Random-man comments

[OldieButaGoodie]

Wish me luck - I'm going to HR when I get into work tomorrow about a man who works for the same Company, but I don't know him and never had a conversation with him. The other day in the office, I was in the open-plan kitchen which is a bit of a thoroughfare and I was pouring myself a glass of iced coffee from a container I bought in from home. Minding my own business and he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion!

I know this topic has been mentioned before, where random men think it's ok to comment on what women are eating/drinking/wearing/etc etc etc. No, it's not.

I've had to scroll through the staff list photos to work out who he is, but it was so fleeting, that I'm going on the hunt tomorrow to ensure it's who I think it is. If it's this dickhead, he's old enough to know better than to speak to women like that - and we work in the public sector and this stuff is drummed into us all the time.

He picked the wrong person to insult - and I'm waiting for the excuses - - - you took it the wrong way - - - you don't have a sense of humour - - - I didn't mean anything by it - - - and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..

@sillysmiles there's no place for a comment that could be construed at a jab at someone's weight in the workplace. It wasn't friendly banter between colleagues, she didn't know the man at all, so it's just bloody weird, and rude.

Perhaps if people kept their trap shut rather than making inane comments about people's food and drink choices, there wouldn't be any offence to find.

Yes but if the man (and we have no way of knowing his intentions) didn't mean it as a comment about weight, it is possible/probably that he wouldn't consider that it could be heard that way?

If he meant it is x way, why would it even occur to him that OP could hear it in y way.

We can choose to be offended. So why would you. When the evidence is so ambiguous as to his meaning - why would you choose to be offended?

If he had said - "there's a load of calories in that coffee - with your belly you should drink green tea" that would be offensive. What the OP has written - imo not offensive.

Get a bloody grip crazy person

First time in ages that I've actually laughed out loud at an opening post. Thanks, OP.

If it makes the stupid old wind bag think twice before he opens his pie hole then you are doing good. YANBU. Well done you.

God men are getting a hard time lately

[quote CecilieRose]@sillysmiles A comment with could be construed as a jab at someone's weight is of course insulting and offensive. I can't believe so many people here don't understand how devastating it could be for someone with a history of eating disorders to be on the receiving end of a 'joke' about what they're eating. At worst, you could really hurt someone. At best, it's a pointless, inane comment with no value.

How can people just not see that it's completely inappropriate to comment on a stranger's food/drink choices? Is it a lack of empathy? Intelligence?[/quote]
Can’t we just go back to the 00’s where people weren’t offended by every single thing. “What if they have an eating disorder” blah blah. What if ANYTHING could be said about ANYTHING ffs.

Never, ever seen a man telling another man he should be eating or drinking something healthier.
I'm a man and for the most part it's not the sort of comment I'd be inclined to remember, but I've certainly had male colleagues tell me I shouldn't drink energy drinks, and in the last month or so I've had a female colleague tell me I shouldn't be getting sandwiches from the convenience store because they're 'full of crap'. I don't think its particularly unusual for men or women to make passing comments on what men eat or drink.

@sillysmiles

Yes but if the man (and we have no way of knowing his intentions) didn't mean it as a comment about weight, it is possible/probably that he wouldn't consider that it could be heard that way?

If he meant it is x way, why would it even occur to him that OP could hear it in y way.

We can choose to be offended. So why would you. When the evidence is so ambiguous as to his meaning - why would you choose to be offended?

If he had said - "there's a load of calories in that coffee - with your belly you should drink green tea" that would be offensive. What the OP has written - imo not offensive.

So what did he mean by it? What possible good intention could there be from telling an adult woman stranger she should be drinking a different drink?

I wonder what planet you live on, because on mine that is not an acceptable comment to someone you don't know. It's at best rude, and worst offensive.

Again, what is the need to comment on people's food or drinks? Perhaps you people who clearly do it could explain the thinking behind it because I truly don't get it.

There are certain posts that are so ridiculous, illogical and unbelievably petty that they get spoken about outside of Mumsnet... and this is one of them.

What was the insult?

You are a mad scone.

So what did he mean by it? What possible good intention could there be from telling an adult woman stranger she should be drinking a different drink?
Some people are just bores when it comes to healthy eating/drinking. A woman in one of my previous jobs went on a sugarfree diet and suddenly became the office sugar police - and full of unsolicited 'interesting' information.

He could simply be a strong believer in the benefits of green tea. There's a lot if people who are.

What was the insult?

He insulted her choice of tea.

It's the sort of "insult" that men make to other men constantly, I think sometimes because they feel the need to say something rather than nothing.

It's a throwaway comment that should have rightly been forgotten seconds after it was uttered.

*So what did he mean by it? What possible good intention could there be from telling an adult woman stranger she should be drinking a different drink?

I wonder what planet you live on, because on mine that is not an acceptable comment to someone you don't know. It's at best rude, and worst offensive.

Again, what is the need to comment on people's food or drinks? Perhaps you people who clearly do it could explain the thinking behind it because I truly don't get it.*

I've no idea what he meant. I wasn't there. But in my world people talk to work colleagues in passing all the time. I may not know their name - but people have said things like - "definitely a coffee day" when pouring coffee from the pot. Or commented when my chocolate got stuck in the vending machine. Or people have commented "that smells good" when someone heated up leftovers in the microwave.
These, in my world, are called normal social interactions with other adults in my work place.

@sillysmiles

*So what did he mean by it? What possible good intention could there be from telling an adult woman stranger she should be drinking a different drink?

I wonder what planet you live on, because on mine that is not an acceptable comment to someone you don't know. It's at best rude, and worst offensive.

Again, what is the need to comment on people's food or drinks? Perhaps you people who clearly do it could explain the thinking behind it because I truly don't get it.*

I've no idea what he meant. I wasn't there. But in my world people talk to work colleagues in passing all the time. I may not know their name - but people have said things like - "definitely a coffee day" when pouring coffee from the pot. Or commented when my chocolate got stuck in the vending machine. Or people have commented "that smells good" when someone heated up leftovers in the microwave.
These, in my world, are called normal social interactions with other adults in my work place.

'Normal social interactions' in your world are completely inane, pointless comments and statements of the obvious uttered by people to fill silence, which have no real benefit whatsoever?

And they say us autistics are weird.

@MaryMcCarthy

What was the insult?

He insulted her choice of tea.

It's the sort of "insult" that men make to other men constantly, I think sometimes because they feel the need to say something rather than nothing.

It's a throwaway comment that should have rightly been forgotten seconds after it was uttered.

I do ask myself what's wrong with saying 'good morning' and cheerfully wishing someone a good day rather than negging their choice of beverage. Perhaps I'm just old fashioned.

@CecilieRose most small talk is inane. Who wants to get into a conversation about world politics while passing through the kitchen to make a coffee. I'm not sure why you are finding it so hard to understand just random chatter.

YABU

I wouldn't go to Human Remains about this non event. Unless the director is a power crazed Umbridge clone. In which case she might start a Reign of Open Plan Terror. But remember : the Revolution devours its own children!

If your place of work has a human remains department I'm bloody glad I don't work there.

So odd.

Normal social interactions' in your world are completely inane, pointless comments and statements of the obvious uttered by people to fill silence, which have no real benefit whatsoever?

It is usually inane 'pointless' small talk that breaks the ice between strangers in the workplace that allow friendships.to develop.

Are you Vulcan?

Again, what is the need to comment on people's food or drinks? Perhaps you people who clearly do it could explain the thinking behind it because I truly don't get it.

It's the same kind of inane pointless chat you have at work with people you don't know, so you're talking about something, even if it's just the fucking weather you can both see out the window.

And I don't think it's particularly a sign of the times that someone would find offense with this I can remember socially awkward and inept people all my life