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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random-man comments

234 replies

OldieButaGoodie · 15/11/2021 05:40

Wish me luck - I'm going to HR when I get into work tomorrow about a man who works for the same Company, but I don't know him and never had a conversation with him. The other day in the office, I was in the open-plan kitchen which is a bit of a thoroughfare and I was pouring myself a glass of iced coffee from a container I bought in from home. Minding my own business and he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion! Angry

I know this topic has been mentioned before, where random men think it's ok to comment on what women are eating/drinking/wearing/etc etc etc. No, it's not.

I've had to scroll through the staff list photos to work out who he is, but it was so fleeting, that I'm going on the hunt tomorrow to ensure it's who I think it is. If it's this dickhead, he's old enough to know better than to speak to women like that - and we work in the public sector and this stuff is drummed into us all the time.

He picked the wrong person to insult - and I'm waiting for the excuses - - - you took it the wrong way - - - you don't have a sense of humour - - - I didn't mean anything by it - - - and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..Grin

OP posts:
MrsToothyBitch · 15/11/2021 09:56

It is annoying but an HR trip is overkill. Just get a stock collection of polite sounding but pointed replies. I find a cheery "thank you for your unsolicited opinion" works well on gobshites.

shakingmytambourineatyou · 15/11/2021 09:56

You don't need HR. You need a sad faced photo in the Daily Mail.

notacooldad · 15/11/2021 09:57

you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea"
Possible reactions
Ignore and pretend you haven't heard
Say :
' whys that then?'
'No, I don't like green tea
'What's it got to do with you?'
'Eh? Who asked you'
Or
Take it as a personal insult and that's is that!!

Even if it is a troll thread there are people out there that are bonkers enough to act like this. God knows we come across enough in our council!

Gin4thewin4 · 15/11/2021 09:57

You say you have never spoke to him before....

Maybe he was trying to actually start a conversation with you. He has went the wrong way about it but I doubt he meant it any other way than harmless.

gindreams · 15/11/2021 10:03

HR might suspect you have to be rather too much time on your hands

neededafart · 15/11/2021 10:09

The most nothingy complaint ever,.

Lighten up, have a bit of banter and you might find life a little more enjoyable

user474882990 · 15/11/2021 10:16

Print out his comment and hang it all around the kitchen

“you should be drinking green tea” - name

user474882990 · 15/11/2021 10:16

@neededafart

The most nothingy complaint ever,.

Lighten up, have a bit of banter and you might find life a little more enjoyable

And you should shut up (don’t worry what I said is just banter)
BonesInTheOcean · 15/11/2021 10:19

@TheAverageUser

This has to be a wind up. There was nothing insulting there and if you found it insulting tell him and don't be such a child.
well I thought this, but OP has had this issue before back in February last year?

@OldieButaGoodie Tue 11-Feb-20 03:50:37
^Hot day - I made myself an iced coffee using SKIM milk in the office - resident knob made a comment "should you be drinking that??" - my reply "says you who stinks from just having a fag outside!"
He actually replied "I don't smoke any more - it's an e-cigarette" - yeah, you keep telling yourself that, buddy. hmm^

The world is full of CF's

CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 10:20

@Jabvribt

I do get it as it’s always bloody men who think they can comment on what women do and yes they need to be told it’s none of their business but I’m not sure you’re going to get very far with this in HR
It's funny how they never, ever do it to men, isn't it? They assume other men are capable of making their own decisions and have their reasons for their actions, but us silly little air brained women need their help and advice about something as trivial as a breakfast drink.
notacooldad · 15/11/2021 10:27

It's funny how they never, ever do it to men, isn't it? They assume other men are capable of making their own decisions and have their reasons for their actions, but us silly little air brained women need their help and advice about something as trivial as a breakfast drink.
But they do.
It's more, I can't think of the right word but rugged or robust is the best I can come with.

'What are you drinking that shit for you poncy git' is a typical example of things I've heard between blokes.

CSIblonde · 15/11/2021 10:27

It was obviously a crack handed attempt at smalltalk to me. Unless the tone was stern & Teacherish ? I'd have laughed & said "I know" because I don't 'do' healthy drinks at work. I run on coffee & find fruit teas etc don't taste of anything .

Original poster
OldieButaGoodie · 15/11/2021 10:30

We’ll, looks like I’ve been told I’ve got it wrong. Advice taken.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/11/2021 10:32

The perfect comment was suggested on here before “thanks for your input, random man”

Lightswitch123 · 15/11/2021 10:39

You sound a bit unhinged tbh Confused

coogee · 15/11/2021 10:44

It's funny how they never, ever do it to men, isn't it?

Have you ever worked in a place with men in it?

SaturdaySummer · 15/11/2021 10:48

@OldieButaGoodie

Wish me luck - I'm going to HR when I get into work tomorrow about a man who works for the same Company, but I don't know him and never had a conversation with him. The other day in the office, I was in the open-plan kitchen which is a bit of a thoroughfare and I was pouring myself a glass of iced coffee from a container I bought in from home. Minding my own business and he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion! Angry

I know this topic has been mentioned before, where random men think it's ok to comment on what women are eating/drinking/wearing/etc etc etc. No, it's not.

I've had to scroll through the staff list photos to work out who he is, but it was so fleeting, that I'm going on the hunt tomorrow to ensure it's who I think it is. If it's this dickhead, he's old enough to know better than to speak to women like that - and we work in the public sector and this stuff is drummed into us all the time.

He picked the wrong person to insult - and I'm waiting for the excuses - - - you took it the wrong way - - - you don't have a sense of humour - - - I didn't mean anything by it - - - and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..Grin

It's not for anyone to comment on other people a choices but I would have spoken to him at the time. HR are not going to be interested in this, I really don't know what you think they could do? He hasn't broken any laws/rules/policies as far as I'm aware. Sounds unlikely you will even have any further interaction with him. You will likely flag yourself up to HR as someone who makes petty complaints which could undermine anything you report in future - I manage a team of 15 but work within a huge organisation and HR always have a list of people who commonly complain about non-events.
Constellationstation · 15/11/2021 10:53

@coogee

It's funny how they never, ever do it to men, isn't it?

Have you ever worked in a place with men in it?

😆 exactly @coogee
CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 10:54

@notacooldad

It's funny how they never, ever do it to men, isn't it? They assume other men are capable of making their own decisions and have their reasons for their actions, but us silly little air brained women need their help and advice about something as trivial as a breakfast drink. But they do. It's more, I can't think of the right word but rugged or robust is the best I can come with.

'What are you drinking that shit for you poncy git' is a typical example of things I've heard between blokes.

It's not quite the same though, is it? There's no paternalistic tone and implication the man doesn't know what he's doing.
CecilieRose · 15/11/2021 10:56

@coogee

It's funny how they never, ever do it to men, isn't it?

Have you ever worked in a place with men in it?

Yes, I work in a male dominated industry. Never, ever seen a man telling another man he should be eating or drinking something healthier. Slagging their food or drink choices as banter? Yes. But it's not the same, is it? There's no implication that the poor stupid man needs educating.

And comments from men to women involving food/drinks can also often be a neg about the women's weight. It's totally inappropriate to comment.

Notonthenewrug · 15/11/2021 10:56

Wow. HR for a comment about green tea.

Comedycook · 15/11/2021 11:00

Just out of interest...if a woman had said this to you, would you want to report her?

notacooldad · 15/11/2021 11:00

It's not quite the same though, is it? There's no paternalistic tone and implication the man doesn't know what he's doing
That is true but it is toxic in a different way. As if you are less of a man because you prefer something different and the bloke that has chosen 'the poncy choice' never hears the end of it and is subject to ridicule.

Generally I think there just people in general that think they have a right to comment on personal choices, both men and women and they are all annoying!

TableFlowerss · 15/11/2021 11:16

HE will laugh at you behind your back

TableFlowerss · 15/11/2021 11:16

HR

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