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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls having to say when they have their period

341 replies

Cliff1975 · 15/11/2021 08:39

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

OP posts:
ColinTheKoala · 15/11/2021 17:08

[quote Porcupineintherough]@claymodels yes but that doesnt mean instant access to a toilet does it?[/quote]
Well it should, and some cafe owners could do with knowing that and stop being so precious about access to their toilets, but that discussion has been done on here before.

On Thursday I was travelling by train and had to use the gents loos at one railway station because one ladies toilet was out of action, and another on another platform was being cleaned. Both gents loos were fine. And on the way back yesterday the ladies loos were still closed and I noticed that the third ladies loo had been repurposed as a unisex loo requiring a RADAR key. A different issue, but related, and all down to the fact that there are too many people who refuse to accept that women in particular do need immediate access to toilet facilities

Porcupineintherough · 15/11/2021 17:10

@claymodels well how it is translated into employment law is that there should be the provision of sanitary facilities where possible and you have a right to occasional breaks (I think it's a minimum of two during the working day) to use them. There are many, many jobs where toilets are not easily available and where you cant just down tools and wander off whenever the need arises. Teaching is one incidentally but then there's postal work, delivery work, plant operators, checkout assistants, forestry workers, people on assembly lines - the list goes on and on.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 17:12

[quote Porcupineintherough]@claymodels well how it is translated into employment law is that there should be the provision of sanitary facilities where possible and you have a right to occasional breaks (I think it's a minimum of two during the working day) to use them. There are many, many jobs where toilets are not easily available and where you cant just down tools and wander off whenever the need arises. Teaching is one incidentally but then there's postal work, delivery work, plant operators, checkout assistants, forestry workers, people on assembly lines - the list goes on and on.[/quote]

Employment law doesn't apply to children so even if what you say is correct (I cba to check) it's not remotely relevant to OP DD.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 17:12

To children in school that should read, before I get jumped on because obviously children do have employment rights Hmm

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 15/11/2021 17:27

LuaDipa-

Why can’t your daughter do swimming? You can get period swimwear these days!

claymodels · 15/11/2021 17:30

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

LuaDipa-

Why can’t your daughter do swimming? You can get period swimwear these days!

It's really worrying that grown adults can't recognise that although you get period swimwear they are not compulsory and not everyone is comfortable to swim during their period. This is 100% choice.

maddy68 · 15/11/2021 17:32

There is more to this story.

She had lunch time to go to the toilet like everyone else.

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 15/11/2021 17:40

Claymodels-

Why would anyone be uncomfortable when wearing protection from leaks?

What else are people not ‘comfortable’ with doing whilst on periods??

Do you not go to work, just in case your pad leaks?

Coronawireless · 15/11/2021 17:40

[quote Porcupineintherough]@claymodels well how it is translated into employment law is that there should be the provision of sanitary facilities where possible and you have a right to occasional breaks (I think it's a minimum of two during the working day) to use them. There are many, many jobs where toilets are not easily available and where you cant just down tools and wander off whenever the need arises. Teaching is one incidentally but then there's postal work, delivery work, plant operators, checkout assistants, forestry workers, people on assembly lines - the list goes on and on.[/quote]
Also surgeons, astronauts, newsreaders, police on active duty, firefighters during a fire, anyone doing a press conference…

KurtWilde · 15/11/2021 17:41

@maddy68

There is more to this story. She had lunch time to go to the toilet like everyone else.
Her period started AFTER lunchtime. Do you not bother reading OPs updates?
claymodels · 15/11/2021 17:57

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

Claymodels-

Why would anyone be uncomfortable when wearing protection from leaks?

What else are people not ‘comfortable’ with doing whilst on periods??

Do you not go to work, just in case your pad leaks?

Just here to clarify my comment regarding not being comfortable was about swimming. Thanks.

shreddednips · 15/11/2021 18:29

Used to teach primary, upper primary quite a bit. I wouldn't refuse a child permission to go to the toilet. What I did do was have a general chat with my classes at the beginning of the year along the lines of, I won't stop you going to the loo if you need to, but I would appreciate you holding on if I'm giving teaching input at the front of the class or we are doing something really crucial like the register so I wouldn't have to repeat myself. And I also trust you not to swing the lead and only ask to go to the toilet in lessons if you actually need to.

Generally, my classes were pretty good about asking to go at sensible times- I can imagine though that it wouldn't be as easy with secondary students. The only times I can remember asking a student to wait is if their friend has just gone and then all their friends suddenly need to go too because they're obviously hoping for a chat. I'd let them go when the friend returned but they didn't usually need to go any more then 😁

I'd rather some students were nipping to the loo to get a bit of a break than refuse a child who really needed to go. I don't think it matters really why they need to go- when you've got to go, you've got to go.

I don't like the idea of these toilet pass-type things, because it invites classmates to speculate on why the child needs to be allowed to go to the toilet. Also baffled by posters saying that girls should feel comfortable telling their teachers that they're on their period. NO. The only should about any of this is that children should be able to manage their bodily functions with privacy and dignity. Encouraging children to break down normal boundaries between themselves and adults isn't safe!

Its nothing to do with making periods less embarrassing either. I'm not embarrassed about my periods, but I also don't discuss them with just anyone because bodily privacy is a normal, widely accepted social norm. As is feeling embarrassed by normal bodily functions when you're a teenager.

doodleZ1 · 15/11/2021 18:42

So you admit it would be a nightmare but you are happy for it to continue anyway? I taught for 30 odd years. We were told not to let the kids out during class and if anything happened it was the staff that got it in the neck. So your idea of complaining about the staff is just great isn't it? I will tell you what happens if we let them out and believe every one of them. They make arrangements with their pals to get out of class at a certain time. they then go to the class of some unsuspecting teacher and say that some senior teacher wants to see a particular pupil. This pupil is let out of class and the 2 or 3 others that have conspired to meet up at a set time batter this individual in a quiet corridor and then deny it. What else have I seen? Oh yes the jolly jape of getting out and setting off the fire alarm and the fire brigade coming to the school every day and I mean every day for weeks on end until we figure out who got out of class and who set off the fire alarm. The rest of the school have to stand in the playground for over half an hour every day in all weathers until the firemen check the building. We are not allowed to lock classroom doors during this event so items are stolen. Then there's the regular bored brigade or let's take the piss out of the teacher and before you know it 6 of them are in the toilets. Or the ones that phone home from the toilet and their parent comes to collect them without a word to the school who then reports them missing. Then the usual turning the taps on and putting the plug in jape. The boyfriend meeting up with his girlfriend? Any idea what they are up to? There's no easy answer other than the kids behave themselves but the reality is they don't. Yes it's a nightmare and I can assure you that the toilets and the corridors would be packed if we believed every one of them. Perhaps better parenting, but again that's not going to happen. Schools try everything they can to make it work but if you have determined youngsters they find ways round it. By the way I worked in good schools.

turnthebiglightoff · 15/11/2021 18:45

@doodleZ1 were not in a 50s school story though......

doodleZ1 · 15/11/2021 18:46

2021 actually

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 15/11/2021 20:02

Claymodels-

I know your comment was about swimming, but it is no different doing anything else, if you are wearing appropriate protection (i.e period swim costume).

Personwithrage · 15/11/2021 20:14

Im a grown adult who's been menstruating for more than 25yearsnand I'm not overly keen on swimming while bleeding. Just last year I managed to find myself in an embarrassing situation with blood on my legs at a public pool with the sc. Not because I'm morally dubious, or disorganised, or incompetent or whatever. But because I'm a female who is subject to the vagaries of my body.

Why can't we be more generous to young girls who are only just getting to grips with it all? For whom it is embarrassing if you leak or think everyone knows?

Personwithrage · 15/11/2021 20:15

And do period swimming products really work? For heavy flow?

They're seriously expensive so I'd be wary of buying them for growing DC regardless tbh

turnthebiglightoff · 15/11/2021 20:29

Fundamentally, not allowing children to go to the toilet is really, really shit. I had several period floods in school which wouldn't have happened had my teachers allowed me to go and change my pads. Teenage periods can be horrific and allowing a child to leak in front of their friends and peers just makes you a horrendous person, and frankly a shit teacher; your relationship with your class should be such that there's mutual respect; plenty of teachers have posted that they are able to allow kids to go to the toilet and they don't take the piss.

Brefugee · 15/11/2021 20:29

It only takes five minutes to go to the loo, change your protection and come back!

lucky you. I was regularly denied being allowed to use the toilet, in an all girls school, and even after the first time when blood dripped all over the floor, i was told to time it better. And had to clean it up before i could go back to the dorm to get fresh uniform (at least i could do that)

It is power trippy and absolute bullshit.

BlueBellsArePretty · 15/11/2021 21:06

The question is if pupils are to be able to leave class whenever they wish for the toilet due to human rights etc is this same courtesy to be extended to teachers?

Whatinthelord · 15/11/2021 21:44

@BlueBellsArePretty

The question is if pupils are to be able to leave class whenever they wish for the toilet due to human rights etc is this same courtesy to be extended to teachers?
That a question for teachers and for them to take up with their teaching unions.

Of course any job should allow decent access to toilets.

claymodels · 15/11/2021 21:45

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

Claymodels-

I know your comment was about swimming, but it is no different doing anything else, if you are wearing appropriate protection (i.e period swim costume).

You are right; it's no different to doing anything else. It's all about choice.

Brefugee · 16/11/2021 07:32

is this same courtesy to be extended to teachers?

assuming that some of us who grew up with awful periods do go on to become teachers I'm sure they make contingency plans. Not sure how it would work if they have to run out though, it would depend on TAs and so on.

Fomofo · 16/11/2021 07:37

I love swimming and have never not gone because of my period, however I think these toilet rules for girls are dreadful