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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to eat a mouthful of my dinner just as I sit down with it

228 replies

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 21:32

9:30pm not stopped with work, taking kids to clubs, feeding children, laundry, housework then made my own very quick tea - pasta with leftover salmon.

Sat down.

Husband watching football after a busy day at work, makes comment on the amount on my plate.

Literally the second I sat down with my plate popped on the coffee table whilst I plump the cushions behind me, ready to enjoy... husband wants a mouthful of my food.

He already knows I find this off putting but for an easy life, I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes.

He laughs and says I'm weird. I remind him that I've literally sat down to enjoy my dinner and he's fussing to have some. He then uses the opportunity to remind me of weird I am in general.

I tell him he's being unkind, and ask if he thinks this conversation is helping our relationship. He laughs and carried on watching the football.

I told him that he's being the weird one to treat me like that, and any other person would think he was being out of line.

AIBU to want to enjoy my dinner in peace without being pestered, judged or called names?

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 13/11/2021 08:53

Why an earth don’t you just say no? What would happen if you just said no, sorry, I’m knackered and hungry, I intend to eat it all but if, once I am full there is any left over I will let you know?

Ionlydomassiveones · 13/11/2021 08:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/11/2021 08:55

Divorce (in your situation) isn't 'breaking up a family', it's 'changing a situation that isn't working any more to make everyone happier'. With regards to 'he won't leave this house, he loves it', that isn't A unilateral decision for him to make. If you don't want to use womens aid, it might be worth getting all your finances noted and having a chat with a solicitor to see where your options lie. It'll be £100 or so very well spent.

thelegohooverer · 13/11/2021 08:57

Your dh is horrible. He doesn’t respect your boundaries and calls you nasty names.

We all have personal boundaries and we don’t all agree about what they should be. But decent people can respect that you might feel differently about things than they do.

I honestly cannot imagine my dh doing what yours did. I mean he often eats off my plate but that isn’t something that bothers me. But he isn’t a prick about the things that do.

There are some really dubious replies on this thread but aibu always attracts some nasty posters. But there are also people who have very low standards for relationships. I think you should leave this thread and pop over to the relationships board where people are more clued up.

MissPeregrine · 13/11/2021 08:59

You’re not odd or weird, if you are then I must be too!

orangejuicer · 13/11/2021 08:59

@Pumpkinsonparade

You should have stabbed him with your fork. Half joking..
This. Not even joking.
coodawoodashooda · 13/11/2021 09:03

@Angryattrackandtrace

Even reading this made my blood boil….
Me too. What a mean pig.
coodawoodashooda · 13/11/2021 09:05

@NewlyGranny

He's a bully and a boundary demolition expert, isn't he?

Next time, tell him, "No, I made this for me. You can have a bite of it when I'm finished, if I leave any, but I'm hungry so I probably won't. If you're still hungry, there's no shortage of food; sort yourself some: this is mine. Back off!"

See, snaffling a prime mouthful with your fork before you've even started is one thing; hoovering up your leftovers quite another. It's him asserting his superior status in the house v him being a dustbin.

Yes. The prime mouthful too.
Whatwouldnanado · 13/11/2021 09:12

This isn't about food, it's about a vile man deliberately doing something he knows will upset his wife who has been subjected to abuse and belittling behaviour probably since their children were born.
OP, if you come back, please see that you deserve better, your children deserve a better model for their future relationships and you need to keep your dignity, sort child care, get a job you love again and make a happier life. Make a plan today.

Shedmistress · 13/11/2021 09:14

Op in the nicest possible way, you do need to learn to say no however you want to say it.

In my house a stern look would be enough but my OH wouldn't even dream of stealing food from my plate. So I've never had to invoke it.

But also in my house if one of us is busy the other would have cooked for both of us, and reheated it for the other when they finally are ready to eat.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/11/2021 09:27

As long as there was enough, I can’t imagine objecting to dh helping himself to a mouthful.

This is someone you (presumably) kiss and have sex with, not some random filthy person with teeth like something out of a horror film?

CommanderBurnham · 13/11/2021 09:32

Why didn't you just say no, fuck off?

WonderfulYou · 13/11/2021 09:34

Just so much quicker to tell him to go ahead and take a bite than argue about it to be honest. I did say " I've literally just sat down to eat, are you joking?" Then gave in

Honestly you need to grow a backbone.

You say you don’t want to break up with him so you either need to stick up for yourself more or live your whole life being walked all over.

When we have children we need to set a good example for them. Neither of you are doing this right now.

hotmeatymilk · 13/11/2021 09:34

As long as there was enough, I can’t imagine objecting to dh helping himself to a mouthful.
This is someone you (presumably) kiss and have sex with, not some random filthy person with teeth like something out of a horror film?
This is a long thread that you (presumably) have not read, not a single OP that doesn’t clarify the situation. And why are people conflating sex with the issue at hand? You can have sex with your partner and have issues with their other behaviour.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/11/2021 09:35

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

As long as there was enough, I can’t imagine objecting to dh helping himself to a mouthful. This is someone you (presumably) kiss and have sex with, not some random filthy person with teeth like something out of a horror film?
That's because you like and love your husband. That's what has become clear in this thread. It isn't about the forkful of food, it's indicative of their relationship.
50ShadesOfCatholic · 13/11/2021 09:35

@Shedmistress

Op in the nicest possible way, you do need to learn to say no however you want to say it.

In my house a stern look would be enough but my OH wouldn't even dream of stealing food from my plate. So I've never had to invoke it.

But also in my house if one of us is busy the other would have cooked for both of us, and reheated it for the other when they finally are ready to eat.

OP's behaviour need not be in question, there is a big fat issue of abuse here.
50ShadesOfCatholic · 13/11/2021 09:36

@CommanderBurnham

Why didn't you just say no, fuck off?
Did you even read the thread?
wewereliars · 13/11/2021 09:49

OP this version you have now is the real deal I am afraid. The nice him has gone for good.

Someone said upthread that it's because he earns more, and there's probably a lot in that. You are entitled to feel loved and respected, he is showing you belittling contempt. There is not much coming back from that. You deserve more than this nasty entitled bully, and so do your children.

WhatAHexIGotInto · 13/11/2021 09:53

As long as there was enough, I can’t imagine objecting to dh helping himself to a mouthful.
This is someone you (presumably) kiss and have sex with, not some random filthy person with teeth like something out of a horror film?

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Um ... what on earth has any of this got to do with anything? You think because people have sex with each other they are not permitted to have their own boundaries when it comes to other things? Really?

Embroidery · 13/11/2021 09:53

Good god! I always share food with loved ones. Loved ones eat off my plate and I eat off theirs. Especially chips. But if they had tasty salmon pasta and I had none Id want a bite, at least. Do you not have sex, that you cant share a spoon?
What has the world become that this is a divorce situation.
Where was his salmon pasta? I dont mean this in a stepford way, but if my husband made salmon pasta at 9.30 Id expect some.

Mn is sometimes dangerous and damaging tp perfectly normal relationships.

WhatAHexIGotInto · 13/11/2021 09:57

@Embroidery At least read the thread. FFS.

wewereliars · 13/11/2021 09:57

Embroidery the issue is about far more than food. Maybe read the thread

WhatAHexIGotInto · 13/11/2021 09:58

Mn is sometimes dangerous and damaging tp perfectly normal relationships.

And @Embroidery, if you seriously think this is a 'perfectly normal relationship' you need help. You really do.

Lorw · 13/11/2021 09:59

I always share my food with my husband or offer to make him some of what I’m having because I love him 😁

This I think is just something small which in itself isn’t an indicator of an unhappy marriage however bigger picture says that you aren’t happy soooo...please leave him, life is too short for unhappiness.

EnidFrighten · 13/11/2021 10:00

He comes in then he puts the kids to bed while you eat as much pasta as you want.

Eat at the table though, not in front of the telly.