His dd doesn't like my work

[Farfrom006]

Ok, I'm turning to the lovely Msnet because this has really got under my skin and I can't find another perspective by going round my own head...

My dp lives far from me with his dd. She is 17 in Yr13. He told me that in a heart to heart she said (about me) that it's a 'shame I'm a maths teacher' this was very recently after some lovely time together and an evening out with old friends of her parents, where I'd driven up just for this.

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

Thing is he knows how bloody hard I've worked up from being a cleaner and dinner lady when we met. I've worked really hard, got my degree at 45, maths qualifications at 46, maths PGCE at 49. I'm a single parent to 2 boys and have done this so we're better off - not because it's my 'calling'. I'm a remedial tutor in school now, it's a good contract.

I feel really disappointed and disrespected by this comment.

Im keeping how I feel to myself but find myself increasingly resentful. We don't see one another very often she is highly dependent on him. I don't know how to be listened to without it rocking the boat for him.

Right, I'll shut up now as I think I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for reading and any comments

It’s none of her business what job you do

I mean, really, do you honestly care what a random (yes random- I’d it weren’t for you being attracted to her father she’d be nothing to you) 17 year old thinks about your job?

I absolutely don't understand why you are offended by this. She hates maths, not you! You could make it your business to change her mind about it.

YABU , let it go.

I think you need to make it clear to him and his DD how disrespectful it is, just because she ‘doesn’t like maths’! What a ridiculous reason. Goes to show at 17 she still has an awful lot of growing up to do and the real world needs to hit her. I’d explain the hard work it took to be a teacher and tell them both to respect it or get lost

To me it’s sounds like it’s because of the maths. Only that. Nothing to do with you, just the maths.

If she can't do maths, she should respect you all the more.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Perhaps next time tell him to keep her opinions between them, there was no need to tell you that.

Perhaps he is just negging you?

Youre a teacher FGS you should have a far thicker skin when it comes to what teenagers say.

She's 17. Why do you care what she thinks about your job?

And why did your DP tell you something hurtful?

I don't think you can blame her. She's a teen, all teens are dicks at some point. But why did your DP pass it on?

Oh pwow wow y

She’s a kid. She’s immature - many kids are.

She doesn’t dislike you, she just dislikes maths. She’s allowed to.

This is absolutely no reflection on you, or how hard you’ve worked to get where you are.

It really doesn’t matter. The natural response to this would be to laugh at such a silly child-like comment, and dismiss it.

Again - this is no reflection on you, and her feelings about you, so no need to take it so very personally.

Talk about a fuss over nothing. Are you looking to find fault OP?

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

He's not very bright, is he? I mean you're a remedial tutor, literally helping children who struggle with maths.

I still remember my scary math teacher from a thousand years ago. Really changed my view of maths and learning in general. She was a great teacher.

YABU it's not personal, I hate maths and I'd imagine it was said in a jokey way - nice lady, shame about the maths, hehe.

And BTW it's not about the child for me. It's his reaction. To tell you, seemingly agreeing that her position is correct.

It sounds like an offhand, joke comment that you are taking way too seriously. Like saying it’s a shame someone supports a certain football team. You don’t actually dislike them for it, it’s just something you aren’t going to have in common.

YABU and over thinking this. I thought you were going to say something like you are an artist and she said your paintings were shite or something like that. Most teens would not think of maths teachers in a positive way. I could not get worked up about this.

She’s a silly girl. Don’t worry about what she thinks.

Why would you care what a 17 year old thinks?

I would interpret that as her being unable to connect with something in you and your life that she sees is central to who you are.

Also it might have been a flippant comment as in 'shame she's a maths teacher (because if she was a History teacher she could help me get better grades at A level.)'

Don't take it personally. She didn't say she didn't like you.

And I am beyond impressed that you worked up from cleaner/dinner lady to maths teacher. That's an incredible achievement and act of love for your DC that you can provide a better income for them. Nothing should shake your sense of pride at that. It's amazing!

I'm assuming you don't teach teenagers?

You need a thicker skin. It's daft to care what a teenager says about your job. They have no experience of life - except school - and it's the kind of thing they say when they hate a particular subject.

I genuinely would not have given this a second's thought. It sounds by your post that you actually resent the fact that you see him little because she is dependent on him and that this is what you are fed up about rather than some random throw away comment she made.

I'm more confused why he told you

Also context is everything.

What do you think of Far?
She's great, just a shame she's a maths teacher hahaha

which is said in a she's lovely buy gah maths is awful is totally different to

What do you think of Far?
Shane she's a maths teachers, I might be able to like her otherwise.

I could imagine saying something like this about a PE teacher when I was a teenager, as its a subject I hated. Your (over) reaction is ridiculous.

Her opinion on this is unimportant.