Page 27 | Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

Frederica852 · 2021-11-13T22:24:59+00:00

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away). DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group. DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

Youseethethingis · 15/11/2021 20:18

I think her main Issue might be that she's set the bar for her man at roughly sewer level and she begrudges anyone else anything higher than that

Angie1403 · 15/11/2021 20:19

It’s a flat out NO & I don’t care what anyone says about relationships being a compromise or whatever. This is one of those occasions when women who don’t already tell their partners how it is…get to tell their partners how it is and what is actually going to happen I.e. he’s staying home for the sake of his family and missing both events. Boo bloody hoo. The man is a wretch for even suggesting he go to this wedding and does he think he’s compromising by offering to miss the stag do?! Aaaggghhhhh!!!

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2021 20:21

@Londoncallingme

I wouldn’t mind but then I’m a SAHM and DH works seriously long stressful hours so I’m all up for him having a little r&r and a big wedding do doesn’t happen every month. At 2 weeks baby will sleep eat and sleep some more. Not a problem.

What the hell does being a SAHM have to do with the price of fish?

And why is it ok for these men to bugger off and leave their newborn to go on a Jolly? Did they not want children?

(Oh, and what will the 3 year-old do?)

Feetupteashot · 15/11/2021 20:23

Yabnu. He isbu

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2021 20:24

@Whatamess582

I don’t think you are bu by saying you don’t want to be left alone with a 2wk old baby and a 3yr old. It’s not fun. It is totally doable though. I did it. Most of my friends did it. For way longer than 1-4 nights. With no family around and no friends. Al get into bed together and feed the baby while the eldest watches a tablet. Then put the baby down, put the 3 yr old to sleep and then you go to sleep. Don’t worry about tidying or cleaning or baths. Dinner can be a shove in the oven meal or delivered pizza.

As sympathetic as I am….. if your husband wants to go to the wedding, let him.

But I would caveat any ‘permission’ you give with ‘you’ll be on duty when you come home so don’t get too drunk’ and ‘if I have a c-section all deals are off’

OH FFS!!

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2021 20:27

@LovelyIssues

They are your children, you will survive

Really need to start a thread for people to vote on the stupidest comment.

This one's definitely up there

MaryLamb · 15/11/2021 20:27

Because in my experience men who suggest this sort of thing only properly feel shamed when shamed by other men, my DH's take on this is:

"Well he either needs to sort out and pay for a round-the-clock maternity nurse or not go, doesn't he? It's not difficult. It seems like a pointless hill for him to die on."

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2021 20:28

[quote LovelyIssues]@JennyForeigner but this isn't about you. This is about a women whose child doesn't have meningitis. Please don't worry her unnecessarily. Honestly she will be OK [/quote]
But it's not about you and how you coped either...

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 15/11/2021 20:28

Some of the shit on here is unreal
No wonder so many men have massive entitlement problems especially if they are with any of these women who believe it’s fine to jet off on the piss hours away in this specific scenario.

I mean why not ask her to plough a fucking field and paint the bathroom while he’s away too?

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2021 20:32

@LovelyIssues

Right I'm off to kick a puppy as apparently that's what you do when you've also been in this situation and wanted to reassure OP she would be OK

rather then tell her her child may get meningitis. You're an odd bunch

One poster gave her real-life experience just as you did.

None of us have a clue whether she'll be ok or not.

The point we are making is that, in this instance:

The baby has TWO parents
There is also a toddler
The OP is having a caesarean
She will be two weeks post birth
The wedding is abroad
Her DH will be away for 4 nights
He isn't especially close to the groom
It's a four night trip

So the majority think he's out of order.
Even if she was Superwoman I'd still think he's out of order.

Why would he want to leave his family when they've just had a new baby?

hotmeatymilk · 15/11/2021 20:33

I mean why not ask her to plough a fucking field and paint the bathroom while he’s away too?
You jest but there’s a comment upthread reassuring her not to worry about tidying or cleaning. Like it’s a treat! “Maybe for the few days you’re alone and barely mobile and unslept with two children, treat yoself and let the toddler have a cheeky Coco Pops breakfast, it won’t hurt just the once. Not all four days though, obviously. Standards.”

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/11/2021 20:33

[quote LovelyIssues]@NoOtherShadeOfBlue they're not "going through" anything. Just looking after their children gosh[/quote]
Recovering from major abdominal surgery isn't 'going through' anything?

Let alone with a newborn and toddler to look after solo, because their dad is choosing to go to a (not close) friends wedding abroad for four days after said major abdominal surgery.

I swear pregnancy / childbirth are completely dismissed by so many people, including terrifyingly some women.

If a parent had major abdominal surgery that mean they were explicitly told that at two weeks post op they should not be lifting things heavier than their newborn for 4+ weeks and their partner decided they wanted to go on a four day holiday everyone would say how selfish and ridiculous of them it was. How uncaring. How depressing. How unsympathetic. Yet because the surgery is related to having a baby, some people suddenly think it's making a fuss and nothing much to 'go through', just business as usual.

Idiotic.

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 15/11/2021 20:36

@youvegottenminuteslynn it’s the same with pregnancy, all the minimising and ‘it’s not an illness’ despite the fact that pregnancy does, in fact, make a lot of women ill and it takes a toll that shouldn’t just be ignored. My least favourite phrase is ‘just get on with it’. It’s so often used to dismiss women’s pain and women’s needs.

antipa · 15/11/2021 20:36

To those saying it's fine - I think it would be ok if OP was fine with it, but she isn't.

If those same people would also say the same of a woman posted she was leaving her two weeks baby then fair enough. But I assume there the same people that have double standards and expect different behaviour from mothers compared to fathers which is very troubling.

Hardbackwriter · 15/11/2021 20:36

I feel like some of the comments on this thread are playing the game 'tell me that your husband is a waste of space who doesn't give a toss about you, without telling me that your husband is a waste of space who doesn't give a toss about you'. If you can't imagine why anyone would care that their husband voluntarily went away two weeks after they gave birth then you might need to accept that that's because your husband is unusually shit, not because you're particularly strong.

Mamamarsh · 15/11/2021 20:37

Absolute flat no YANBU. Let’s just say the baby is born, what if it’s heavens forbid, not well, what if you’re not well, what if you have a c-section, what if your youngest is struggling to adjust, what if you can’t drive, what if you’ve not had the baby, what if you’re in the middle of an induction. How many more reasons could he possibly need to put you and your kids first. I’m sorry but the fact you’re having to ask this question of yourself is absolutely NOT OK. To consider it is sooo selfish on his part. Classic man, he knows he shouldn’t and probably can’t go, but he will want to make sure it’s YOU that stops it rather than him taking responsibility for his on family. Then somehow you owe him one or he can throw it in your face in arguments to come. tuts.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/11/2021 20:39

@Hardbackwriter

I feel like some of the comments on this thread are playing the game 'tell me that your husband is a waste of space who doesn't give a toss about you, without telling me that your husband is a waste of space who doesn't give a toss about you'. If you can't imagine why anyone would care that their husband voluntarily went away two weeks after they gave birth then you might need to accept that that's because your husband is unusually shit, not because you're particularly strong.

This.

And my god how much of an absolute arsehole would a normal person think this guy was if he turned up to a four day wedding solo with his wife recovering from a c section at home with a two week old and a toddler. I mean... I'm almost laughing writing that at how utterly ridiculous he will look if he actually goes! Imagine the stuff people will say behind his back and after a few drinks, to his face. Hopefully.

My 'are you fucking joking?!' face would be hard to keep under control if I was at the wedding. I bet the bride and groom would be pretty mortified too and feel terrible as they won't actually expect him to have attended abroad, for four days, when his baby is 14 days old!

Classicblunder · 15/11/2021 20:43

@hotmeatymilk

I mean why not ask her to plough a fucking field and paint the bathroom while he’s away too? You jest but there’s a comment upthread reassuring her not to worry about tidying or cleaning. Like it’s a treat! “Maybe for the few days you’re alone and barely mobile and unslept with two children, treat yoself and let the toddler have a cheeky Coco Pops breakfast, it won’t hurt just the once. Not all four days though, obviously. Standards.”

There was also the poster who said that he should make his own way to the airport like it was a serious possibility that otherwise the OP would feel it necessary to drive with a newborn and toddler to drop him and pick him up

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/11/2021 20:45

There was also the poster who said that he should make his own way to the airport like it was a serious possibility that otherwise the OP would feel it necessary to drive with a newborn and toddler to drop him and pick him up

😂

Oh my god who are these people who think a penis means someone should be so constantly, ridiculously prioritised over someone who has just had surgery and the baby and child they 50% created?!

This thread has been batshit in places. I can't get over the amount of people who have mentioned OP might have a c section.

She's. Having. A. Planned. C-Section.

TheElectricBoogaloo · 15/11/2021 20:51

@youvegottenminuteslynn but surely she should also pack his case, make sure he’s got his passport and tickets and has snacks for the journey??? She’ll have already organised the cab to the airport…naturally.

SoftSheen · 15/11/2021 20:54

I had a planned c-section with DC2. I also had DC1 who was nearly four at the time. 10 days later, DH had to go abroad for 3-4 days on an important work trip. It was fine.

However, I had a choice. If I hadn't been fine with it (or had been ill), DH wouldn't have gone. If you're not happy managing by yourself, then you shouldn't have to, especially for something that's just a social event.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/11/2021 20:54

[quote TheElectricBoogaloo]@youvegottenminuteslynn but surely she should also pack his case, make sure he’s got his passport and tickets and has snacks for the journey??? She’ll have already organised the cab to the airport…naturally. [/quote]
Absolutely I hope she paid for his tickets and presented them in a handmade gift box in thanks for so nobly siring not one but two children and sticking around in the same country for 14 days after the birth of the latest one. He truly is a kind amongst men.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/11/2021 20:55

*a king not a kind.

Though he isn't kind OR a king.

SallyWD · 15/11/2021 20:56

I'm a very laid back wife, always happy for my DH to go away (to be honest I love having time to myself) but even I am shocked that he's even considering this. You'll still be recovering from your c-section, you'll be sleep deprived and have a newborn and a 3 year old to look after. He should be at home taking care of you. Like others say, if it was a day away or one night then OK but 4 days is just too much. If he's not even that close to the friend why on earth does he want to go? It seems very odd to me.

Pallisers · 15/11/2021 20:56

There was also the poster who said that he should make his own way to the airport like it was a serious possibility that otherwise the OP would feel it necessary to drive with a newborn and toddler to drop him and pick him up

That had me laughing too.