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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband wants to eat a mouthful of my dinner just as I sit down with it

228 replies

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 21:32

9:30pm not stopped with work, taking kids to clubs, feeding children, laundry, housework then made my own very quick tea - pasta with leftover salmon.

Sat down.

Husband watching football after a busy day at work, makes comment on the amount on my plate.

Literally the second I sat down with my plate popped on the coffee table whilst I plump the cushions behind me, ready to enjoy... husband wants a mouthful of my food.

He already knows I find this off putting but for an easy life, I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes.

He laughs and says I'm weird. I remind him that I've literally sat down to enjoy my dinner and he's fussing to have some. He then uses the opportunity to remind me of weird I am in general.

I tell him he's being unkind, and ask if he thinks this conversation is helping our relationship. He laughs and carried on watching the football.

I told him that he's being the weird one to treat me like that, and any other person would think he was being out of line.

AIBU to want to enjoy my dinner in peace without being pestered, judged or called names?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 12/11/2021 22:59

Dump him. So what if youre weird or odd - not saying you are or you arent, but you are who you are. Everyone's got their quirks.
Surely not that unusual to not like people eating from your plate, nor to cover your eyes when someones doing something on purpose to piss you off.
If hes mocking you to this extent and youre not having fun, or his jibes are always at your expense, thats a big problem. Hes bullying you

Yaya26 · 12/11/2021 23:03

You sound like you were hangry and he sounds irritating. Xx

MoveAhoy · 12/11/2021 23:03

My father in law stabbed a waiter who touched his plate. Pure knee jerk reaction to his food disappearing without being finished. Your husband is getting off lightly.

BronwenFrideswide · 12/11/2021 23:06

Maybe I should have just said no.

No maybe about it, it is exactly what you should have said and what you should always say, why don't you?

He knows his behaviour irritates you and is off putting yet he continues to do it and by allowing him, even if you do cover your eyes, you are excusing and enabling it, stop and tell him to stop being a controlling, weird arsehole that feels entitled to your food.

TheQueenOfProcrastination · 12/11/2021 23:06

This is all very odd.

What's wrong with someone taking food off your plate? You must have kissed this man if you have children with him, so why would there be anything wrong with sharing food?

Why would anyone (not just you, OP) be weird about sharing food? If my DP wanted to share my food, I wouldn't think twice about it. Food is just food. I fail to see why it is even a tiny bit of an issue.

angieloumc · 12/11/2021 23:07

@CarrotSticks19

I honestly dont think your husband has done anything wrong. I dont understand people saying hes a bully

Honestly if me or DP eat a full dinner next to each other we'd often give each other a mouthful. Im a bit greedy and get food envy a lot and so it works in my favour, and a mouthful doesnt affect the amount you eat. Plus friends and things are always offering a taste of each others food, any one want a crisp/square of chocolate. Its bizarfe to bevrudge your husband a mouthful of dinner?!

And it is a bit weird to cover your eyes because someone ate a bite of your dinner? If it bothers you fine but just say no, sorry it bothers me. Not a whole fiasco of looking away while he takes a bite of your dinner. Its not like someone doing something disgusting next to you making you go off your food, theres nothing disgusting about eating a mouthful of food, and hes your husband, presumabmy you kiss him! Sounds more like he was teasing you and youve taken it a bit too seriously.

No it isn't 'bizarre' not to want to give her husband a 'mouthful' of food. He's already had his dinner, I bet he didn't want to share it with her. And calling her weird is just downright unkind. It's not teasing, it's nasty. Just because you share food with your husband doesn't mean those who don't are peculiar.

Ionlydomassiveones · 12/11/2021 23:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

PiousPenelope · 12/11/2021 23:11

@beatrice82 you don't need to explain to MN why you ate separately and you don't need to explain why someone eating off your plate is is off-putting.

The fact is you find it off-putting, your husband KNOWS this and then did it anyway. So either he is deliberately trying to upset you or he is trying to be controlling (by taking charge of eating of your plate because he seems your presence 'weird').

He's not a nice man. What will you do?

Original poster

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:11

@Yearn

YANBU at all OP.

It sounds like your husband would react badly if you told him no. Does he bully you over other things?

Has called me bitch, cunt, crazy, cow in the past. Starts reading an email or watching the tv whilst we're in conversation. He was telling my about his awkward colleague the other day and said they're a bit like me, and how I'm so awkward. I piped up and said that actually I'm very popular at work and chat to many different colleagues throughout the day, and that he shouldn't use current conversations to bring up negative things about me from ages ago.

OP posts:

MiddleParking · 12/11/2021 23:13

I would be fuming if my husband asked for a bit of the dinner on my plate! I’d give him a try of something in a restaurant, but a bit of my own tea on a Friday night because he thinks his hunger is more important than yours? Absolutely not. Does he want to piss on your side of the bed too?

PickAChew · 12/11/2021 23:13

Tell him to fuck off.

Though I'd have made my dinner with the kids.

DandyHighwayWoman · 12/11/2021 23:13

@beatrice82

He often uses opportunities to remind me that I'm weird. So fucking sick of him making comments about what I do.

Seriously LTB he’s a twat

Original poster

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:14

@TheQueenOfProcrastination

This is all very odd.

What's wrong with someone taking food off your plate? You must have kissed this man if you have children with him, so why would there be anything wrong with sharing food?

Why not just respect the fact that I don't like anyone using my cutlery to take food off my plate? End of.

OP posts:

TractorAndHeadphones · 12/11/2021 23:15

He sounds bloody awful OP. Does he also not pull his weight st home cuz he thinks you’re lucky to be married to a prince like him? God almighty

Original poster

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:16

@PickAChew

Tell him to fuck off.

Though I'd have made my dinner with the kids.

4:45 is way too early for me

OP posts:

SarahBellam · 12/11/2021 23:18

‘No’
‘You’re weird.’
‘Yes, I am. Weird as fuck. Now leave my dinner alone. Make yourself a sandwich if you’re still hungry’.

Owambe2021 · 12/11/2021 23:18

Has called me bitch, cunt, crazy, cow in the past. Starts reading an email or watching the tv whilst we're in conversation. He was telling my about his awkward colleague the other day and said they're a bit like me, and how I'm so awkward. I piped up and said that actually I'm very popular at work and chat to many different colleagues throughout the day, and that he shouldn't use current conversations to bring up negative things about me from ages ago.

Well, this is toxic. You know this, yes? I was going to ask why you just didn’t say ‘no, you may not have a mouthful’. But, now I’m wondering why that’s the issue you chose to post about, as opposed to the nastiness, bullying and abuse.

Why are you with this man, OP?

PickAChew · 12/11/2021 23:18

Has called me bitch, cunt, crazy, cow in the past.

This is abuse, by any definition.

Original poster

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:18

@TractorAndHeadphones

He sounds bloody awful OP. Does he also not pull his weight st home cuz he thinks you’re lucky to be married to a prince like him? God almighty

Well he does work very hard at his job but he does like to remind me that his job is more important because he earns more. I did have a very well laid job around 8 years ago but put it on hold to have children and now on very low part time salary. My job is important to me

OP posts:

TheQueenOfProcrastination · 12/11/2021 23:20

@beatrice82 Fine, no reason not to respect that. However, you say:

I say yes, as long as I can't see and proceed to cover my eyes

Why not just say: "you know I've got a thing about sharing cutlery, so I'd rather you didn't"? Or: "yes, if you go and get yourself a fork, because you know I've got a thing about shared cutlery?"

It's the dramatics that sound unnecessary (though now you've said he calls you all those names, he in fact sounds unnecessary full stop).

DragonDoor · 12/11/2021 23:20

Personally I don’t mind sharing a forkful of food but only if I have begun eating. That’s my red line. DP has now learned this

By covering your eyes you are giving the impression that you don’t mind, although don’t want to watch.

MangoBiscuit · 12/11/2021 23:20

Your H sounds like a nasty bullying shit. Sorry OP.

Original poster

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:21

@Owambe2021

Why are you with this man, OP?

I don't really know how I would leave. Can't take the kids from their home. He would never leave as he loves this house.

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/11/2021 23:21

Why weren’t you eating together? Confused.

Original poster

beatrice82 · 12/11/2021 23:22

@MrsSkylerWhite

Why weren’t you eating together? Confused.

I've already explained this. Just timings didn't sync up with kids football, and our work times

OP posts:

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