No set bedrooms?

[SouthernFashionista]

In a court case that is currently ongoing there was mention of a situation where individuals in a house had no set bed or bedroom and everyone just slept ‘wherever’. The thoughts of it bothered me. I think every child needs their own space. I know it’s clearly symptomatic of a chaotic household and lifestyle. Is this something many of you have come across? AIBU for being shocked?

My child doesn't have a bed.... We cosleep didnt realise that was neglect

It's not about where they sleep it's about them having a choice. Having your own bed is a basic need. I co slept with my children but they had their own beds to go to if they wanted.

As a child I slept in a double bed with all my 5 sisters, all clothes were in a jumbled pile. Never a sliver of space or belongings to call our own. That's neglect.

My child.doesn't have their own bed

How will you know if your dc would want their own bed if they haven't got the option? Genuine ask..

How old is your child @TurnUpTurnip

I agree with you @nokidshere we co slept, but dc always had a clean bed of their own. It ought to be the child's choice really.

I have an autistic child who can't share a room but we are in a council house so no choice but for my daughters wellbeing she cannot share a room not everything is black and white my room has no space for an extra bed. She is 4.

@TurnUpTurnip

My child doesn't have a bed.... We cosleep didnt realise that was neglect 😑

Doesn’t that just mean your head is also their bed. So they do have a bed, they just share it with you.

That’s different to a child not having a regular sleep space.

It is very unusual in my experience, I do t know anyone who doesn’t have set bedrooms but it is probably one of the least shocking things in that case.

@TurnUpTurnip

On MN every child has their own room apparently yet most people I know in the real world their kids share.

That's not what they are talking about. Children are allowed to share rooms, dependent on age and sex.

My children shared a room. They chose to share despite having enough rooms for them to have one each. They were not neglected.

It's living in chaos with no space that is designed for them and no bed that they know is theirs. That is neglecting children's needs.

@TurnUpTurnip of course everything isn't always black and white.

But not having a bed can be a cause for concern.

In your situation you might be classed as overcrowded, but of course there is a shortage of social housing. Lots of families are having to cram into too small accommodation.

@TurnUpTurnip

I have an autistic child who can't share a room but we are in a council house so no choice but for my daughters wellbeing she cannot share a room not everything is black and white my room has no space for an extra bed. She is 4.

Living in a council house us not the issue you seem to think it is. I lived in council houses with my family until I left home. I had my own room for most, if not all of that time.

You should be eligible for a 2 bed property if you have a child.

@TurnUpTurnip that's hard for you and her I'm sure and, at 4, isn't really an issue, but it may well become one in the future if she decides she doesn't want to sleep with you. But I know plenty of children who do have their own rooms who still happily choose to sleep with a parent long past the age of 4.

I had a friend with three dd's that shared a room. They were all very close in age so shared clothes and toys too without any designated individual spaces. I think they had a few things of their own but most stuff was shared between them. They were not neglected in any way and seemed very happy with the situation other than the occassional squabble over toys etc that happens in any family.

@TurnUpTurnip

I have an autistic child who can't share a room but we are in a council house so no choice but for my daughters wellbeing she cannot share a room not everything is black and white my room has no space for an extra bed. She is 4.

Are you saying that you have two children and one can't share?

I know someone who lives like that and makes a point of boasting about it as yet another yawnmaking example of how amusingly boho, laidback, casual, non-materialistic they are. No daft fad left unturned.

@TurnUpTurnip

I hate the every child needs their own space, try living in a council house children are expected to share rooms

But each child's has there own bed. That's what the court means. In some families, children don't have a specific bed, or there isn't a bed each - they share or one sleeps on the floor or sofa. That's problematic.

@TurnUpTurnip

I hate the every child needs their own space, try living in a council house children are expected to share rooms

Children can still have their own space even when sharing bedrooms. It can be as little as drawer, a shelf, a box. Something or somewhere to put personal items.

@TurnUpTurnip
Are you saying that your child doesn't have the option to sleep in the same bed every night. Because that's the situation that I understood was up for discussion, you seem to be derailing the thread. Does your child change bedrooms?

@TurnUpTurnip

I have an autistic child who can't share a room but we are in a council house so no choice but for my daughters wellbeing she cannot share a room not everything is black and white my room has no space for an extra bed. She is 4.

Me too ,my eleven year old can't share a room with his brother as he has severe autism and learning disabilities and is up and down at night and would distract him ,he has his own part of my room with his own bed etc but usually settles with me or his Dad,this isn't neglect it's making the best of a difficult situation .

I'm derailing it? 😂 people keep commenting on my.post. I'm simply stating not everything is black and white and sometimes there are reasons why kids don't have their own bed. People are free to continue commenting on the original post rather than my com ment

Honestly I think that is mad. A child doesn't need a set bed or bedroom to be raised properly. This is a rather ignorant and first world problem if you ask me. Am I understanding it correctly a child could be taken away from a parent due to no set bed or bedroom? I find it very strange. Please excuse me if I have misunderstood

It's perfectly normal in some cultures, so that would need to be taken into account.

There’s a difference between something being neglect and something being a symptom of neglect.

There’s an awful lot of ‘musical beds’ that goes on in our house, but that is down to the DC and their sleeping preferences, not because we’ve neglected their needs.

I think we need more clarity from op.

Not having a place to sleep, or any safe/comfortable space is obviously different from sharing a room or do sleeping.

I don’t think conflating the two is useful.

@NoKnit

Honestly I think that is mad. A child doesn't need a set bed or bedroom to be raised properly. This is a rather ignorant and first world problem if you ask me. Am I understanding it correctly a child could be taken away from a parent due to no set bed or bedroom? I find it very strange. Please excuse me if I have misunderstood

If it forms part of a bigger picture.

It doesn't mean young children bed sharing.

I've only seen it in cases of severe child neglect and sexual abuse.

Children need a regular sleep space. Whether this is a parents bed, or their own. They need to know where the space is for them, not that they'll be turfed out regularly for someone else or forced to share with an older opposite sex relative etc.

@RaisinFlapjack has it right. None of it is an issue unless it's a symptom of something else. Given that the OP was referring to something she heard in court, it was probably part of a far wider picture.