Girls having to say when they have their period

[Cliff1975]

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

I don't know if OP has said (i don't think so) but maybe she DID go during lunch.

I know i've had times when i've gone to the loo to change pad/tampon and 10 mins later i've flooded/passed a clot/got my pad twisted up and stuck to one arse cheek ect ect. and needed to go back to the loo.

The issue isn't really about 'should she have gone during break or not' really. That's a bit of a red herring here.

The issue is about being allowed to go to the toilet not during break time - because you need to.

Anyone who has spent any time in a classroom will know that you quickly get to know who takes the piss or is likely to be taking the piss. You know who's likely to be asking because their mate's just gone and is waiting for them, and who's likely to be asking because you know they struggle to engage in lessons.

Wanting to keep skipping class is an issue in itself. If a child is often seeming to try to leave the classroom you should be addressing that in an appropriate way.

@Peaseblossum22

And we wonder why we gave the most stressed, anxious and unhappy teenagers in Europe.

I think overcrowded, vandalised schools where bullies hang out in the toilets has more to do with that than a teacher asking someone to wait twenty minutes so a class isn’t disrupted tbh. Also the parents who encourage their children to put their own comfort before others at all times and who don’t prioritise education. I’m not talking about emergencies. I’m talking about the “my child should empty their bladder WHENEVER suits them, they should not have to wait a single second” brigade so evident on here.

I’m talking about the “my child should empty their bladder WHENEVER suits them, they should not have to wait a single second” brigade so evident on here.

Every child should be able to empty its bladder whenever it suits them. I'm confused as to why anyone would think it's ok to stop them.

Periods aside, I don’t find it at all strange that someone might need the loo 5 minutes after their lunch break ends. Because they’ll have consumed food and drink during their lunch break. Seems like basic human biology.

But yes, 20 years ago I had a (male) teacher who would ask girls if they were on their periods before allowing them to go to the toilet during lessons. I thought it was disgusting and unacceptable then and I think it’s disgusting and unacceptable now.

My oldest secondary school the toilets are not allowed to be used while moving between lessons so it’s break or lunch for the entire school to use the bathrooms. Lunch is around 30 minutes again for the entire school at the same time to get food/eat and go to the toilet.

Often my sons packed lunch hasn’t been eaten at all and the first thing he does as he gets in is go to the toilet. Because even packed lunches can only eat in certain areas so you have to be able to get to the area abs find somewhere to eat because there is no cover outside if it’s raining.

It’s bonkers and so much worse for girls if they are on their periods. My younger twos primary school has one toilet for the whole of year 5/6 that has a sanitary bin and that’s in the one disabled toilet, but to get to their pads to get any pads they have to walk though their class rooms to the lockers then back though the class room holder said pad to then go though the 5/6 library to the toilets which is open plan with big glass doors each side so any younger years in Pe/playtime can see who’s going into which toilet.

Fun times.

I’m talking about the “my child should empty their bladder WHENEVER suits them, they should not have to wait a single second” brigade so evident on here.

Brigade

Come on, im not even arguing for my child. I am arguing the case for every child. I only have one left in school and she is allowed to leave class any time she needs to - it's not related to toileting directly but obviously if she wanted to go to the loo she could. I have no personal interest here, I just believe it's fundamentally wrong to deny a child the opportunity to use the bathroom.

@Chasingaftermidnight

Periods aside, I don’t find it at all strange that someone might need the loo 5 minutes after their lunch break ends. Because they’ll have consumed food and drink during their lunch break. Seems like basic human biology.

But yes, 20 years ago I had a (male) teacher who would ask girls if they were on their periods before allowing them to go to the toilet during lessons. I thought it was disgusting and unacceptable then and I think it’s disgusting and unacceptable now.

Me too 20 years ago.

The other ridiculous thing about asking a child if they’re menstrating is that if a child was lying to go to the toilet then surely then just lie about being on their period.

How would you classify an emergency and how would you get the info. needed Coronawireless? In a class setting.

I remember having this exact conversion with my mum and I'm in my early 30s. She told me just get up and go to the bathroom if you ever need it and she would support and refute any punishment.

I remember there being times I was worried I had bled through and I was too scared to get up in case there was a mark on my chair. Wonder how much I concentrated those lessons?

I hate these kind of rules

@Chasingaftermidnight

Periods aside, I don’t find it at all strange that someone might need the loo 5 minutes after their lunch break ends. Because they’ll have consumed food and drink during their lunch break. Seems like basic human biology.

But yes, 20 years ago I had a (male) teacher who would ask girls if they were on their periods before allowing them to go to the toilet during lessons. I thought it was disgusting and unacceptable then and I think it’s disgusting and unacceptable now.

All of this.

Shouting loudly about a year 8 girl being on her period is out of order regardless on what your dd said or did. The teacher is an adult and should know better. I'm sure teacher wouldn't want her period being shouted about in front of others

@LittleGwyneth

Of course she should be able to go the bathroom. If you need to go, you need to go. It's a bonkers power trip for a teacher to say no. If they take ages or use it as an excuse to skive a lesson, then deal with that.

It might seem like a 'bonkers power trip' but staff are often told by leadership not to allow children out of classrooms.

Periods shouldnt be a source of shame or embarrassment but its up to the individual how and who they share intimate details with.
When DD first started her period she didn't want DH to know (I had to tell him as I was going away for the weekend)
Now she's 15 and will talk openly at home or tell us she's on her period, (which I'm both surprised and quite impressed about tbh) but I can't imagine that she wants to disclose it to her teachers or pupils outside her immediate friendship group.
In the same way I might grumble to a close friend or close female colleague that I was on my period, I certainly don't want everyone in the (male dominated) work environment to know.

:17claymodels

Marvellousmadness

Let's be fair here
She should have gone during lunch

Also why are there so many pps talking about shame and it being "too personal" when it comes to disclosing your period.

Why tf is this still taboo and why are Daughters still raised like having your period is something you should hide and be ashamed of sad

It's not taboo. It's absolutely wrong to lay the responsibility of normalising periods on the young teens in schools who are just learning about their own bodies themselves though.

Well done for saying so Marvellous.
I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period. What are the terrible consequences?

I know people are going to say, 'oh, but it's private don't y'know.'

Well, having a wee is an equally private matter but apparently it doesn't matter if the whole class gets to know about it.

My DD rarely gets to go to the toilet or eat in breaks because she's a keen joiner-inner and has music practice/choir/netball etc in the breaks. They are limited as to where they're allowed to eat, remove masks etc, and limited as to which toilets they can use for each year group. There are far too many children for too few facilities as it it, and covid restrictions have made it harder. It's hardly surprising that some young people do need to go at unscheduled times for whatever reason.

It's also completely possible for menstruating girls and women to need to return to a toilet only a short while after having gone - a tampon inserted uncomfortably, a pad that adheres to skin, a realisation that you're flooding.....these all regularly happen to me/colleagues and friends. Young girls only just getting to grips with the trickiness of periods need more not less understanding.

If a child is known for disruptive or avoidant behaviour in school then deal with that as a separate issue. Don't deny them the right to go to the loo.

I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period.

That's a you problem.

@Harriet1216

:17claymodels

Marvellousmadness

Let's be fair here
She should have gone during lunch

Also why are there so many pps talking about shame and it being "too personal" when it comes to disclosing your period.

Why tf is this still taboo and why are Daughters still raised like having your period is something you should hide and be ashamed of sad

It's not taboo. It's absolutely wrong to lay the responsibility of normalising periods on the young teens in schools who are just learning about their own bodies themselves though.

Well done for saying so Marvellous.
I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period. What are the terrible consequences?

I know people are going to say, 'oh, but it's private don't y'know.'

Well, having a wee is an equally private matter but apparently it doesn't matter if the whole class gets to know about it.

Such an odd comment. Adults, even those not embarrassed by menstration don’t give details of their bodily functions to groups of other adults they barely know.

There’d be no consequences from me telling people I’m off for a shit. Still I just say “ I need the loo” as does everyone else I know.

If you left an important meeting would you say “ I’m just popping to the toilet” or “ I’m having a heavy menstration and need to change my sanitary towel”.

I used to volunteer at a local primary school, doing 1 to 1 reading with kids in year 5 and 6 who needed some support. I was often amazed at the procession of 10 and 11 year old who would need to go to the loo twice in the 90 minutes I was there, week after week. I used to wonder how the teacher kept their patience with the endless disruptions.

I had to pull GS up on the same thing, 16 year old and no sooner would an online lesson start than he'd disappear to the loo, only to do the same with the next lesson. I pointed out that he was fooling no one and he'd better up his game.

Like so many things the genuine ones suffer for the ones who take the mickey.

I hate school toilet Policy like this so much. I had chronic cystitis, hormonal diarrhoea and menorrhagia (heavy bleeding) as a teenager and school toilet Policy like this made my life hell. I used to walk out and deal with the repercussions, but I was often in trouble for it. I can't believe we haven't moved on, and that teenage girls still either feel too embarrassed or ashamed to vocalise their toiletting needs, or if they do the teacher uses it to humiliate them. You shouldn't need evidence that you need the toilet. Anyone can have sudden bout of diarrhoea, any menstruating girl or women can suddenly flood. Anybody can get a UTI. Anyone can misjudge whether they need the toilet or not, or drink too much on their lunch and need to go when they didn't 10 minutes before.

11claymodels

I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period.

That's a you problem.
No, actually it isn't. And you're not telling me why you think it's a problem if others know that a girl is on her period. Just saying 'it's a you problem' is no answer at all.

@Harriet1216

11claymodels

I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period.

That's a you problem.
No, actually it isn't. And you're not telling me why you think it's a problem if others know that a girl is on her period. Just saying 'it's a you problem' is no answer at all.

It is a you problem. You have said you are unable to understand why it can be a problem. That's quite a huge part of thinking ability to be lacking. It's defo you.

I've always told my children that if they need to go to the toilet and get told no then to just walk out and go. It's a basic human right to be able to use a toilet when you need to.

I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period.

I don’t know what you do for work, but would you be 100% comfortable telling 30 of your colleagues and your boss that you were on your period?

I definitely wouldn’t.

@Chasingaftermidnight

I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period.

I don’t know what you do for work, but would you be 100% comfortable telling 30 of your colleagues and your boss that you were on your period?

I definitely wouldn’t.

No one would. Anyone who says they do is talking bs. Also none is specifying for others (Otherthan maybe in their intimate relationship) what bodily function they doing in the bathroom either. We’re not all horrifically embarrassed of people knowing we’re having a wee. We just don’t need to justify the specific bodily function we’re exercising in the toilet.

I can't understand why there appear to be so many girls who are frightened of anyone knowing they are on their period. What are the terrible consequences?

I'm assuming you weren't bullied at school? If some of the nastier kids in class - girls and boys - knew someone was on their period they'd make their lives hell for a week. "Watch she doesn't bleed all over you.."

This is why so many girls don't want others to know they're on their period - that, and the fact that it's nobodies business but their own.

I certainly don't tell my clients I need to go change my sanitary product during a meeting, not because I'm ashamed but because it would be just fucking awkward for everyone there