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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His dd doesn't like my work

171 replies

Farfrom006 · 14/11/2021 16:59

Ok, I'm turning to the lovely Msnet because this has really got under my skin and I can't find another perspective by going round my own head...

My dp lives far from me with his dd. She is 17 in Yr13. He told me that in a heart to heart she said (about me) that it's a 'shame I'm a maths teacher' this was very recently after some lovely time together and an evening out with old friends of her parents, where I'd driven up just for this.

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

Thing is he knows how bloody hard I've worked up from being a cleaner and dinner lady when we met. I've worked really hard, got my degree at 45, maths qualifications at 46, maths PGCE at 49. I'm a single parent to 2 boys and have done this so we're better off - not because it's my 'calling'. I'm a remedial tutor in school now, it's a good contract.

I feel really disappointed and disrespected by this comment.

Im keeping how I feel to myself but find myself increasingly resentful. We don't see one another very often she is highly dependent on him. I don't know how to be listened to without it rocking the boat for him.

Right, I'll shut up now as I think I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for reading and any comments

OP posts:
MrsVeryTired · 14/11/2021 18:04

I wish I was a maths teacher! I'm a TA.

Well done you for doing all your training etc and don't give partners DD a moments thought, cheeky upstart.

Mellowyellow222 · 14/11/2021 18:04

You
Sound incredibly over sensitive.

It was a throw away comment!

All that matters is you are proud of your work. People don’t need to celebrate you for being a teacher.

Twillow · 14/11/2021 18:05

Oh, come on! She's 17 and hates maths. She doesn't hate you from what I can see, she's just expressing her disappointment that you don't do something she likes. It's a perfectly valid comment.
She may grow to hate you though if you continue to resent things like this and see yourself as 'disrespected' by it...

SarahBellam · 14/11/2021 18:05

What does she want you to be? Celine Dion? Seriously, why on earth would you care that a 17yo isn’t delighted you’re a maths teacher? I honestly thought you were going to say you had some terrible job that made you smell or something.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/11/2021 18:05

I thought you were going to say you worked in a slaughterhouse

Same here . Abattoir or Laboratory Animals .
.

ancientgran · 14/11/2021 18:05

You are a great role model for your children, I am so impressed with what you have achieved. I'm not good at maths, great at arithmetic and can do lots in my head but maths is a mystery.

Don't let a 17 year old worry you. You are amazing.

Bimblybomeyelash · 14/11/2021 18:05

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Youre a teacher FGS you should have a far thicker skin when it comes to what teenagers say.

Exactly what I was about to say!!

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 14/11/2021 18:06

@Farfrom006 you have done amazing things with your life and maths is disliked but I always think it is because it isn't an easy subject. It is actually a compliment, you know so much about a subject that a lot of students struggle with. You should be very proud.

SarahBellam · 14/11/2021 18:06

And by the way - being a maths teacher is super cool and you must be EXTREMELY bright to have a maths degree. Congratulations - you are doing a brilliant and much needed job. Thank you Smile

HotPenguin · 14/11/2021 18:07

What? It was a joke, surely? I doubt she expected her dad to repeat it to you, and I don't know why he did.

acatcalledjohn · 14/11/2021 18:08

she's just expressing her disappointment that you don't do something she likes. It's a perfectly valid comment.

Let's all make sure the world approves of our jobs. Can't possibly be upsetting the 17YOs.

Het dad should have put her right that the OP working to improve her situation for her children is admirable, not validate his daughter looking down on his partner.

ancientgran · 14/11/2021 18:10

@Bimblybomeyelash

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Youre a teacher FGS you should have a far thicker skin when it comes to what teenagers say.

Exactly what I was about to say!!

It wasn't "teenagers" though, it was her partners daughter. Obviously very different particularly when her DP didn't challenge it.
maddy68 · 14/11/2021 18:10

You're bothered that a child has said she hates maths teachers?

.,
How do you cope teaching ? I thought 90%of kids hate maths teachers.

No idea why you are worked up over this or why you think he should defend your job?

me4real · 14/11/2021 18:10

Teenagers talk all manner of shit and maybe they're less keen on teachers (though I wanted to be one and thought most of them were ok.)

What I think isn't right @Farfrom006 is your partner told you something he knew might hurt you, unnecessarily. So he either enjoys hurting people, really doesn't like your job and wanted a dig at it, or both.

If I was a cleaner or dinner lady, I’d feel ‘disrespected’ by you OP, give your head a wobble

@DandyHighwayWoman That's not what OP said at all. She's been a dinner lady, cleaner etc, so is not having a go at them at all. Their salary is low though and she wanted to earn more to give her boys a better life. I think most cleaners or dinner ladies would love to earn more if they could. I've worked as a cleaner and didn't see anythinng wrong with OP's comment- most people wouldn't want to be on minimum wage if they could avoid it. It's not about the work, but what they can do as a result of having a job that pays better.

Well done OP. xx

HappyDays101010 · 14/11/2021 18:10

He was shit stirring surely?

SpaceshiptoMars · 14/11/2021 18:10

What an amazing and inspiring achievement! You would be a catch for anyone wanting speakers for a local groupSmile

I think you are in a critical phase of a new relationship. It is very important to you how things go with the DD, because she may become fairly central in your life for a while. I'm an SM to adult children, and they lived with me for several years, so can see where this may be going! You will need a thicker skin, people are right. If she is highly dependent on Dad at 17, she may have some extra needs and may be with him for another 10 or more.

But - you're a teacher now, right. So you can help with thatSmile Gently as you go.

Onthetrain75 · 14/11/2021 18:12

First of all I thought you were going to say that you did something she objected to on moral grounds like a stripper, testing on animals, or working in the tobacco industry!!

How fantastic that you are a maths teacher! She is 17 and really has no clue about anything. Maybe she had a rubbish maths teacher which is why she doesn't like maths? Just think of all the children you are helping. You will shape the careers of many people.

Try not to dwell on it. She will grow up hopefully.

Hogwarts21 · 14/11/2021 18:13

Just wanted to say congratulations on all you've done! Please feel proud.

EdmontinaDancesWithOphelia · 14/11/2021 18:13

But it isn’t a new relationship? The OP has known this man since before she began her degree …

AreYouRightThereSkippy · 14/11/2021 18:14

Agree with others that you're over thinking and being a bit too sensitive here. I think you know that though! Enjoy your walk Smile

VincaMinor · 14/11/2021 18:14

You've done well and it's a good career. An admirable career.
She might have just been joking and might be annoyed to know your dh blabbed and gave the impression she was being serious.

TitoMojito · 14/11/2021 18:17

She was probably joking

ittakes2 · 14/11/2021 18:19

I understand why this has hit a nerve but I actually read this as she likes you ie you are nice shame you are a maths teacher tongue in cheek. You are really blowing this out of proportion.

Malibuismysecrethome · 14/11/2021 18:19

You don’t need to be validated by this girl, it’s not important what she thinks of your huge achievement.

vdbfamily · 14/11/2021 18:20

YABU because it is important to you what she thinks. Shree did not say she did not like you, she does not like the subject you teach. The way I read the comment did not sound disrespectful to teachers or you generally and actually sounded a bit jokey to me.