No set bedrooms?

[SouthernFashionista]

In a court case that is currently ongoing there was mention of a situation where individuals in a house had no set bed or bedroom and everyone just slept ‘wherever’. The thoughts of it bothered me. I think every child needs their own space. I know it’s clearly symptomatic of a chaotic household and lifestyle. Is this something many of you have come across? AIBU for being shocked?

When I left dh Court wanted to know dc had their own beds and space for personal belongings.. They could share a bedroom though. 3 boys.

Not everyone, but in my house I sleep wherever no one else is sleeping. No designated bedroom for me. Kids have tho

I hate the every child needs their own space, try living in a council house children are expected to share rooms

I’ve come across it with neglected children….
Or with adults who have had to give up their bedroom for their children as mentioned above but that’s a bit different

I do think every child needs their own bed

Yes but sharing bedrooms, completely normal in many families, doesn't mean children not having their own space: they have a bed, maybe shelves, drawers, storage under the bed . .

That was in response to TurnUpTurnip

As you say it shows that the household is generally chaotic. Ideally children need their own bed. Not necessarily their own room or anything, sharing bedrooms is sometimes necessary for siblings, but their own bed where they alone can sleep.

Their own space doesn’t mean own room. Just somewhere that is their sanctuary.

My child doesn't have a bed.... We cosleep didnt realise that was neglect 😑

It can be a sign of neglect of a child's emotional needs. However it can also just be a different cultural norm. It's not neglect by itself.

@TurnUpTurnip I don't think having own space is about own room. It is about have a space, a shelf, a draw setting which is for the child's belongings. Some sense of this is their home even if only a few nights a month. A sense of the child isn't just a guest but a member of thr household.

Plenty of children in private rented and owned homes share rooms.

I'd imagine my 7yo dts would love this. Sounds awful to me though, my beds my safe quiet place.

I have "my spot" on the sofa so yeah, weird not to have a set bed imo.

I hate the every child needs their own space, try living in a council house children are expected to share rooms

It has nothing to do with living in a council house. Many children share a room, whether privately owned, private rented or council. If the child has their own bed, shelf, drawer, wardrobe etc then they have their own space, and that is fine.

@TurnUpTurnip

My child doesn't have a bed.... We cosleep didnt realise that was neglect 😑

How old is your child?

On MN every child has their own room apparently yet most people I know in the real world their kids share.

My cousin’s children group up like this. 5 children, 2 bedrooms (excluding parents). There was a double under a single bunk in one room, and a double plus a triple single bunk in another. They went wherever they felt like it. There was nominally x & y’s room and a, b, c’s room. But nobody stuck to that. There was a bed each but choosing to share a double wasn’t unusual. Who slept where was based on current allegiance. Once all were above 10, and an extension added a 3rd kiss’s room, it became much more fixed, though it’s not usual for occasional “sleepovers” and permanent moves. Honestly, it is chaotic. But all are perfectly happy and very close to each other. They’ve all at times claimed space when they needed to. It wouldn’t be for me… but I’d need more that just that to condemn it.

@TurnUpTurnip are you actually reading anyone else’s posts? Everyone has said that kids don’t need their own room to have their own space. There’s a world of difference between children having their own bed and place to keep belongings in a shared room and sleeping in whatever bed is free.

It sounds odd but then we kind of do something similar I guess. My DH and I have our own room and bed obvs but our twin boys share a room, there are 2 beds in there and were 'assigned' one each but they swap between them depending how they feel and I've not done anything about it tbh cause I can't be arsed, it doesn't really matter.

I'm not sure which case this is referring to.

But a child not having their own bed and their own space eg a wardrobe/drawers, is a cause for concern.

It's not about co-sleeping or having to share a bedroom.

I have never know. A household like this, even when I worked as a social worker all the children I worked with had beds/mattresses that were theirs.

I just can’t envisage how this would work with kids, when they usually like to settle to bed in a familiar environment.

In what context was this mentioned it court.

For young children (under 2-3 ) I guess I could imagine they settle wherever parents are, but older children need their own areas, even if they’re shared.

Is it a cultural thing. I know it’s common for people to share in countries where poverty means people might share one room for a large family to live and sleep in.

@TurnUpTurnip

I hate the every child needs their own space, try living in a council house children are expected to share rooms

Their own room isn't needed or always practical but surely even sharing rooms a child would have their own bed and a few drawers for their clothes so their own space!

I grew up crammed in an overcrowded council house and still enjoyed decorating my chest of drawers and putting posters over my bed. I didn't have my own room but had a space I slept in every night and could personalise

It’ll have been one aspect of a much wider situation. My children sometimes play musical beds, I don’t do much about it as long as everyone is happy with whatever the arrangement is and everyone is sleeping reasonable hours. I don’t imagine social care could care less that my kids think it’s hilarious to swap rooms or share a bed occasionally.

Houses where a child just always sleeps wherever and whenever they drop, they don’t necessarily have clean sheets or a bed space per person, they don’t have a place to keep things etc are clearly more of a concern, but even then it’s going to depend on a range of factors.