Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His dd doesn't like my work

171 replies

Farfrom006 · 14/11/2021 16:59

Ok, I'm turning to the lovely Msnet because this has really got under my skin and I can't find another perspective by going round my own head...

My dp lives far from me with his dd. She is 17 in Yr13. He told me that in a heart to heart she said (about me) that it's a 'shame I'm a maths teacher' this was very recently after some lovely time together and an evening out with old friends of her parents, where I'd driven up just for this.

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

Thing is he knows how bloody hard I've worked up from being a cleaner and dinner lady when we met. I've worked really hard, got my degree at 45, maths qualifications at 46, maths PGCE at 49. I'm a single parent to 2 boys and have done this so we're better off - not because it's my 'calling'. I'm a remedial tutor in school now, it's a good contract.

I feel really disappointed and disrespected by this comment.

Im keeping how I feel to myself but find myself increasingly resentful. We don't see one another very often she is highly dependent on him. I don't know how to be listened to without it rocking the boat for him.

Right, I'll shut up now as I think I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for reading and any comments

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 14/11/2021 17:33

She was joking presumably because she doesn't like maths.

You are overthinking it because it has been hardwork and a long old slog to get to where you are as a mature student. Congratulations on this by the way but she was joking because of her dislike for maths not for you.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 14/11/2021 17:33

@FallingStar21 I agree. It’s actually very unreasonable to make so much out of a throwaway comment.

Bagelsandbrie · 14/11/2021 17:34

I’m sure she was joking. Teenagers have a dry sense of humour. Laugh and say something like “haha yes maths teachers suck”. Don’t give it any more thought than that!!

HelloDulling · 14/11/2021 17:34

You feel disrespected? By a throwaway comment - Far’s great company, shame she’s a maths teacher! - from a teen you don’t really know?

Cocomarine · 14/11/2021 17:35

Defend you? 🤣

Oh dear. She’s 17. You teach probably the most hated - either genuinely, or for teenage dramatic effect - subject on the secondary curriculum.

I love maths, and taught my daughter during lockdown homeschool - very successfully. You know what she says to her friends? “Oh my life it so hard - my mum is maths OBSESSED”. I know this, because she does it in front of me.

Everyone gives her attention and sympathy. Because maths is The Worst Subject (see above).

You are really over reacting here, expecting to be “defended”!

Nyxly · 14/11/2021 17:36

This is a massive over reaction. It really is.

Voord · 14/11/2021 17:36

Sounds like a lighthearted, jokey remark. I’ve no idea why you’re offended.

I get plenty of banter (for want of a better word) from relatives and friends about my job, and vice versa. There’s nothing in, and it’s not disrespectful.

I think you’re massively overreacting.

LindaLooky · 14/11/2021 17:37

Sounds jokey to me. I guess it's a sensitive subject for you cos you have really put in the effort to get to where you are. Honestly dont take it to heart.

Mydogmylife · 14/11/2021 17:37

@hangrylady

YABU it's not personal, I hate maths and I'd imagine it was said in a jokey way - nice lady, shame about the maths, hehe.
This I reckon.
LockdownLisa · 14/11/2021 17:37

Your reaction does seem a bit odd to me. If she was dissing you because you were still 'only' a cleaner/dinner lady, I'd understand you being angry and offended at her snobbery, but you don't really know the tone and context - it could easily have been a laughing 'yeah, but she's a MATHS teacher - I hate maths!!!'.

Also, she's only 17 - of course she's still dependent on him.

HeartsAndClubs · 14/11/2021 17:38

Anyone remember the episode of Frasier where he goes out with a PE teacher and Niles finds it difficult because of a PE teacher in their past who was horrible?

TBH what she says is probably tame in comparison to what some of your students say. Not because you’ve done anything wrong but because students all gossip about their teachers,about what they do and don’t like about them. You need to grow a much thicker skin if you’re going to teach.

Hortonhearsadoctorwho · 14/11/2021 17:39

It was probably said in a jokey way.
She doesn’t like maths so it’s a shame you’re a maths teacher haha. I really feel you’re overthinking it.

madisonbridges · 14/11/2021 17:39

@Blush21

I think you need to make it clear to him and his DD how disrespectful it is, just because she ‘doesn’t like maths’! What a ridiculous reason. Goes to show at 17 she still has an awful lot of growing up to do and the real world needs to hit her. I’d explain the hard work it took to be a teacher and tell them both to respect it or get lost
What's wrong with saying you'd prefer them to have a different subject or job? My dad was the nicest guy in the world and he worked for HMRC. People used to lament that he was a tax collector. They still liked him. He was never bothered.

I used to go out with someone who worked away a lot. I didn't like that much but it didn't mean I didn't like them. People are so sensitive these days.

BurbageBrook · 14/11/2021 17:40

As someone who used to be a teacher, I’m surprised your skin isn’t a bit thicker! It’s a daft comment from a teenager. Why take it so personally?

amsadandconfused · 14/11/2021 17:40

@FangsForTheMemory

After all you've achieved, you shouldn't give a single fuck what one silly 17 y o thinks of you!
This 100%!
BurbageBrook · 14/11/2021 17:40

(By that I mean I used to be a teacher - I’m aware you still are.)

elastamum · 14/11/2021 17:40

I have no idea why your DP thought it was appropriate to pass the comment on to you. IMO teenagers say a lot of things which are best left unrepeated. Well done you on getting your qualifications. Don't give it a second thought.

BourbonScreams · 14/11/2021 17:41

I'd agree your partner is the one who's wrong for bringing this up to you

Nyxly · 14/11/2021 17:41

Is your job really that important to you, you don't like people saying they don't like the subject you teach.

Dd thinks my job is boring. I can see why. Its really not a big deal. It's what I do to pay the bills, it's not who I am and someone thinking my job must be boring isn't a personal insult. It doesn't need me to defend it

Newgirls · 14/11/2021 17:41

Her dad is talking about his girlfriend. That’s an awkward conversation. She said the thing that popped into her head. He’s trying to tell you that they talked about you, are getting to know you.

I guess you feel equally awkward as you don’t know her or even him that well yet and want to get on. None of this is about maths!

Chikapu · 14/11/2021 17:43

What do you think he should have defended you against?

Nonicknamesforcatapillars · 14/11/2021 17:43

She’s 17, it was probably a joke. I wouldn't take it too personally.

madisonbridges · 14/11/2021 17:44

@HeartsAndClubs. Haha. Such a good episode. Love the flashbacks and coach. I love Frasier.

StillWalking · 14/11/2021 17:44

Seriously OP? You're a teacher getting her knickers in a twist about what an immature 17yo thinks of your job. YABU.

Doomscrolling · 14/11/2021 17:45

You’re being over sensitive and quite frankly rather daft. No reason to take offence.