaps OP is just pissed that she has paid for them to come for the half day for them to bugger off half way through? I mean, privately hiring Disneyland can't be cheap!

In all seriousness though OP, I suggest handcuffs or super sticky superglue to bind your friend/relative and said children to you so that no one can leave until you produce the key/visit A&E.

God I wish I had time to be worried about some such shite.

She can't not attend her siblings child's christening.

But you seem to think the sibling should have just not christened her child ...

@SirChenjins

She's a truthful woman

A sort of 'I call a spade a fucking spade me ' type character? Yes, we've all met one of those.

You have absolutely no idea.

This is all about a child's party? Normally I agree if you accept you attend, but in this case it's her own child's christening and she's given you plenty of notice, so unless you paid £££ per head it makes no difference to you really.
Also she's not making your friend do anything, they have agreed to do that for her. That part is nothing to do with you.
I think you should let this one go

@PurpleOkapi

She can't not attend her siblings child's christening.

But you seem to think the sibling should have just not christened her child ...

Oh absolutely, she shouldn't.

You're so right.

Most people are in agreement with her

who is going to publically disagree with a foul-mouthed harridan like that?

A child's age isn't identifying, don't be ridiculous

I thought at first that this first post couldn't possibly be serious, but it seems you are!

Anyone can leave your child's birthday party at any time they like, for an commitment they like. Bloody hell.

Of COURSE a christening is priority over a birthday party.

Get a grip! You've made a mountain out of a molehill here.