Being told to smile at work

[SmileSmiley]

I have worked as a solicitor since 2008. I work in house for a local authority and generally love my job.

I went to a meeting yesterday and the first thing my client told me was to smile. He then told me that he’d been to a meeting the week before with an external solicitor who greeted him with a ‘lovely big smile’. He then asked why I couldn’t be the same.

I was too shocked to respond. I work in a team with my DP who is also a solicitor - this client has never told him to smile or compared him to a male solicitor.

I have a resting sad face and even when I smile I don’t look particularly happy. However, I am fed up of how I look being deemed to be relevant to how I do my job.

I want to raise this with the client but I know he is going to brush me off as being over sensitive. Should I just leave it this time and have a snappy response prepared for the next time?

That would get a small mouth smile from me (no expression in the eyes) and a ‘shell we get started?’. Don’t give it headspace OP, it was a dumb comment.

Assuming your client is also employed by the same LA and not a connected org I would report to HR to be honest. Women put up with far too much of this shit in the workplace, you aren’t being oversensitive. It’s clearly a comment rooted in misogyny (even if this is denied..come on - not a hope he’d say this to a man). Fuck that noise, frankly.

What did you say at the time? I have resting bitch face and unless I have a full face of makeup I also look tired so I always get told to get more sleep or some other stupid comment. If it's a client I'd probably just brush it off and remain professional but if it was a random in the street or this client continues to be rude next time I'd probably say "just not really happy to see you to be honest" tinkly laugh.

Over the years, my resting bitch face has evolved into a resting murderous face so I no longer have to put up with this shite.

Is your client a member of Joe Public or does he represent a company you can raise this with?

I sort of agree with you except

I have a resting sad face and even when I smile I don’t look particularly happy. However, I am fed up of how I look being deemed to be relevant to how I do my job.

It is relevant to how you do (some) jobs. A smile goes a long way, especially in client meetings. Not a big beaming and fake smile but if someone is sitting there looking sad it might give a wrong impression, especially if they are quiet too

Thanks for the replies. The client is actually another council officer. So for example, if I worked as a highways solicitor, he would be a highway engineer. He’s a colleague who is slightly senior to me.

It was sexist and unprofessional of the client.

I would have said "Ahem, shall we get on..."

I agree with other PP, if he works for the LA but in a different dept report to HR. You'll be saving them heaps of money in discriminatory claims if he has a habit of being sexist, they can ask him to do relevant training

If he's an outside client, don't give him headspace or react. If he ups it, you can take it further with his management team.

There comment is not reasonable. But equally, I cannot imagine not smiling at someone at the start of a meeting, especially if it is 1-2-1.

Cross posted.
Yes then contact the LA HR with concerns that he makes this type of comment & that it will leave the LA open to potential discrimination claims. They'll deal with it

I did greet him appropriately. I smiled, said good morning and asked how he was.

Then we were waiting for someone else to join and obviously I didn’t keep my smile on my face.

I think smiling goes a long way in the workplace. If you have resting sad face and are fed up then that will come across to clients.

He sounds like a patronising git in the way he spoke to you, but I do think coming across as personable and like you want to be engaged in the meeting goes a long way in most workplaces.

If he says this kind of comment unthinkingly to a solicitor... then I'd lay money on his making other inappropriate comments to his female colleagues
It wears you down after a while which is why flagging it up HR so they can deal with it and send him on training, will hopefully nip it in the bud before they get a big claim from other women he patronises

@SmileSmiley

Then we were waiting for someone else to join and obviously I didn’t keep my smile on my face.

That is at odds to what you put in your OP

Oops, meant to post your previous reply, not that one

Meant to QUOTE, ffs lol

I've had a lot of practice telling random men to fuck off when they tell me to smile.

Not sure how I'd handle a comment from a nominally senior colleague

I think I'd just give them a very hard stare and pause, give them a chance to feel silly.

Not sure I'd report it but wouldn't dismiss anyone who did. It's clearly sexism.

Hah! @SoniaFouler I mean obviously he said good morning etc but that was the first thing of consequence he said to me.

There are arseholes everywhere OP I wouldn't give it headspace.

I would smile frostily and then make a joke about being on the clock and smiles taking chargeable minutes.

As another poster put it… Fuck that noise

(Never heard that expression before, but I like it)

I don’t think he would have said that to a male colleague?
I’d ignore it, what’s he going to do? report you for not smiling.

It’s everyday sexism

I got told recently by my (male) boss to ‘use my smile to get things done’ and be ‘sugar not salt’. I’m never particularly ‘salty’ but that’s not the point - he would have NEVER said that to a man.

Well, you're both council employees. He needs a big foot up the arse about how his attitude was misogynist AND demeaning considering his position. I'd email him and cc to HR that you'd expect better from a senior member of staff representing the LA professionally.

Raised eyebrow

“I’m sorry?”

Paddington Bear stare

I don’t think people understand that this is literally my face. When my face is neutral I look ANGRY.

I mean I’m not going to do myself any favours here but I’m 6ft1, slightly overweight, my brow overhangs so I look like I’m frowning, my lips point downwards and my nostrils are naturally flared. To arrange my expression into anything other than this is actually hard work and I can only maintain it for a little while before my muscles in my face start to shake. I’m always very pleasant though. I have also adopted a quieter voice so I don’t sound intimidating because that’s not my aim. But literally throughout my life men (and it has never been a woman) have told me to smile and say it might never happen. I am fed up with feeling like I’m not good enough because I look like I do. 😩😢