Random-man comments

[OldieButaGoodie]

Wish me luck - I'm going to HR when I get into work tomorrow about a man who works for the same Company, but I don't know him and never had a conversation with him. The other day in the office, I was in the open-plan kitchen which is a bit of a thoroughfare and I was pouring myself a glass of iced coffee from a container I bought in from home. Minding my own business and he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion!

I know this topic has been mentioned before, where random men think it's ok to comment on what women are eating/drinking/wearing/etc etc etc. No, it's not.

I've had to scroll through the staff list photos to work out who he is, but it was so fleeting, that I'm going on the hunt tomorrow to ensure it's who I think it is. If it's this dickhead, he's old enough to know better than to speak to women like that - and we work in the public sector and this stuff is drummed into us all the time.

He picked the wrong person to insult - and I'm waiting for the excuses - - - you took it the wrong way - - - you don't have a sense of humour - - - I didn't mean anything by it - - - and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..

Get a grip

This has to be a joke? If you’re genuinely going to go to HR because someone made a joke with you, you’re going to make yourself the talk and laughing stock of your work place.

There’s folk dying in the world and you’re offended by a comment about green tea…..

@TableFlowerss

This has to be a joke? If you’re genuinely going to go to HR because someone made a joke with you, you’re going to make yourself the talk and laughing stock of your work place.

There’s folk dying in the world and you’re offended by a comment about green tea…..

She's offended by a man having the audacity to tell a grown woman what she should and shouldn't be drinking.

Agree it's not an HR issue but I wouldn't be pleased about it.

Never, ever seen a man telling another man he should be eating or drinking something healthier.

That is very specific.

How about unsolicited advice on other topics?

**She's offended by a man having the audacity to tell a grown woman what she should and shouldn't be drinking.

Agree it's not an HR issue but I wouldn't be pleased about it**

He was having a joke, being friend, thought it was funny. If it was a woman would she be offended?….

We’re going to end up in a world where people won’t speak to anyone for fear of being reprimanded.

‘He asked if you’re having a good day?’ How dare he assume you’re not….

‘He said it’s nice weather’…. Does he think you fancy him, how dare he?

Absolutely ridiculous and people championing OP are just going to create hostile environments where we’re all just like robots and don’t interact.

@CecilieRose

This is the kind of shit you deal with not HR.

I don’t think this is a joke. I can imagine some posters thinking it.

@TableFlowerss

**She's offended by a man having the audacity to tell a grown woman what she should and shouldn't be drinking.

Agree it's not an HR issue but I wouldn't be pleased about it**

He was having a joke, being friend, thought it was funny. If it was a woman would she be offended?….

We’re going to end up in a world where people won’t speak to anyone for fear of being reprimanded.

‘He asked if you’re having a good day?’ How dare he assume you’re not….

‘He said it’s nice weather’…. Does he think you fancy him, how dare he?

Absolutely ridiculous and people championing OP are just going to create hostile environments where we’re all just like robots and don’t interact.

But it wasn't a joke. OP wasn't laughing.

Your stupid logic is the same one men use to justify groping and harassing women. 'God can't even say hello to a woman these days'.

Sorry if the only way you manage to interact with people is by forcing unwanted commentary about their food choices, but the people I associate with are much more emotionally intelligent than that.

Annoying yes if you're that way inclined, though I personally couldn't get bent out of shape over this as a random 1 off comment.

Taking it to HR will make you a laughing stock, a whiner & any genuine grievances in future won't be given any weight as they'll blame you for being over sensitive as you are in this instance.

and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..

Had you had too much coffee this morning? Been working yourself up about it all weekend.

Because you have gone from the above, to "oh guess I was wrong" really quickly.

Though, tbf, sounding off MN is the better option than going to HR on this occasion

Christ, the HR department must think they're dealing with a nursery.

@notacooldad

It's funny how they never, ever do it to men, isn't it? They assume other men are capable of making their own decisions and have their reasons for their actions, but us silly little air brained women need their help and advice about something as trivial as a breakfast drink. But they do. It's more, I can't think of the right word but rugged or robust is the best I can come with.

'What are you drinking that shit for you poncy git' is a typical example of things I've heard between blokes.

I agree that they do and so do women. I have a couple of militantly healthy colleagues (one male, one female) who are forever commenting on people's food and drink choices, and trying to sell them on things that they believe are better for them. The other day the male one was telling the man who came to fix the window that he shouldn't drink energy drinks.

A long time ago I was in a cafe and the bloke on the next table asked if I still wanted the sugar bowl and if not could he have it!!!

Bloody cheek, what was he insinuating - that women just ate sugar, I suppose.

I needed a laugh today.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

A long time ago I was in a cafe and the bloke on the next table asked if I still wanted the sugar bowl and if not could he have it!!!

Bloody cheek, what was he insinuating - that women just ate sugar, I suppose.

Yeah, because someone asking for sugar so they can use it is exactly the same as an unsolicited, rude comment telling a complete stranger what they should be drinking. A comment which could easily be taken as a jab about weight or appearance, which anyone with half a brain would know not to make.

Honestly, does anyone have any capability for logical thought on here?

I dont get what is insulting about recommending a drink

Honestly, does anyone have any capability for logical thought on here?

Nor understanding of sarcasm either it seems

**But it wasn't a joke. OP wasn't laughing.

Your stupid logic is the same one men use to justify groping and harassing women. 'God can't even say hello to a woman these days'.

Sorry if the only way you manage to interact with people is by forcing unwanted commentary about their food choices, but the people I associate with are much more emotionally intelligent than that**

@CecilieRose

Being offended is subjective. She took it a particular way and clearly you would. It’s apparent by this thread, however that you’re in the minority.

It wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t intimidating. He could have simply meant that every man and his dog these days drinks green tea. My DH drinks it, I don’t, so it’s not necessary something specific to women.

Again, she’s decided it is offensive and you agree. As most people don’t agree with you on here, I would suggest you’re the ones with the OTT reactions and you’re choosing to be offended.

As I said, joy snatchers from an insignificant comment ….

To add - it’s nothing to do with groping or harassing a women and comparing the two is ludicrous

he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion!

This is what you wrote in your OP, and this is what you should have said at the time! Mate, I didn't ask for, nor do I care about, your opinion. Job done. Going to HR will make you look like a loon, and will undermine your point in the exact way you don't want - ie that women can't take a joke and overreact about everything.

I totally agree that this is the sort of twatty thing that some men say to women (and never to other men), and that once you've experienced it a few times it can really begin to give you the rage (disproportionately to the annoyingness of the individual comment).

I do think that (situation permitting, and if it feels safe to do so etc) we need to give robust and withering replies to these twerps. HR definitely overkill unless it's persistent though.

Only men do it? What!
You should hear my friend (overweight woman) lecturing anyone in earshot about the perils of not being a vegetarian. She saves a special condemnatory tone for my DH.
We are steadily disconnecting from her.

You sound an absolute looney toon OP.
You have no idea if he'd have said something to a man, you're just assuming.

Maybe next time try and confront him in person instead of expecting HR to deal with this type of chickenshit.

I had a can of red bull at an old office job. A colleague said "you shouldn't drink that stuff, it's bad for you". I think I said "I know" and smiled.

The very concept that I could imply actual professional offence from this at the "audacity" of someone commenting on my choice of drink?

HR will hear your out. Only because they have too. The comments about you once you've left that meeting room though, and they are discussing you? Quite the opposite to the stance you think you're making.

You are making beyond a fool of yourself and will have done much more damage to your own reputation and how you are seen in the work place.

But you feel absolute and justified. So, please, shoot yourself in the foot. Let's hope you don't need HR for a real reason in the future. Because they aren't going to take you seriously after this.