His dd doesn't like my work

[Farfrom006]

Ok, I'm turning to the lovely Msnet because this has really got under my skin and I can't find another perspective by going round my own head...

My dp lives far from me with his dd. She is 17 in Yr13. He told me that in a heart to heart she said (about me) that it's a 'shame I'm a maths teacher' this was very recently after some lovely time together and an evening out with old friends of her parents, where I'd driven up just for this.

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

Thing is he knows how bloody hard I've worked up from being a cleaner and dinner lady when we met. I've worked really hard, got my degree at 45, maths qualifications at 46, maths PGCE at 49. I'm a single parent to 2 boys and have done this so we're better off - not because it's my 'calling'. I'm a remedial tutor in school now, it's a good contract.

I feel really disappointed and disrespected by this comment.

Im keeping how I feel to myself but find myself increasingly resentful. We don't see one another very often she is highly dependent on him. I don't know how to be listened to without it rocking the boat for him.

Right, I'll shut up now as I think I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for reading and any comments

Why does it matter what she thinks? She’s almost an adult. It sounds like it was probably said in a sarcastic way rather than a hurtful way and your dp just let it go, it wasn’t really worth starting a disagreement over?

You are over reacting.

My DH's nephews instantly became more distant when they heard I was a teacher. I'm the enemy. I was a bit scared of my aunt when I was a teen, because she was a teacher.

Unfortunately, as a teacher you need to have a thicker skin. Some students (plenty of adults too) think all teachers are wankers; some students may be suspicious of you. Get over it.

Would be really have told you if she'd said it nastily?

I cannot believe you care!!

It's not worth a moment's headspace.

Could be worse. You could be vegan.

It's just a daft comment about her not liking maths, likely said in a jokey way! It's not like she's said it for ideological reasons. Ie, disagreeing with professions such as solicitors and the police force.

It's about maths not about you so I don't understand why you're taking it so personally. It's not about you, your achievement, or how hard you worked, or your career or even you being a teacher.

That being said, your partner was an idiot to bring it up and relay all this to you. There was no point to it and it had the potential to backfire and it did.

So, this is the equivalent of me hating cleaning at home (as do many MN) but I do it as a job and enjoy it!!

100% (sorry couldn't resist) I know I know im being sensitive but

Some very candid comments here that help me see why

Where and what the real reasons are. Tbh it's a relief to see the wood for the trees. Of course if this was anyone else it wouldn't have got in.

Thanks for the kick up the thing, just so very very helpful in seeing the wood for the trees.

I'm typing in the middle of a pitch black park, so back to the walk and much better thoughts

Thank you Msnet

I think its more ro do with OP's DP not defending her?
confession: I have a problem with authority and didn't enjoy school. I once made an immature throwaway comment about teachers (ironic as some of best friends are teachers), after a glass of wine, to my Dad who I was visiting, and his wife.

I didn't know, but it turned out she had been a teacher! mortifying! I wouldn't have said it had a iknown.

But she spoke up calmy and my df pushed back to me, which your dp should have done here.

Maybe talk to your dp about how he feels about your career and your journey.

I thought you were going to say you worked in a slaughterhouse.

Man alive.

I don't understand why you're so upset?

My favourite quote from Good Will Hunting

“Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me… fell into a deep peaceful sleep and haven’t thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?”
Will: “No.”
“You’re just a kid — you don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talkin’ about.”

@ThePlumVan me too!

I think you're being quite childish. Also, you're a grown woman for godsake do you really need the approval of a 17yo?

It's not because she sees you as "just" a teacher. It's the fact it's maths.

Like saying "shame supports man united but no-ones perfect" etc.

Surely you're massively overthinking this? It's a joke!

She’s just immature, I don’t think it’s about you.

What an amazing achievement.

How can you have space in your brain for such nonsense when you have so much to be proud of?

And I bet your own children think you’re indescribably brilliant!

Congratulations on achieving the qualifications at that age (my age - I am inspired) and teaching maths is incredibly important. I would assume she was joking?

I can't believe you thought this needed defending. Just be thankful that he didn't, she would have thought that seriously OTT.

I don't think she will give a tiny shit about your journey to becoming a maths teacher. You could have given Mother Theresa a run for her money and she would still have said it's a shame you're a maths teacher.

You've done amazingly to get to where you are, don't feel undermined by silly of the cuff remarks.

@RedHot22 that is one of the best scenes in the movie, also true here, she is just a kid, she is 17, probably always lived with her parents, what does she know?

If I was a cleaner or dinner lady, I’d feel ‘disrespected’ by you OP, give your head a wobble

It's the sort of thing teenagers say. I would probably have said similar. I think you have to be a bit thicker skinned about it. Agree that he probably shouldn't have told you -- I don't see what he was hoping to achieve.