Husband wants to eat a mouthful of my dinner just as I sit down with it

[beatrice82]

9:30pm not stopped with work, taking kids to clubs, feeding children, laundry, housework then made my own very quick tea - pasta with leftover salmon.

Sat down.

Husband watching football after a busy day at work, makes comment on the amount on my plate.

Literally the second I sat down with my plate popped on the coffee table whilst I plump the cushions behind me, ready to enjoy... husband wants a mouthful of my food.

He already knows I find this off putting but for an easy life, I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes.

He laughs and says I'm weird. I remind him that I've literally sat down to enjoy my dinner and he's fussing to have some. He then uses the opportunity to remind me of weird I am in general.

I tell him he's being unkind, and ask if he thinks this conversation is helping our relationship. He laughs and carried on watching the football.

I told him that he's being the weird one to treat me like that, and any other person would think he was being out of line.

AIBU to want to enjoy my dinner in peace without being pestered, judged or called names?

Thank you all for your comforting and interesting comments. Food for thought, pun intended

@beatrice82

I don't really want to break up our family. I just want him to stop being unkind and go back to how he was 10 years ago

He won't, ever, because this is the real him.

Women's Aid have been a great help and support for me over the past year. I also thought, well he doesn't hit me, they're there to help people in more serious situations, I'm wasting their time. But it's not like that. They've been so good just to chat to and to have someone outside of it all to tell all the things that happened to and validate that they weren't okay and that they were abuse. They can give advice about all the different options and things available to you too. They have an online chat if you don't feel up to calling.

@thedaythemusicdied

Verbatim from OP:

“Has called me bitch, cunt, crazy, cow in the past. Starts reading an email or watching the tv whilst we're in conversation. He was telling my about his awkward colleague the other day and said they're a bit like me, and how I'm so awkward. I piped up and said that actually I'm very popular at work and chat to many different colleagues throughout the day, and that he shouldn't use current conversations to bring up negative things about me from ages ago.

I don't really know how I would leave. Can't take the kids from their home. He would never leave as he loves this house.”

And you think the solution is counselling and I’m being ‘bullish’ for stating (again verbatim) that she should contact a free resource, explain her situation and find out her options?

I see.

I am disturbed by this thread.
Nobody should ever remove the food from your plate. It is abuse. If you can't see that then there is no hope for you. He has no respect for you.

Would he do this to a friend or a workmate? No. But he does it to you the woman who gave him children, a home, a life and who respects his personal space.
I would not put up with this. I so would not

[quote Owambe2021]@thedaythemusicdied

Verbatim from OP:

“Has called me bitch, cunt, crazy, cow in the past. Starts reading an email or watching the tv whilst we're in conversation. He was telling my about his awkward colleague the other day and said they're a bit like me, and how I'm so awkward. I piped up and said that actually I'm very popular at work and chat to many different colleagues throughout the day, and that he shouldn't use current conversations to bring up negative things about me from ages ago.

I don't really know how I would leave. Can't take the kids from their home. He would never leave as he loves this house.”

And you think the solution is counselling and I’m being ‘bullish’ for stating (again verbatim) that she should contact a free resource, explain her situation and find out her options?

I see.[/quote]
I think you're being bullish with the OP, yes.

@thedaythemusicdied And I think telling an abuse victim that contacting a resource for abuse victims is ‘an overreaction’ is spectacularly unhelpful. I also think that telling someone that counselling and ‘building up their self esteem’ is the solution to their husband calling them a bitch and a cunt to be spectacularly stupid and rather dangerous.

So, I suppose we all have thoughts.

hes a horrible bully op makes horrible comments calls you names and makes yu feel uncomfrtable

do you own or rent

[quote Owambe2021]@thedaythemusicdied And I think telling an abuse victim that contacting a resource for abuse victims is ‘an overreaction’ is spectacularly unhelpful. I also think that telling someone that counselling and ‘building up their self esteem’ is the solution to their husband calling them a bitch and a cunt to be spectacularly stupid and rather dangerous.

So, I suppose we all have thoughts.[/quote]
I spend my working day with victims of abuse and have done for years. OP doesn't want to buy what you're selling right now. How about you try and meet her where she is instead of pushing what you think is 'right' for her and being combative with people who don't agree with you?

Owambe2021

@thedaythemusicdied And I think telling an abuse victim that contacting a resource for abuse victims is ‘an overreaction’

Why have you put "an overreaction" in quotes when nobody said it? Are you projecting?

This thread makes me feel sad for you. Your 'D'H calls you a cunt etc, stops listening to your conversations and says you are awkward . Never mind the food thing.
You would like him to be as he was 10 years ago. I don't think that's a possibility. Piecing it together from your posts. You had a decent job . Now you've children, gone part time, lower pay (which he likes to point out). He thinks you're trapped and he doesn't have to make an effort.

He doesn't respect you because you don't earn equal money.

When you earn equal money you can leave (or tell him to).

That's it really. You can't make him see that childbirth, care and nurture are important. He never will. Because he despises you and all womankind.

@thedaythemusicdied You have worked with abuse victims for years, but tell abuse victims that it is an overreaction to contact services for abuse victims? This seems unlikely.

You also tell them to seek counselling and build up their self esteem when they have partners who scream abuse at them? Equally unlikely.

You then accuse people who have been conversing perfectly civilly with the OP of being ‘combative’ and ‘bullish’, ignore the other posters in the exact same situation who stated they found WA to be a godsend and offer not actual advice until prodded (and it was truly misguided advice when it came). Is something the matter with you?

@thedaythemusicdied My apologies, you said it was ‘extreme’. Which is obviously entirely different.

I ask OP why she’s unwilling to contact WA and I’m apparently combative? But you think I’m the one projecting? Christ. I don’t think you know what projection is. I also don’t think you work with victims of abuse. I’m not entirely sure what your deal is, but I’m going to ignore you. There’s zero point feeding trolls and it doesn’t help OP. Good luck with whatever it is you’re doing.

I can’t get over the fact that he was sitting on his lazy arse watching football and troughing smoked chicken wings while you did bath and bed time on an empty stomach. The absolute least he could have done was make you dinner while you sorted out the kids, though actually sharing the parenting would have been a fairly basic contribution to family life.

YANBU my mum has a habit of hovering round food I make for myself asking to try some the second it’s on the plate. I also know someone else who, if my food arrives before theirs in a restaurant, will without fail grab a chip or something off of my plate or ask for a bite.

I love both people dearly but it’s my absolute pet peeve.

He seems to see you as sport, enjoys baiting you and constantly and insiduously making you feel awkward and bad about yourself.

I feel very angry on your behalf. He is a nasty piece of shit.

He is gaslighting and playing mind games with you.

He takes pleasure in it and savours the process. Waiting till you sit down for dinner despite not helping out whilst you rush around. Taking your food when he knows you don't like it and you are hungry. Calling you weird when you object. Laughing it off and minimising when you call him out as unkind.

Other times he is overtly abusive by calling you horrid names to your face, calling you awkward to other people when you are not, cutting you off so you don't have a voice.

I am so so sad why you ended up with such a prick.

What happened to make him like this in the last 10 years. How old are your dcs?

Next time he takes some tell him you just sneezed on it...or just tell him to fuck off. I hate people helping themselves to one of my chips!

He’s treating you with contempt and he likes it. This is not reversible. Him staying in his job has only inflated his ego and brought out his real character. Please start planning to get yourself in a better financial position with a view to leaving at a time of your choice.

Folks, it doesn't matter how weird OP is in your view for not wanting to share food. Fact is, she doesn't and her husband has clearly ground her down enough for her to just give in for an easy life. He knows she hates it but keeps needling her. That on its own is shitty behaviour.

OP, I'm sorry this has turned into a classic MN pile on:

OP describes someone clearly being unkind to her
PP go over OP's own behaviour and find fault with it, while completely ignoring the obvious dickhead behaviour she was complaining about. Then to add to the fun, OP is blamed for ending up in this situation.

It's really upsetting when this happens. I had a thread a few years ago that turned into a 300+ post pile on. I was upset because a colleague shouted across the staffroom at me to stop pigging out when I had some of the sandwiches left for everyone. Not nice, but apparently I was greedy and that was way worse than my colleague being rude. I just don't know what to make of MN sometimes. It can be so supportive but then threads can also turn into a complete dig fest and it's so unpredictable

Your partner is abusive.

Has called me bitch, cunt, crazy, cow in the past. Starts reading an email or watching the tv whilst we're in conversation. He was telling my about his awkward colleague the other day and said they're a bit like me, and how I'm so awkward. I piped up and said that actually I'm very popular at work and chat to many different colleagues throughout the day, and that he shouldn't use current conversations to bring up negative things about me from ages ago

Leave the fucking bastard. He doesn't like you.

]

You know that Marge Simpson moment where she slews the car sideways across the bridge and the cop approaches? Remember her snarl and the spittle spraying the inside of the window?

That's the face he needs to see whenever he does this. He says you're weird; show him weird!

He's a bully and a boundary demolition expert, isn't he?

Next time, tell him, "No, I made this for me. You can have a bite of it when I'm finished, if I leave any, but I'm hungry so I probably won't. If you're still hungry, there's no shortage of food; sort yourself some: this is mine. Back off!"

See, snaffling a prime mouthful with your fork before you've even started is one thing; hoovering up your leftovers quite another. It's him asserting his superior status in the house v him being a dustbin.

I would do a pretend sneeze over my plate