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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that it's not ok to kick out a guest from a party

201 replies

OhSoBored2 · 14/11/2021 17:38

If a guess of one family member has a conflict with another family member but behaves generally in a civilized way, talking to other people. As soon as a small altercation occurs, that guest is told to that he's not welcome and to get out of the house while a group of people walking towards him pushing him to the door not even allowing him to pick up their coat from a room (the host went to get it).

AIBU to think that it's very exagerrated? What WOULD justify this reaction? A physical fight?

OP posts:
LoveGrooveDanceParty · 14/11/2021 19:27

She pushed your buttons and you gave her the immense satisfaction of reacting.

Why react?

Honestly, it would have been so much more polite, as a guest, just to nod, smile, seethe internally and then vent when you’d left.

It all sounds very childish.

steff13 · 14/11/2021 19:28

You shouldn't have gone to the party. I don't know why you would even want to go somewhere where people dislike you.

The host can eject any person for any reason he/she sees fit.

TatianaBis · 14/11/2021 19:28

@AcrossthePond55

I think I misunderstood. Was the person who invited you 'their' daughter as in the host's child? Did the host even know you were coming?

I probably wouldn't have gone to the party. But that's neither here nor there. The fact still remains that, invited or not, you were the 'outsider' and the ex-wife was the 'insider'.

They seem to be related to her DH as well, and have some common friends.
Butchyrestingface · 14/11/2021 19:30

I'd probably dislike you too if I had to listen to this convoluted bollox way of telling a story in the flesh (with added music and booze). Sorry. Grin

Kite22 · 14/11/2021 19:30

The answer is to stop hanging out with the ex, and not to go to parties if you know the host dislikes you (even if invited by the host's daughter)

This ^
Even though you are obviously putting the "story" from your side, you really are not coming off well in this.

mam0918 · 14/11/2021 19:31

I feel like there's something missing... were you the OW in the past or something?

It's virtually unheard of to have a whole group cling to hating you if you are just the innocent person they got with after the divorce. An ex-wife may be bitter to whoever he moves on with if the split was mutual but all the friends and family aren't going to continue a relationship with him and her then just hate you for no reason.

If everyone says you are an asshole then normally it turns out you are in fact an asshole rather than the whole world being unjustly against you.

TatianaBis · 14/11/2021 19:32

Honestly, it sounds like a bunch of skobies kicking off on all sides.

I wouldn’t have invited any of you.

FatCatThinCat · 14/11/2021 19:33

Why on earth would you rock up at a party hosted by friends/family of your husband's ex knowing full well that neither the ex. nor the hosts. actually like you? Why? I wouldn't have even let you in in the first place. Bonkers!

Gwenhwyfar · 14/11/2021 19:35

Physical fighting, extremely aggressive abusive behaviour like shouting in someone's face or hate speech like racism. Just having an argument doesn't justify it so on the face of it I agree with OP (haven't RTFT yet!).

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2021 19:36

Um what? Why would you possibly go to his ex wife’s friends party? Why did you need to be told you weren’t welcome and not know that before you even went, why would you go and correct the ex wife and not just leave it be?

Are you jealous of her. Is that it? I can’t imagine why you’d go to her friends party.

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2021 19:38

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

It sounds like your SD invited you to someone else's party. Is that right? That seems a very odd thing to do and certainly makes some more sense of why there was so much tension at this party.
It does sound like that, I can’t imagine why this was taken as a proper invite and why the op would go somewhere she’s not wanted then basically go and habe a go at the ex.

I mean you just say no, thr daughter was just being nice.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 14/11/2021 19:42

For gods sake you all sound like a bunch of children.

You went to a party where you knew there would be uncomfortable relationships. Instead of either declining or just keeping quiet you got into a confrontation with DHs ex which is never a good idea, especially in public, especially where there are kids present.

Popopopo · 14/11/2021 19:43

You went to a party your partner's ex wife was going to be at and that was being hosted by people that you know don't like you....? Hmm

Beautiful3 · 14/11/2021 19:46

It's down to the host, it's their house. Depends what was said and done. If the host is offended then they can ask that guest to leave.

littlebigtiger · 14/11/2021 19:46

Were you actually invited by the host?

dotsandco · 14/11/2021 19:47

Was this party in The Queen Vic OP? And is your name Bianca? 😆😱🤦‍♀️

TheAverageUser · 14/11/2021 19:48

@Popopopo

You went to a party your partner's ex wife was going to be at and that was being hosted by people that you know don't like you....? Hmm
Yes this ^ I don't understand why you went? Are you looking for drama?
Ragwort · 14/11/2021 19:49

As everyone else is saying .. why on Earth did you go to the party? It's as though you want to show off that you are now with her ex Hmm. You all need to grow up.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2021 19:54

Why would you go to someone's house when you know they don't like you and that your DH's ex would be there? I think it's you causing the trouble, to be honest.

Nyxly · 14/11/2021 19:58

So it's his families party. Not her friends party? The host is his family but the host didn't invite you directly? Probably because they knew what would happen.

And who is the daughter? The hosts daughter or the ex wife's daughter, your sd? How old is she?

If its the hosts daughter, are you sure it was the sort of party that her daughter could un it someone too? If my mum was hosting a party I wouldn't just invite anyone.

If its your sd you definitely shouldnt have gone as it wasn't her place to invite you.

I am guessing this daughter is quite young as she didn't realise this would be an issue.

Sounds to me like you knew you had all been officially invited, then had an altercation with the ex wife and was asked to leave. Which isn't a surprise since you weren't really meant to be there.

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2021 19:58

@littlebigtiger

Were you actually invited by the host?
It doesn’t seem like it. Like everyone else I can’t imagine why the op would actually go, other than because her partner wanted to go and she knew his ex would be there. Then crossed the room to have a go when she heard the snarky comment. Then wonders why the host and her friends chucked her out. Most folks wouldn’t have let her through the door. Such an awkward situation to put the host in.

Op you’re even typing like you were entitled to be there and that this is all becayse the ex is jealous of you. When in reality it seems you’re the insecure one so wanted to go becayse he was going and his ex and kid would be there.

You need to get a handle on that.

Aphrodite31 · 14/11/2021 20:00

So ... How did their marriage end?

This isn't, as I think you must know deep down, isn't about the 'who owns him' dancing discussion.

This group of people reject you on some other grounds. Either just their loyalty is to her, or they disapprove of the new set up, or some other mixture.

Just because you were invited, doesn't mean it would be easy or normal, I'm afraid.

Where was your husband in all of this? Hiding behind the costs?

Aphrodite31 · 14/11/2021 20:01

I meant hiding behind the coats

Mydogmylife · 14/11/2021 20:03

@HalfCenturyWoman

Were you the OW OP? Just wondering about the backstory to them all not liking you.

.

I wondered this as well - not that it excuses bad behaviour from the ex and family, but certainly explains the antagonism . Was daughter that invited you deliberately stirring the pot ?
ShinyHappyPoster · 14/11/2021 20:04

You know the hosts don't like you. You don't usually go to their events. You know they do like your DH's ex. And yet, somehow, you thought it was a good idea to try to argue with her?
Yy she might have been deliberately goady but she couldn't have had an argument if you'd ignored her. You showed no regard for your hosts (whether you like them or not); their DD who presumably put herself out to get you invited in the first place; your DCs or any of the other guests.
They shouldn't have pushed you but as PPs have said, hosts can ask anyone to leave at any time.