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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that it's not ok to kick out a guest from a party

201 replies

OhSoBored2 · 14/11/2021 17:38

If a guess of one family member has a conflict with another family member but behaves generally in a civilized way, talking to other people. As soon as a small altercation occurs, that guest is told to that he's not welcome and to get out of the house while a group of people walking towards him pushing him to the door not even allowing him to pick up their coat from a room (the host went to get it).

AIBU to think that it's very exagerrated? What WOULD justify this reaction? A physical fight?

OP posts:
TravisFountain · 14/11/2021 20:08

Why do they dislike you?

AcrossthePond55 · 14/11/2021 20:08

@TatianaBis
"They seem to be related to her DH as well, and have some common friends."

I interpreted OPs statement that 'some people were related ' to her DH to mean that the relationship no longer existed, as in they were 'former' in-laws to the DH.

But either way, it appears that the OP, herself, does not have any real relationship with those particular guests. Or at least, she isn't as close to them as the ex-wife is.

Neither OP nor the ex have exactly covered themselves with glory in this situation. But the OP should have realized that she wasn't exactly on neutral territory.

ShowMeTheSugar · 14/11/2021 20:10

Its comes across to me as though maybe a sibling or cousin of the OPs partner is also good friends with his ex-wife. They hosted a party and the host's daughter invited OP as well.

In the OPs version: At the party the ex wife made a comment about needing permission to dance with the guy, the OP took offence and addressed it. She then spotted what she thought (knew?) was the ex wife speaking about her and and walked up to confront her. At that point she was abruptly ejected.

Seems unlikely she was the OW if the ex wife is "clingy" with him but that comment does suggest there's some jealousy/possessive type issues in the background. Also not clear why OP was confronting the ex wife at the same time she says she was in the act of leaving.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/11/2021 20:10

You weren't invited by the host. You knew the ex-wife would be there and it was highly likely there would be aggro between you. You know you would react to any comments she made and that others would in turn react to you.

Why on earth would you go and put yourself in that position? See your mutual friends somewhere else.

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2021 20:12

Why on earth would you go and put yourself in that position? See your mutual friends somewhere else

Becayse her partner was going and his ex was going to be there, so she wanted to go too so she could make sure he stayed away from his ex.

HalzTangz · 14/11/2021 20:13

Hy do they generally not like you, what's the back story there?

Kanaloa · 14/11/2021 20:17

@Bluntness100

Why on earth would you go and put yourself in that position? See your mutual friends somewhere else

Becayse her partner was going and his ex was going to be there, so she wanted to go too so she could make sure he stayed away from his ex.

OP doesn’t actually say the husband specifically was invited though - she says she was invited by someone’s daughter. Either the host or possibly her own stepdaughter? It’s all quite confusing and seems like it was setup to be a drama from the get go showing up at the home of someone you know dislikes you.
dapsnotplimsolls · 14/11/2021 20:19

@TravisFountain

Why do they dislike you?
They're jealous of her awesomeness.
YoBeaches · 14/11/2021 20:27

So the stepdaughter invited you? Was she the host? If not, you prob shouldn't have gone?

V confusing.

Mantlemoose · 14/11/2021 20:29

You were set up I think! Where was DH? Poor kids.

CSJobseeker · 14/11/2021 20:33

The host are [ex wife's] friends and I was personally invited by their daughter. And while the daughter loves me, they do generally dislike me and it's a long story.

This is the crux of it:

  • You weren't invited by the host.
  • You know that the host generally dislikes you.

You were lucky they even let you in in the first place.

It doesnt matter what the long story is, or whether their daughter/cousin/pet cactus supposedly invited you, you don't go to parties held by people who dislike you. And if you do go, you don't rise to any goading that may take place.

CustardySergeant · 14/11/2021 20:34

"So the man of the house run them and instead of telling people to calm down told me that I had to leave"

Apologies, but what does "the man of the house run them" mean?

Cocomarine · 14/11/2021 20:36

Anyone else hear banjos reading this?

CSJobseeker · 14/11/2021 20:37

So when the ex wife started telling about me (I clearly heard my name) I approached and she loudly told me that I'm not welcome.

Given that you hadn't actually been invited by the host, she was absolutely right wasn't she? Sounds factual to me - the only person who somehow hadn't twigged this was you.

MichelleScarn · 14/11/2021 20:39

The host are [ex wife's] friends and I was personally invited by their daughter. And while the daughter loves me,they do generally dislike meand it's a long story.

How olds the daughter and why does she love you?
Under 10 and you're the fun adult?
Youngish to older teen and you're the fun adult who provides illicit things?
Your peer group which is substantially younger than her parents and she likes drama?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/11/2021 20:40

It really does sound like you weren't welcome OP and the hosts didn't invite you and you probably knew that the ex wife would be there. I really don't know why you went.

Whether she was bitching about you or not, you really should have expected something to happen when you walked over there. I'd have chucked you out as well.

TatianaBis · 14/11/2021 20:47

[quote AcrossthePond55]@TatianaBis
"They seem to be related to her DH as well, and have some common friends."

I interpreted OPs statement that 'some people were related ' to her DH to mean that the relationship no longer existed, as in they were 'former' in-laws to the DH.

But either way, it appears that the OP, herself, does not have any real relationship with those particular guests. Or at least, she isn't as close to them as the ex-wife is.

Neither OP nor the ex have exactly covered themselves with glory in this situation. But the OP should have realized that she wasn't exactly on neutral territory.[/quote]
You think were related = past tense eg PIL, and perhaps GPs to his kids?

I read it as ex wife’s friends = relations of DH, which may be how they met and why he was invited. Otherwise why would they? Unless they were mutual friends of both DH and ex but sided with ex when push came to shove (literally).

TatianaBis · 14/11/2021 20:55

I’ve seen a comparable scenario - ex partners at same party with new partners. Host invited both pairs not realising one partner still had issue being in public with other as the divorce was mutual, no cheating involved and it was some considerable time later. But, this being a bourgeois setting, there was no altercation or pushing, one pair just walked out in a huff.

Hankunamatata · 14/11/2021 21:00

Why the hell would u go to party hosted by ex wife's friends? Doesnt matter who personally invite you. Disaster waiting to happen.

Ozanj · 14/11/2021 21:03

They’re her friends so they supported her in public but I bet even her invites will get scaled back now. Nobody normal likes to socialise with people who make scenes like this at other people’s houses - it’s probably obvious to everyone now she’s still panting over your DP. I would take the high ground and for their dd’s sake send some flowers round or something to say you were sorry for the inconvenience to them. Then never meet them again.

TractorAndHeadphones · 14/11/2021 21:04

@Ozanj

They’re her friends so they supported her in public but I bet even her invites will get scaled back now. Nobody normal likes to socialise with people who make scenes like this at other people’s houses - it’s probably obvious to everyone now she’s still panting over your DP. I would take the high ground and for their dd’s sake send some flowers round or something to say you were sorry for the inconvenience to them. Then never meet them again.
But it was everyone ELSE who made the scene by crowding the OP in. OP was already leaving, all she had to do was grab her coat and go. Even children don't stoop this low
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/11/2021 21:04

What has your husband said, are you
The OW?

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2021 21:07

@Ozanj

They’re her friends so they supported her in public but I bet even her invites will get scaled back now. Nobody normal likes to socialise with people who make scenes like this at other people’s houses - it’s probably obvious to everyone now she’s still panting over your DP. I would take the high ground and for their dd’s sake send some flowers round or something to say you were sorry for the inconvenience to them. Then never meet them again.
Nah.
Phrowzunn · 14/11/2021 21:26

I would also like to know if OP was originally the OW but I doubt she’d tell us honestly now…

Walkingalot · 14/11/2021 21:29

Another episode of Poirot that I'll never be able to work out.

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