His dd doesn't like my work

[Farfrom006]

Ok, I'm turning to the lovely Msnet because this has really got under my skin and I can't find another perspective by going round my own head...

My dp lives far from me with his dd. She is 17 in Yr13. He told me that in a heart to heart she said (about me) that it's a 'shame I'm a maths teacher' this was very recently after some lovely time together and an evening out with old friends of her parents, where I'd driven up just for this.

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

Thing is he knows how bloody hard I've worked up from being a cleaner and dinner lady when we met. I've worked really hard, got my degree at 45, maths qualifications at 46, maths PGCE at 49. I'm a single parent to 2 boys and have done this so we're better off - not because it's my 'calling'. I'm a remedial tutor in school now, it's a good contract.

I feel really disappointed and disrespected by this comment.

Im keeping how I feel to myself but find myself increasingly resentful. We don't see one another very often she is highly dependent on him. I don't know how to be listened to without it rocking the boat for him.

Right, I'll shut up now as I think I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for reading and any comments

At 17 I'd fully expect her to be able to separate you from your job. He should have pointed this out to her and stood up for you.

At 50+ I'd be intimidated by you (blame by crappy maths teacher in secondary school and the introduction of Fletcher maths in junior school) but full of respect for your change of career.

No advice on your situation but I just had to say - your post has just persuaded me not to give up and defer my current module of my degree. My husband recently made a comment that did I really think trying to get a degree and PGCE in my mid-40’s a good idea? I’m half way through a BA with the OU and won’t be able to complete my PGCE until I’m 48/49. I was starting to loose confidence that I would find work as a newly qualified teacher at that age. So thanks for showing me it is possible!

It’s a silly comment by a teenage girl, so what if she doesn’t like your career, I can’t understand why your DP even bothered to tell you!

I sense there is more resentment here because you don’t see your DP very often. This isn’t the fault of a 17 year old teenage girl though, you have a DP problem!

Yes, like others I would assume this was a comment made in very much the same vein as someone might say “Gerry’s nice. shame he’s a Chelsea/Spurs/Everton fan”. It’s a joke. And I expect your partner relayed it to you as such but you’ve decided to look for offence.

So you're 49, or older.

She's 17...

She’s just made a throwaway comment to her dad. Holding that against her is petty. It’s your partner that’s an idiot.

I can’t believe you feel ‘disrespected and offended’ by this comment, you’ve taken it far too personally.
My dad was a policeman while I was growing up - I knew how hard he worked, why he did it etc, can you imagine some of the comments I got from other teenagers about his job? Funnily enough even though I was only a teenager myself and the comments did hurt, I was able to completely separate him from his job, and also understand that others would never view his job positively, but it wasn’t a personal thing. You need to let this go - are you going to bear a grudge against every silly thing a teenager says?

@hangrylady

YABU it's not personal, I hate maths and I'd imagine it was said in a jokey way - nice lady, shame about the maths, hehe.

This!! Honestly OP I think it's a bit mad you've even given this a second thought, let alone taking such a personal affront to it..

It’s probably wise to unpick what this is really about, OP.

Is it because you don’t see as much of your DP as you’d like, and you think his daughter is partly responsible for that?

I also wonder why he passed the comment on. It does seem unnecessary.

Nonetheless, you are taking it way too personally.

First off,you've done really well in your career change and should be proud.

Second, like some pp I'm wondering why your partner told you this. It could easily have been light hearted but you did say it was part of a 'heart to heart'. Do you have reason to think this was a message about your relationship and his priorities?

@hangrylady

YABU it's not personal, I hate maths and I'd imagine it was said in a jokey way - nice lady, shame about the maths, hehe.

That's what I assumed too. Teenager making a joke. You sound incredibly thin skinned, OP. If your DP had responded to her in the way you want, he really would have messed up your relationship with her. Why do you want that after a nice time together?

Thank you! I'm walking the dog with all this food for thought

I don't understand why you're upset. Can you elaborate?

Most teenagers are dicks at some point. Let it go. It’s not about you.

And of course she’s ‘highly dependent’ on him. She’s a child and he’s her dad - what an odd thing to say.

Ach don't give it any thought. She's a 17 year old who doesn't love maths, and has a less than positive view of maths teachers. She would prefer a stylish art or literature teacher. Nothing unusual here.

Why on earth your DP saw fit to repeat this to you I can't imagine.

By including the I formation about your 'journey' to getting your job it sounds like you're not used to people not congratulating you on it and patting you on the back so you are shocked that she's hasn't done that. Why would she, though?

It really sounds like she was joking tbh. Your do probably told because he thought it was funny! That is how I would read it, unless he told you very earnestly about it?

I think you are being a tad sensitive because of the reasons you’ve said about how hard you worked to get where you are.

From the way you report this I'd assume that the comment is along the lines of 'well FarFrom is nice but it's a shame she's a maths teacher'. I'd take that as about as close to a compliment as teenagers get. Don't sweat it. And well done on working your way up. Great job

I mean this kindly, you’re being very sensitive. It was a throw away comment. It means nothing.

You're being precious. She's 17. There's probably some humour in it too, which you've missed.
If my dad had started dating a PE teacher when I was 17, I would have said exactly the same.

I'm a single parent to 2 boys and have done this so we're better off - not because it's my 'calling'.

Oh dear - is that why she says it's a shame you're a maths teacher? Do your like your job.

Teenagers say al sorts of things they'll cringe at when they look back- why her DF repeated what she said is the question, it was unnecessary of him. She probably doesn't like the shoes you wear either, but there would be no need for her DF to tell you that.

It’s honestly not worth even a moment of your time.

You don’t need any validation from a teenager. You’ve a right to be extremely proud of what you’ve accomplished but you can’t really expect every single person in the world to view it the way you do. She won’t have been thinking of that, and you shouldn’t really expect her to.

@Waspsarearseholes

By including the I formation about your 'journey' to getting your job it sounds like you're not used to people not congratulating you on it and patting you on the back so you are shocked that she's hasn't done that. Why would she, though?

^this too

After all you've achieved, you shouldn't give a single fuck what one silly 17 y o thinks of you!

From what I am reading, sorry but YABVVVU. It's a comment from a teen who hates maths, so what? She hasn't said anything insulting, just that she doesn't like your job. This could have been in the context of "she wouldn't like this job for herself" as she has no interest in it or dislikes the subject, so doesn't see herself in that role.