Girls having to say when they have their period

[Cliff1975]

My daughter is 13, year 8. On friday she got into trouble for answering a teacher back and arguing (agree totally out of order). However, it was over asking to go to the toilet in PE, 5 minutes after lunch (although it was after they had changed so can't have been 5 minutes. Anyway it all escalated out of proportion but my question is this, is it reasonable for a teacher to say that if agirl says it is her time of the month she will be allowed to go if not no. I mean why should they have to share this? Ho will the teacher know if they are being truthful anyway? My daughter, who is no shrinking violet was mortified that the teacher ended up shouting this with about 5 teachers present. I have told her not to answer back, argue etc but I have to admit part of me is proud of her. Some girls would be mortified being asked if it is the time of the month. Honest opinions please. I was a teacher myself for 20 years so I know kids try it on to get out of lesson but is that worth humiliating girls for who are genuine? I can't help thinking this is a power tri p for the teacher.

@Personwithrage

And do period swimming products really work? For heavy flow?

They're seriously expensive so I'd be wary of buying them for growing DC regardless tbh

No girls at the swim club my dds go to ever seem to miss training due to periods, so unless they all have very light periods (which seems unlikely) then yes, it is possible.

I'm not sure I'd feel safe with period swimwear whatever that is, tampons work, although I know not everyone uses them

Yes tampons seem to be the protection of choice

No girls at the swim club my dds go to ever seem to miss training due to periods,

Some girls probably miss the swim club because of them though...

@Pippi1970

Yes tampons seem to be the protection of choice

Your replies yesterday were somewhat odd but this is downright creepy. How on earth would you know what the choice of period swim protection is in your daughters swim club

claymodels don't be ridiculous. You clearly have a real issue with periods being discussed in real life. I would imagine tampons are used as they are the best way to swim when you are on your period. Talking to you is like talking to someone stuck in the 1960s when periods were seen as shameful.

@Pippi1970

claymodels don't be ridiculous. You clearly have a real issue with periods being discussed in real life. I would imagine tampons are used as they are the best way to swim when you are on your period. Talking to you is like talking to someone stuck in the 1960s when periods were seen as shameful.

I have no issue with periods being discussed. I have issue with adults deciding that every girl in school should have no issue. It's not the same.

Talking to you is like talking to someone stuck in the 1960s when periods were seen as shameful.

All i have done is advocate for school children to have the right to use the bathroom, be it for their period or any other reason, that's not akin to shame - it's basic understanding of the differences of human beings.

@claymodels

Talking to you is like talking to someone stuck in the 1960s when periods were seen as shameful.

All i have done is advocate for school children to have the right to use the bathroom, be it for their period or any other reason, that's not akin to shame - it's basic understanding of the differences of human beings.

Don't forget calling people creepy for understanding that most girls at swim club use tampons.

Don't forget calling people creepy for understanding that most girls at swim club use tampons.

Actually you said...

Yes tampons seem to be the protection of choice

In response to some who said

I'm not sure I'd feel safe with period swimwear whatever that is, tampons work, although I know not everyone uses them

So i didn't call you creepy for understanding girls use tampons at all, I said it was creepy that you seemed to have decided the girls in your daughters swim club chose tampons over swimwear.

If you want to challenge something I said, absolutely fine as part of healthy discussion but at least keep it real

"Creepy" was a strange word to use in that context tbf. Almost like you were trying to shut down anyone with an opposing (or even alternative) view to your own.

@Porcupineintherough

"Creepy" was a strange word to use in that context tbf. Almost like you were trying to shut down anyone with an opposing (or even alternative) view to your own.

The context was a poster discussing the 'period protection of choice' of the rest of the girls in her daughters swim club, I think creepy is entirely appropriate.

Also, I'm not interested in shutting anything down but I will defend young peoples right to use a bathroom until the cows come home. If anyone can come up with a reasonable explanation as to why this should not be absolute basic standard for their young people I would be interested to hear it.

@WildExcuses

It’s a shame that some teachers still act like this. My kids are polite and well behaved but I’ve always told them if anything like this happens, if they‘be asked politely and been refused, then they are to just walk out, use the toilet and we’ll sort out the teacher issue at a later time.

I remember when I was at secondary school, a child setting themselves in year 7 after being refused 3 times to go to the toilet and a girl in year 8 flooding on her period, again after asking to use the toilet and being refused. That will never happen to my children.

Thankfully my kids school has always been sensible about this so we’ve had no issues. My friends daughter and apparently lots of other girls at the school she attends have been given bathroom passes as the it was an issue with certain teachers refusing.

Talk to the school, see what they have to say and go from there. But there’s no way I’d put up with my child being refused to go to the toilet.

I agree, I'll be teaching my kids the same.

The context was a poster discussing the 'period protection of choice' of the rest of the girls in her daughters swim club, I think creepy is entirely appropriate

It wasn't appropriate. It was insulting, aggressive and designed to shut down a conversation that you didn't like (girls being active when on their periods).

I will never understand not allowing children to go to the toilet during lesson time, as an adult you can go to the toilet pretty much whenever you bloody please so why do we make children/teenagers hold it in? It is a power trip, there is absolutely no other reason for it.

You can spot the ones taking the piss (pardon the pun) a mile off, teachers should just use their bloody common sense, it would take up far less time to just allow it rather than argue the toss.

@PlasticCupPolitics presumably teachers do use their common sense but sometimes get it wrong or make decisions that the student or parent disagree with (as in the OP).

And actually lots of adults dont have free access to toilets but have to fit their toiletting into to designated break or lunch times, or at least go before an important meeting or site visit or delivery. I guess this is the balance schools are trying to strike with the "use the loo at break and lunch" message.

And actually lots of adults dont have free access to toilets but have to fit their toiletting into to designated break or lunch times, or at least go before an important meeting or site visit or delivery. I guess this is the balance schools are trying to strike with the "use the loo at break and lunch" message.

But at work everyone's break and lunch generally isn't at the same time. And there are far more children in a school per toilet than there are people in the average work place anyway. With only 30 minutes for lunch, it's impossible for hundreds of students to buy lunch, eat lunch, and all use the toilet. So no, it's not just as easy as everyone go at lunch or break.

It wasn't appropriate. It was insulting, aggressive and designed to shut down a conversation that you didn't like (girls being active when on their periods).

Then I apologise, it wasn't intended to be aggressive and I absolutely don't want to shut down any discussion - that's the opposite of what we need here

But they clearly aren’t getting the balance right are they, I remember it being the same when I was in school - they used to lock the toilet block during lesson times!

I understand that sometimes, an adult wouldn’t be able to use the toilet just to go for a wee or whatever but what if, 5 minutes after their break, they got sudden stomach cramps and needed to empty their bowels? Who would stop them? Or would they just shit themselves?

This is the difference here, nobody should have to explain why they need to be excused to use the toilet, you wouldn’t expect an adult to do it why do we expect teenagers to?

It's difficult to manager for schools, as an ex teacher you could easily end up with the whole class popping out and back in and it's very disruptive.
But I've been I situations when I need to go. There and then, could be tampon flooding or bowel related.
I think the best way to handle it is to calmly say - I'm going to the bathroom, it's very urgent and leave before they can argue!
When they get back say ' I had blood running down my leg, I told you were I was going, I couldn't wait any longer'

I think the best way to handle it is to calmly say - I'm going to the bathroom, it's very urgent and leave before they can argue!

Yes; I'm going to the bathroom is all that should ever be needed.

When they get back say ' I had blood running down my leg, I told you were I was going, I couldn't wait any longer'

No. Absolutely not. Never.

@Pippi1970

Why didn't she go at lunch? My dd and her friends do this, noone goes in a lesson unless they've had some kind of accident.

the OP says 'In this case it was 5 minutes after lunch because that is when she came on.'

Argh this annoys me so much!!! Our school won’t let pupils fo to the damn toilet EVER. They are year 7s and some are getting used to high school and it’s pathetic rules and some just started periods. I’m sick to death of teachers not letting the children use the toilet!!! No wonder IBS and UTIs are rife. My daughter had to tell her teacher the period issue as it came on in class. It’s awful because teachers won’t let you walk up to the teacher! You have to put your hand and speak from your seat. I’m sick of this nazi regime. Have some sympathy ffs. They’re not naughty year 10s! They’re 11 years old.

Jesus there are some idiots in here. Toilets are a basic right, I had a really bad flow, so bad that in the end I left school at 14 because after bleeding through to my skirt twice I was subjected to constant bullying, being denied being able to go to the loo when I needed to because some kids took the pi** was the last straw.
Sorry, but school is not the be all and end all in life, calling a kid difficult because she asked to go to the loo and didn't or couldn't go in a preferred time frame, how bloody absurd!

YANBU

I feel like it doesn't matter if it was a false alarm or not, it is the school's duty to allow the child to go and change her pad if need be or whatever else consists of dealing with one's menstrual cycle. End of.