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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random-man comments

234 replies

OldieButaGoodie · 15/11/2021 05:40

Wish me luck - I'm going to HR when I get into work tomorrow about a man who works for the same Company, but I don't know him and never had a conversation with him. The other day in the office, I was in the open-plan kitchen which is a bit of a thoroughfare and I was pouring myself a glass of iced coffee from a container I bought in from home. Minding my own business and he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion! Angry

I know this topic has been mentioned before, where random men think it's ok to comment on what women are eating/drinking/wearing/etc etc etc. No, it's not.

I've had to scroll through the staff list photos to work out who he is, but it was so fleeting, that I'm going on the hunt tomorrow to ensure it's who I think it is. If it's this dickhead, he's old enough to know better than to speak to women like that - and we work in the public sector and this stuff is drummed into us all the time.

He picked the wrong person to insult - and I'm waiting for the excuses - - - you took it the wrong way - - - you don't have a sense of humour - - - I didn't mean anything by it - - - and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..Grin

OP posts:
TeeTotaller1 · 15/11/2021 08:45

Could you not have just replied 'and you should mind your own business' .... simple really

Slight overreaction there OP Confused

Wagglerock · 15/11/2021 08:47

Has all the iced coffee made you paranoid?

notacooldad · 15/11/2021 08:48

A woman would never make this comment
Don't be so sure about that.
I can provide loads of examples where a woman has stuck her beak in to my or my friends buisness without us wanting her opinion.
Last time it happened was on the prom in Blackpool and a woman we hadn't met before started telling my friend what she should do about her bike and started touching it.

She was quickly told to do one!

I met a woman on a multi team meeting a year ago and was commenting on what I was drinking and suggested that I would be better with ( a certain brand). I can't remember the brand but it was a MLM and something that has all the vitamins and aminos that you need in a tablet or shake form. Of course she was flogging it for about 30 quid a month.

girlmom21 · 15/11/2021 08:49

On the off-chance it isn't a wind up,

Credenhill22 · 15/11/2021 08:51

I take it you are just out on a weekend pass

girlmom21 · 15/11/2021 08:52

Posted too soon - on the off chance this isn't a wind up, if you go to HR with nonsense like this theyll not take you'd seriously when you actually have a problem and will wonder whether people are ganging up on this man if someone else has an issue with him.

It's hard enough for them to do anything about a "he said/she said" conversation even if it is bad enough for someone to be reprimanded for because there's no evidence.

PieMistee · 15/11/2021 08:52

God people have very little to worry about. I am very much a supporter of challenging everyday sexism. But am struggling to see this here. He probably thought he was being funny, though he wasn't. He didn't make a disparaging remark just a stupid one.

Aposterhasnoname · 15/11/2021 08:54

I’m the first to rage about random men telling women what they can and can’t do, but even I think you’re going over the top here. HR will think you’ve lost the plot.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 15/11/2021 08:59

Is this a joke?

GingerBeverage · 15/11/2021 09:03

"Green tea gives me the runs."

x2boys · 15/11/2021 09:04

Are you even sure he was talking to you ,if the kitchen is a thoroughfare ?
Not sure what you expect to happen .

NotSorry · 15/11/2021 09:04

Of course this is a joke - OP is clearly trying to get the posters of mumsnet frothing

TheAverageUser · 15/11/2021 09:05

This has to be a wind up. There was nothing insulting there and if you found it insulting tell him and don't be such a child.

Nyxly · 15/11/2021 09:07

It reads like it's that poster that comes and posts a long winding letter of complaint that have, apparently, written.

Like the time they told the head teacher they were going to sue them (personally) and the school, if their child's class closed again due to covid.

Onatree · 15/11/2021 09:11

I heart a good ol' windup fred

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 15/11/2021 09:13

@OldieButaGoodie

Wish me luck - I'm going to HR when I get into work tomorrow about a man who works for the same Company, but I don't know him and never had a conversation with him. The other day in the office, I was in the open-plan kitchen which is a bit of a thoroughfare and I was pouring myself a glass of iced coffee from a container I bought in from home. Minding my own business and he pipes up, as he's walking past "you shouldn't be drinking that - you should be drinking green tea".. FFS mate, didn't ask for, and don't care about, your opinion! Angry

I know this topic has been mentioned before, where random men think it's ok to comment on what women are eating/drinking/wearing/etc etc etc. No, it's not.

I've had to scroll through the staff list photos to work out who he is, but it was so fleeting, that I'm going on the hunt tomorrow to ensure it's who I think it is. If it's this dickhead, he's old enough to know better than to speak to women like that - and we work in the public sector and this stuff is drummed into us all the time.

He picked the wrong person to insult - and I'm waiting for the excuses - - - you took it the wrong way - - - you don't have a sense of humour - - - I didn't mean anything by it - - - and yeah, none of them is going to cut it with me. He insulted me and there's no changing it with pissy excuses.

So, I suppose I'm not really asking if I'm being unreasonable..Grin

Unless there is a huge back story, you risk coming across as a total loon!
Mamamia7962 · 15/11/2021 09:15

How on earth was that an insult? I would have just laughed and said " Yes I know more people are switching to green tea now, and I don't mind the odd cup but I prefer coffee in the mornings."

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 15/11/2021 09:15

@Jabvribt

I do get it as it’s always bloody men who think they can comment on what women do and yes they need to be told it’s none of their business but I’m not sure you’re going to get very far with this in HR
Actually, in an office environment, I have tended to find its women who comment on what other women east / drink
Constellationstation · 15/11/2021 09:19

Just here to see if this thread gets deleted

gettingolderbutcooler · 15/11/2021 09:22

You sound great fun to work with.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 15/11/2021 09:26

@Wagglerock

Has all the iced coffee made you paranoid?
Quite possibly- I think OP needs to drink some green tea 😉
Spidey66 · 15/11/2021 09:26

Talk about easily offended!

Total overreaction.

MrsBungle · 15/11/2021 09:33

What do you (realistically) think HR will do about it?

ElftonWednesday · 15/11/2021 09:35

There's a good meme going round which would make a great reply.

Sure, by drinking green tea instead of coffee I could lose up to 87% of what little joy is left in my life.

LampLighter414 · 15/11/2021 09:51

I wonder if this type of complaint is a first time for OP. If they decide to go ahead with it, I can't imagine much will come of a single comment.

If they were in private sector and this kind of complaint was common they'd be quietly managed into a dead end role I imagine. Luckily they're in public sector...