Husband wants to eat a mouthful of my dinner just as I sit down with it

[beatrice82]

9:30pm not stopped with work, taking kids to clubs, feeding children, laundry, housework then made my own very quick tea - pasta with leftover salmon.

Sat down.

Husband watching football after a busy day at work, makes comment on the amount on my plate.

Literally the second I sat down with my plate popped on the coffee table whilst I plump the cushions behind me, ready to enjoy... husband wants a mouthful of my food.

He already knows I find this off putting but for an easy life, I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes.

He laughs and says I'm weird. I remind him that I've literally sat down to enjoy my dinner and he's fussing to have some. He then uses the opportunity to remind me of weird I am in general.

I tell him he's being unkind, and ask if he thinks this conversation is helping our relationship. He laughs and carried on watching the football.

I told him that he's being the weird one to treat me like that, and any other person would think he was being out of line.

AIBU to want to enjoy my dinner in peace without being pestered, judged or called names?

I always give DH a bit of my food if he asks and vice versa. Do you love this guy or what?

Can you break the smoker? Just to piss him off. I would.

If he knows you don’t like it why is he doing it Does he love you could equally be asked.

If he knows that you don't like people eating off your plate, he shouldn't ask.
And if he does ask, you shouldn't say yes.
Tell him he can have your leftovers.
Then eat the lot!

He doesn't respect you at all. A decent partner would have made you dinner and waited to eat with you.

I also loathe anybody, whoever they are, digging in to the food on my plate. It turns my stomach (and yes, that does sound odd to people who don't have that reaction but from numerous threads on MN, I know I can do things that those people would be horrified by). My husband is constantly hungry (god knows why he isn't the size of a house) but he learned quickly that he is welcome to anything I choose to leave but to never get involved while I'm actually eating it.

YANBU at all OP.

It sounds like your husband would react badly if you told him no. Does he bully you over other things?

It wouldnt turn my stomach, but maybe the fucking rage that he did it KNOWING it would have that affect on you

STAB him with your fork when he tries it next time

It sounds as if you were overwhelmed and needed some space, and instead of having respect and empathy for all the hard work you did on behalf of your family, he decided to "playfully" demean you by demanding that you attend to his desires instead of helping you to be comfortable. He is trying to sabotage you by making you feel as if no matter how hard you work, it's not enough, that you don't deserve to feel peace in your own home, and that your needs don't count.

Just say no. I can't stand weakness like this OP...I totally relate to it putting you off by the way...I'm similar but you're not a doormat. Learn to say no.

I honestly dont think your husband has done anything wrong. I dont understand people saying hes a bully

Honestly if me or DP eat a full dinner next to each other we'd often give each other a mouthful. Im a bit greedy and get food envy a lot and so it works in my favour, and a mouthful doesnt affect the amount you eat. Plus friends and things are always offering a taste of each others food, any one want a crisp/square of chocolate. Its bizarfe to bevrudge your husband a mouthful of dinner?!

And it is a bit weird to cover your eyes because someone ate a bite of your dinner? If it bothers you fine but just say no, sorry it bothers me. Not a whole fiasco of looking away while he takes a bite of your dinner. Its not like someone doing something disgusting next to you making you go off your food, theres nothing disgusting about eating a mouthful of food, and hes your husband, presumabmy you kiss him! Sounds more like he was teasing you and youve taken it a bit too seriously.

I'd have told him to Fuck right off. I cannot believe you agreed to it!

You're just going into great descriptive detail about general relationship shit, maybe your relationship is on the way out, maybe it's not and you're just generally pissed off.

Maybe envisage doing absolutely everything all on your own, every day - if nicking a bit of food off your plate is your main gripe, then you're not really doing too bad i think.

YANBU. Tell him no.

I presume he’s already eaten? Even if he hadn’t, his behaviour isn’t ok.

What is he doing while you’re running yourself ragged until 9.30pm?

He should not call you names. He should not call you weird. Don’t put up with this. He is being horrible.

Why not just say no? Why the drama?

I assume this is the latest on a line of shitty things in your marriage to this man?

@ThePoisonousMushroom

Why would him having some put you off the rest?

I can't speak for the op but for me it's the leaning over my plate and dropping bits from their mouth onto my food, or sticking the fork into different foods on the same go and mixing them or leaving a bit on the fork after it's from their mouth and sticking it into my food. If he's fresh from the shower then his aftershave makes my fork smell and even worse if he's just had a cigarette or alcohol, I smell that on my fork too.

I've sometimes said to him if I turn my face away and can't see that happening then I can eat it, but he realised how uncomfortable it me and how hard I struggle pretending not to be bothered when my food has been touched, he would never expect me to look away and when he's dishing my food up he knows what I don't like putting together on the plate and touching. He doesn't call me weird like OPs husband.

Firstly, you're being bullied by your husband in an under-the-radar kind of way.

Secondly, people on here are having a good at you in order to feed their own egos.

Both are unpleasant.

What would happen if you said no? Why does he persist in asking when he knows it turns your stomach??

This gives me total rage. You are most absolutely not being unreasonable.

He already knows I find this off putting but for an easy life, I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes.

Huh?!

You get put off my someone taking some of your food off your plate but you still let them?
You know they’ve taken it so how does that not put you off.
He knows this too so shouldn’t even be asking.
Just say no!

Or she could just say no?
That doesn’t resolve: his comment on how much food she’d got on her plate (judgey), his request (when it’s late, she’s done a lot and he’s sitting watching TV - just let her eat), or the fact he sounds like he’ll keep badgering her, or the fact he’s calling her “weird” repeatedly. He’s unkind and her “no” won’t solve that.

From OP’s updates it’s clear he knows eating from her plate ruins her meal for her. So he’s not asking because he absolutely loves salmon and pasta and really wants a bite: he’s either an unthinking idiot who puts his own needs first and conveniently forgets the effect it has on her, OR he does stuff like this deliberately – both to ruin her meal and so he can then bully her with the comments about weirdness.

@SweeneyToddler

I assume this is the latest on a line of shitty things in your marriage to this man?

Yes, me too!

I suspect if it was a good marriage and he was a good man, the OP wouldn't be as bothered by this.

@Fomomofo

Why don't you all eat together

Way to miss the fucking point.

He comments about how much is on your plate
He does something he knows you don't like
He laughs at you
He keeps calling you weird

This is all very unkind, bullying behaviour.