His dd doesn't like my work

[Farfrom006]

Ok, I'm turning to the lovely Msnet because this has really got under my skin and I can't find another perspective by going round my own head...

My dp lives far from me with his dd. She is 17 in Yr13. He told me that in a heart to heart she said (about me) that it's a 'shame I'm a maths teacher' this was very recently after some lovely time together and an evening out with old friends of her parents, where I'd driven up just for this.

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

Thing is he knows how bloody hard I've worked up from being a cleaner and dinner lady when we met. I've worked really hard, got my degree at 45, maths qualifications at 46, maths PGCE at 49. I'm a single parent to 2 boys and have done this so we're better off - not because it's my 'calling'. I'm a remedial tutor in school now, it's a good contract.

I feel really disappointed and disrespected by this comment.

Im keeping how I feel to myself but find myself increasingly resentful. We don't see one another very often she is highly dependent on him. I don't know how to be listened to without it rocking the boat for him.

Right, I'll shut up now as I think I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for reading and any comments

I don't honestly know why you are giving a random comment about your job from a 17 year old any headspace at all. Who gives a shit if she likes your subject or your job??
You need to be less bothered and interested in whatever crap she is spouting. If she says it to you, I would laugh and say 'good job you aren't a teacher then'.

You sound nice OP. I genuinely don’t think this comment is anything at all to worry about. I think everything will be just fine.

🌷🌷🌷 Big Congratulations on what you have achieved.

Completely irrelevant to your question but I am really impressed and amazed at your achievements. A huge well done. You should be so, so proud of yourself 🌟

She’s very immature. Maybe she hated maths at school, but saying it’s a shame you’re a maths teachers reeks of harking back to lessons she didn’t enjoy. Very silly, your job has nothing to do with her school experience.

This is probably something I would have said at that age. I hated maths, I got an ok grade in it but don’t understand anyone who actually enjoys maths. I’m not sure why you let a teenager have that affect on you over a job you have worked hard towards.

Both my children loved Maths at high school and both do maths in their degree courses.

My nasty ex used to tell me things other people had said that might hurt me @Farfrom006 . He enjoyed hurting people and stirring them up. Not good.

@MrsTerryPratchett

As far as I can tell he didn't defend me, just says yes but she hates maths.

He's not very bright, is he? I mean you're a remedial tutor, literally helping children who struggle with maths.

I still remember my scary math teacher from a thousand years ago. Really changed my view of maths and learning in general. She was a great teacher.

Well done for an enormous achievement.

He sounds very, very dim to repeat this.

I really wouldn't be paying any attention to a 17 year old.

Him being so dim is another matter.

I'd move on.

She's 17. She hates Maths! This is ridiculous to get caught up on. If she had said you were an old boot and she hated you I could understand. Would be like me saying ohhh it's a pity you work in a baked beans factory! I hate beans!

Well done on your achievements thought, that is bloody awesome!

YABU teenagers can be brutally honest but in this case she’s not actually said anything that bad.

My DD hates the subject I teach and tells me all of the time. My nieces always say I wish you were an ….. teacher depending on what their favourite subject is.
As a teen I’d have definitely said the same as I hated maths.

I feel that you think she is judging you on this but I don’t think she is.

I’m not sure why your DP told you unless he thought you’d find it funny as most people probably would have just laughed it off.

Just wanted to say an enormous well done OP. That’s a brilliant achievement. 💐

Have you ever met a 17 year old?! For goodness sake pull yourself together - it was a daft, thoughtless comment made by a maths hating daft, thoughtless child.

@Farfrom006

I think you've done absolutely amazing to achieve that

Who cares what she thinks

Be proud of who you are and what you have achieved and if this partner who lives miles away hasn't got your back - sack him off x

@Farfrom006

Wow! Lots of support. Thank you all, I'm listening. Big change of perspective for me.

It's so appreciated being able to share this and get to new ground. This is a wonderful place to come for advice.

My conclusion is: I don't know what either of them meant. I don't know the whole context.

This is just a mind worm, a distraction and unanswerable thing. I call myself out on fixating on this. This is where my problem lies.

For those who think teachers should have thick skins, I kind of disagree. I'd hardly be a teacher if I didn't know how to filter but I'm not walking ego either and
the angry disenfranchised students stay in the room with me, I understand the signs and how to help and I'm privileged to have an understanding of what struggle really is. My boys say, 'but you're not like other teachers' so I'll keep my sensitivity for when it's appropriate.

So, I call myself muppet and thank you all again x

Bless you, it's so refreshing when someone puts out a rant and then actually listens to and reflects on the opinions given rather than arguing with them!

Great achievement OP, but you'll need to grow a thicker skin to survive in a high school full of teens.

It sounds a bit to me like when I had a boyfriend who didn't like my religion or style of dress.

Before my mum retired she got some men that didn't like that she was a social worker.

@Sohoso

She’s just made a throwaway comment to her dad. Holding that against her is petty. It’s your partner that’s an idiot.

This!

I’d have responded it’s a shame she is so shallow and rude.

It really isn’t automatically shallow and rude to make that joke...It could just as easily have been said with affection. OP wasn’t even there when she said it so it’s not as if she did it on purpose to be nasty.

She’s just made a throwaway comment to her dad. Holding that against her is petty. It’s your partner that’s an idiot.

^This. I'd be wondering about his motivation in telling you tbh. Unless it really was a lighthearted joke and he somehow failed to convey that to you.

It really isn’t automatically shallow and rude to make that joke...It could just as easily have been said with affection.

There is no affection when someone says it is a shame what she does for a living.

OP wasn’t even there when she said it so it’s not as if she did it on purpose to be nasty.

Yeah. It’s much better when someone says something mean behind your back…..