Husband wants to eat a mouthful of my dinner just as I sit down with it

[beatrice82]

9:30pm not stopped with work, taking kids to clubs, feeding children, laundry, housework then made my own very quick tea - pasta with leftover salmon.

Sat down.

Husband watching football after a busy day at work, makes comment on the amount on my plate.

Literally the second I sat down with my plate popped on the coffee table whilst I plump the cushions behind me, ready to enjoy... husband wants a mouthful of my food.

He already knows I find this off putting but for an easy life, I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes.

He laughs and says I'm weird. I remind him that I've literally sat down to enjoy my dinner and he's fussing to have some. He then uses the opportunity to remind me of weird I am in general.

I tell him he's being unkind, and ask if he thinks this conversation is helping our relationship. He laughs and carried on watching the football.

I told him that he's being the weird one to treat me like that, and any other person would think he was being out of line.

AIBU to want to enjoy my dinner in peace without being pestered, judged or called names?

He sounds like a pain and mean to you. If he knows it bothers you, he shouldn't do it. For me and DH the exchange would go something like:

Him - that looks nice. Can I have a bit?
Me - yes I've got loads. Help yourself
Or - No, I'm starving if you don't mind. You've had yours!

Either would be fine and no drama. The important thing is he's ignoring how you feel and making (or trying to make) it your fault.

Why would him having some put you off the rest?

Eh? You both sound odd (why did you cover your eyes) but this issue sounds bigger than just him taking your food.
He's been enjoying the football while you've been running around.
Just as you have some peace and quiet he starts badgering you and can't tell that you're upset.

DP and I call each other weird etc all the time but we don't mind. And if I used a serious tone with DP he wouldn't just laugh it off.

If he’s hungry one mouthful isn’t going do anything he needs get up and sort snack. Or is he o my doing it to annoy you it’s not as if it’s something really exciting. Why can’t you just say no? Next time sit down with bowl dog food

Just say no. Or tell him if there’s any left when you’re finished he can have that. He’s an arse.

Also what happens if you just tell him no?

YES you should have just said no!

‘No. Stop being a loser. Hahaha. Here he goes again, dog begging man’

@Spiceup

You both sound very odd to me.

Agree.

I would have had one of two responses

“No, fuck off”

Or

“Here have it all for fucks sake” and dropped the plate in his lap.

"Maybe I should have said no" yes. You should have. YOU have issues around sharing food- rightly or wrongly, wether that makes you weird or not- you do. It puts you off food. SO DONT SHARE YOUR FOOD! Sharing whilst being uncomfortable about it and making a fuss is effectively making a matter of yourself. Just say no.

I suppose if you want to stay with him you have to accept you'll never have anything to yourself.

Martyr not matter of yourself

@HollowTalk

I suppose if you want to stay with him you have to accept you'll never have anything to yourself.

Or she could just say no?

Also ... he couldn't have gotten a plate and put it into that instead???

He's emotionally abusive, but I sense from your posts that you already know this.

So what's the reason you're still with him? Dread of the divorce? Fear of being alone?

Being alone with yourself is far less lonely than keeping company with a bully.

@ThePoisonousMushroom

Why would him having some put you off the rest?

Strange thing to ask. Different things can put people off their food. Some people are put off their food if someone picks their nose next to them. Some people are put off their food if people start talking about toilet humour whilst they're eating. Some people don't like it when people double dip into shared hummus. Whatever floats your boat, or not! I don't mind any of the things I've mentioned , I do however find that I'm put off my food if someone eats from my plate.

It’s not a strange thing to ask, it’s a completely normal question .

And you’ve answered it, so thanks 👍

It sounds like he did it deliberately to eind you up, not because he genuinely wanted food but wanted to see your reaction.
My reaction to being regularly called 'weird' and having my supposed faults laughed at would be a 'the only weird thing about me is why i've stuck with you so long' response. I hate petty piss taking. It's childish & can really grind you down.

Why don't you all eat together

*wind you up

When he says “there’s a lot on your plate”
You say ‘yes, I’m looking forward to it’

When he says “you’re weird”
You say ‘I must be, I married you’

Sounds like there's contempt on both sides... Four horsemen of the apocalypse and all that - doesn't bode well for the future OP.

www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

@Fomomofo

Why don't you all eat together

We normally do but Fridays is crazy with the kid's football falling right in the middle of teatime so it's a light tea (DH still at work) then football club, then light supper when children get home (cereal) and DH comes in. Bath time routine then I went to make a quick dinner but DH had already stuck some chicken wings on the smoker earlier, so we all ended up eating separately today.

its a nasty kind of bullying

Covering your face is weird. If it affects you that much just say no.