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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Random-man comments

234 replies

OldieButaGoodie · 15/11/2021 05:40

Wish me luck - I'm going to HR when I get into work tomorrow about a man who works for the same Company, but I don't know him and never had a conversation with him. The other day in the office, I was in the open-plan kitchen which is a bit of a thoroughfare and I was pouring myself a glass of iced coffee from a container I bought in from home. Minding my own business and he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion! Angry

I know this topic has been mentioned before, where random men think it's ok to comment on what women are eating/drinking/wearing/etc etc etc. No, it's not.

I've had to scroll through the staff list photos to work out who he is, but it was so fleeting, that I'm going on the hunt tomorrow to ensure it's who I think it is. If it's this dickhead, he's old enough to know better than to speak to women like that - and we work in the public sector and this stuff is drummed into us all the time.

He picked the wrong person to insult - and I'm waiting for the excuses - - - you took it the wrong way - - - you don't have a sense of humour - - - I didn't mean anything by it - - - and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..Grin

OP posts:
CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 12:37

@MollysDolly

I had a can of red bull at an old office job. A colleague said "you shouldn't drink that stuff, it's bad for you". I think I said "I know" and smiled.

The very concept that I could imply actual professional offence from this at the "audacity" of someone commenting on my choice of drink?

HR will hear your out. Only because they have too. The comments about you once you've left that meeting room though, and they are discussing you? Quite the opposite to the stance you think you're making.

You are making beyond a fool of yourself and will have done much more damage to your own reputation and how you are seen in the work place.

But you feel absolute and justified. So, please, shoot yourself in the foot. Let's hope you don't need HR for a real reason in the future. Because they aren't going to take you seriously after this.

Well good for you that you don't mind being patronised by someone who doesn't trust you to make your own decisions. Some of us were over it years ago.
MollysDolly · 15/11/2021 12:41
Grin

They weren't patronising me at all. No different to saying "that cigarette isn't healthy". They "don't trust me to make my own decisions" because they make a throw away comment on my drink. That's as hilarious as this "I'm going to HR" that OP is doing.

Pretending I've been "patronised" and involving HR achieves one thing. Making a total prat out of myself.

CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 12:47

@MollysDolly

Grin

They weren't patronising me at all. No different to saying "that cigarette isn't healthy". They "don't trust me to make my own decisions" because they make a throw away comment on my drink. That's as hilarious as this "I'm going to HR" that OP is doing.

Pretending I've been "patronised" and involving HR achieves one thing. Making a total prat out of myself.

I'm really fucking glad I don't work with you or any of the empty brainers you seem to work with if that's what qualifies as funny banter where you are.

Oh Red Bull and cigarettes are unhealthy! Har Har! Who knew? Hilarious! Imagine feeling the need to say something so inane and pointless. Some people just love the sound of their own voice, I guess.

Genevie82 · 15/11/2021 12:49

This has got to be a joke surely op?.. yes it’s annoying when men make stupid comments but next time just say something witty back ?! .. no need to go to these lengths, am actually feeling sorry for this bloke..

Porcupineintherough · 15/11/2021 12:49

All those thinking that a man would never say something like this to other men need to come to one of my family gatherings and meet my BiL, the health and fitness bore...

Sharletonz · 15/11/2021 12:52

HR have actual real cases of bullying to deal with, you're taking their time away from that.

upaladderagain · 15/11/2021 12:53

Getting pissy over a random comment is the sort of thing that gives women with genuine grounds for complaint a bad name.
Give your head a wobble and stop being so ridiculous.

AramintaLee · 15/11/2021 13:00

Honestly I think YABU unless maybe you're East/South Asian and you felt he was saying it because of your background? In which case I'd consider it to be a case of racial stereotyping.

I still don't think I'd necessarily go to HR about it. Maybe just have a word with my Manager if I felt particularly hurt.

DillonPanthersTexas · 15/11/2021 13:02

HR will listen to you, nod sagely while taking notes before pissing themselves laughing after you leave.

5128gap · 15/11/2021 13:04

People who lecture others on their food and drink aren't thinking the person is incapable of making their own decisions. They generally aren't thinking about them at all. They just want an audience to pontificate to. Anyone who thinks they've given you enough headspace to decide that based on your gender this or that... is deluded. You might as well be the pot plant as long as they have a captive audience.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 15/11/2021 13:07

You're going to HR for this? Cringe.

Streetsigntonowhere · 15/11/2021 13:11

Absolutely pathetic OP.
Seriously, you need to get a life mate. If that has bothered you, you really really need a life.
He could easily have said the same to a guy. It’s hardly offensive. Honestly, this is the most pathetic thing I’ve read on MB in ages.

Streetsigntonowhere · 15/11/2021 13:11

MN*!

tabletennistop · 15/11/2021 13:17

Next time use the, ' Thank you for your comment, random man' response.

I love that. Makes it clear that they are doing something odd and unwelcome, without having to go into lengthy explanations.

Tavelo · 15/11/2021 14:06

Does he wear a tie? Tell him he should instead opt for a noose that is attached to a ligature point.

Fizzielove · 15/11/2021 14:08

I think my response to his comment would have been something along the lines of - did I ask for your opinion?

SVRT19674 · 15/11/2021 14:40

I am annoyed about stupid comments men and women make. And absolutely think you are overreacting in this case. Yes, HR, the guy actually had the AUDACITY to voice I should drink green tea and not coffee. The INSULT.
That will put you firmly into the category of attention seeker and they won´t take you seriously when you do have something legitimate to bring to their attention.
Pick your battles.

sillysmiles · 15/11/2021 15:04

@OldieButaGoodie

We’ll, looks like I’ve been told I’ve got it wrong. Advice taken.
But how is it insulting?

It may be irritating. but how is it offensive?

supremelybaffled · 15/11/2021 15:09

Actually OP, I don't think you are wrong at all, and it would have offended me too. What you are putting in your body is none of his sodding business.

What he said about not drinking something that looked high-calorie in favour of something obviously 'healthy' is in the same vein as someone telling you that you shouldn't be eating that cream cake, you should be having a salad - ie: an unfavourable remark about your food which could be construed as insinuating that you are overweight and need to go on a diet.

sillysmiles · 15/11/2021 15:11

@supremelybaffled . and it would have offended me too.

I get how it's annoying, but how is it offensive?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 15/11/2021 15:17

You sound unhinged. I hope I never work in an office with you tbh.

1forAll74 · 15/11/2021 15:28

You obviously don't know how to deal with comments from assorted men folk. You should have worked in offices in the 1960 era, like I did, and got to grips with dealing with men talk. Mostly we could give a good retort to comments, or just laugh at stupidity.

user1493494961 · 15/11/2021 15:30

You seem a sensitive soul.

CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 15:51

@sillysmiles A comment with could be construed as a jab at someone's weight is of course insulting and offensive. I can't believe so many people here don't understand how devastating it could be for someone with a history of eating disorders to be on the receiving end of a 'joke' about what they're eating. At worst, you could really hurt someone. At best, it's a pointless, inane comment with no value.

How can people just not see that it's completely inappropriate to comment on a stranger's food/drink choices? Is it a lack of empathy? Intelligence?

sillysmiles · 15/11/2021 16:09

@CecilieRose potentially it could be construed as a joke at someone's weight. But there is nothing in the OP's post to suggest that or to suggest that is why the OP found it offensive.

Maybe it's a Monday thing (for me) but I find the rush to find offense in everything tiring and wearing.