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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to eat a mouthful of my dinner just as I sit down with it

228 replies

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 21:32

9:30pm not stopped with work, taking kids to clubs, feeding children, laundry, housework then made my own very quick tea - pasta with leftover salmon.

Sat down.

Husband watching football after a busy day at work, makes comment on the amount on my plate.

Literally the second I sat down with my plate popped on the coffee table whilst I plump the cushions behind me, ready to enjoy... husband wants a mouthful of my food.

He already knows I find this off putting but for an easy life, I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes.

He laughs and says I'm weird. I remind him that I've literally sat down to enjoy my dinner and he's fussing to have some. He then uses the opportunity to remind me of weird I am in general.

I tell him he's being unkind, and ask if he thinks this conversation is helping our relationship. He laughs and carried on watching the football.

I told him that he's being the weird one to treat me like that, and any other person would think he was being out of line.

AIBU to want to enjoy my dinner in peace without being pestered, judged or called names?

OP posts:
Original poster
beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:26

@kikipie

Why not just say no? Why the drama?
Just so much quicker to tell him to go ahead and take a bite than argue about it to be honest. I did say " I've literally just sat down to eat, are you joking?" Then gave in
OP posts:
Owambe2021 · 12/11/2021 23:27

I don't really know how I would leave. Can't take the kids from their home. He would never leave as he loves this house.

Contact Women’s Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Explain your situation. Find out your options.

Ionlydomassiveones · 12/11/2021 23:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/11/2021 23:28

beatrice82

MrsSkylerWhite
Why weren’t you eating together? Confused.

I've already explained this. Just timings didn't sync up with kids football, and our work times“

Oh ok, sorry.

Whatever we do, we try to eat together. It’s just nicer.

(In your circumstances though, yes, I’d be cross too. Might give him the last bit of pasta. Certainly no salmon, though.)

5keletor · 12/11/2021 23:28

Yanbu, just the title of your thread made me feel annoyed on your behalf. I don't usually say this, but from what you've said he does sound at least a little controlling. I have an ex who always wanted to drink from my cup or only eat food I was having to try to be in control. I remember once, he was offered his own bowl of the dessert I was trying to eat in peace, and replied (to the host) "No, I don't want my own, I just want to eat some of 5keletor's". 😡

Original poster
beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:29

@Owambe2021

I don't really know how I would leave. Can't take the kids from their home. He would never leave as he loves this house.

Contact Women’s Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Explain your situation. Find out your options.

Thank you but that seems extreme. I'm not in danger
OP posts:
Tiramiwho · 12/11/2021 23:31

Your husband is a lazy, greedy infantile twat.
Calling you weird? Silly little prick. LTB.

Owambe2021 · 12/11/2021 23:32

You are unhappy and being abused. You cannot see how you can leave. Why does contacting an organisation specifically set up to provide advice and support to women in your exact position seem extreme to you?

50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/11/2021 23:34

@MrsSkylerWhite

Why weren’t you eating together? Confused.
Read the first post. Jesus.
thedaythemusicdied · 12/11/2021 23:34

The covering your eyes and pretending you don't mind when you deeply do seems odd on the surface but let me to think it was a classic 'fawn' response (trying to make nice to prevent abuse) and lo, there it was, he is abusive.

It's not about the dinner it's about the fact that he treats you like shit.

thedaythemusicdied · 12/11/2021 23:36

@Owambe2021

You are unhappy and being abused. You cannot see how you can leave. Why does contacting an organisation specifically set up to provide advice and support to women in your exact position seem extreme to you?
I also think Women's Aid is extreme in this situation.
50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/11/2021 23:36

@Ionlydomassiveones

So this isn’t about him taking your dinner? He’s an abusive prick who treats you like shit. See a solicitor and sort it out.
Because it's that simple? Wow at the volume of awful responses on here, way to make someone feel worse than they already do.
Fleshmechanic · 12/11/2021 23:37

Is he a toddler? He can't just go to the kitchen and get a biscuit or his own food? Wtf. Just say no.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/11/2021 23:38

50ShadesOfCatholic

MrsSkylerWhite
Why weren’t you eating together? Confused.
Read the first post. Jesus.“

Yes, sorry.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/11/2021 23:39

@Owambe2021

I don't really know how I would leave. Can't take the kids from their home. He would never leave as he loves this house.

Contact Women’s Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Explain your situation. Find out your options.

Totally agree with this.

I am angry on your behalf. And on behalf of your children who will be witnessing this grotesque abuse of their mother.

It sounds as though you are so worn down that you can't see how bad it's become.

You know you are worth more, you know you only get one life. You know you are entitled to live with dignity, without abuse, and at the very least to be able to eat your own food.

Please think about getting some help or support to make an exit plan.

Owambe2021 · 12/11/2021 23:40

@thedaythemusicdied How so? She is being abused and, in her own words, can’t see how she would leave. Women’s Aid provides free advice. What would you consider an appropriate reaction?

Bumfaceffs · 12/11/2021 23:41

This reply has been deleted

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AnxiousWeirdo · 12/11/2021 23:42

I don't share food. I hate it. I feed everyone all of the time so just leave me alone to eat my damn meal. Your husband is a bit of a twot

SD1978 · 12/11/2021 23:43

I'm going with both odd and him a bit of an arse. If you have that much issue with the thought of him wanting some of your tea, and you know it's going to happen- eat at the table? Having to cover your eyes as an adult is OTT. To then keep it all going, both of you, seems unnecessary. He asks for your food, you don't like it (fair) so don't sit on the couch in future where he can ask, or just say no.

Bumfaceffs · 12/11/2021 23:43

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Frazzled50yrold · 12/11/2021 23:43

I've had experience of being called unusual, weird, odd etc and have realized recently that I'm quite upset by it. Some people seem to think it's some weird compliment but it's really very damaging.Don't be around me if you don't want to be but don't chip away at someone's confidence if they don't confirm to your views of normality.

Original poster
beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:44

@SD1978

I'm going with both odd and him a bit of an arse. If you have that much issue with the thought of him wanting some of your tea, and you know it's going to happen- eat at the table? Having to cover your eyes as an adult is OTT. To then keep it all going, both of you, seems unnecessary. He asks for your food, you don't like it (fair) so don't sit on the couch in future where he can ask, or just say no.
He has all his work stuff over the table
OP posts:
Original poster
beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:46

@Frazzled50yrold

I've had experience of being called unusual, weird, odd etc and have realized recently that I'm quite upset by it. Some people seem to think it's some weird compliment but it's really very damaging.Don't be around me if you don't want to be but don't chip away at someone's confidence if they don't confirm to your views of normality.
Good point. Agreed. It touched a nerve as I was a bit 'weird' at school because I didn't conform, by liking all the usual things that were expected of me. Friends wore fashionable dainty school shoes but I wore tie up ankle boots
OP posts:
Original poster
beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:48

I don't really want to break up our family. I just want him to stop being unkind and go back to how he was 10 years ago

OP posts:
thedaythemusicdied · 12/11/2021 23:48

[quote Owambe2021]@thedaythemusicdied How so? She is being abused and, in her own words, can’t see how she would leave. Women’s Aid provides free advice. What would you consider an appropriate reaction?[/quote]
I'd suggest counselling to build her sense of self esteem and internal resources and think about her options. It's clear that she sees Women's Aid as a crisis option and I don't think you being bullish about it is helping.